Is this inappropriate?

[justtheonenamechange]

I've name changed for this as I didn't want it linked to my previous posts.

I've found the following text messages, which were written across several days during an activity week. The child is a girl in her mid-teens and the adult is a male in his 40s. The child attended the full week but the adult only attended the first few days. This is an exact transcript of the conversation, but with any identifying details taken out. Is the adult just being supportive/encouraging, or is this bordering on inappropriate? I would welcome any opinions please. Sorry it's quite long, but I didn't want to deliberately leave any of it out.

Adult:
If you look at the [place] I can see it from the [place]! Hope you enjoy the week. I knew you would love it, but I know you will miss me!!

Child:
I miss you already 😂. I hope I enjoy it, the jury is still out right now. Have a safe journey though 😊

Adult:
You will be asleep by now but possibly chatting away or shouting? Have a blast I miss [accommodation name] already 😉. Have fun, not too much I want you all to miss me!

Child:
[Accommodation name] is the best 😂. We‘ll have fun, but obviously we’ll miss you 😊.

Adult:
I know, my favourite [group] I guess!

Child:
I guess so 😂. You missed a great public soaking.

Adult:
Did you get footage?!
How was your theme night?
Had a very lonely boring day, just wondering how much fun I could have had 😞 with you.

Child:
Hiya, no. No footage, too busy hitting [name]. The theme night was good but very hot. You missed [name] dressed as a monk. I don’t think you’d have enjoyed [place] as it was hot. You are definitely missed 😕.

Adult:
Tomorrow looks lovely and hot. Another day where I watch my watch wondering what I’m missing. Enjoy the time it is the best time in my opinion. I miss you all.

Child:
Aww bless. I am trying to enjoy it, today was fun. We had the slip and slide out. We definitely miss you too.

Adult:
Did you get my wet willy in!
If not plenty of time left. Did I leave any credit in the canteen? If you don’t use it tell [name] to add it to the [charity name] fund. You should be asleep by now but I guess you are chatting away and about to get told to be quiet. I would not I would stand and listen!!

Child:
Yeah I did, haven’t had chance to use your credit, but I think we’ll use it on Friday. I thought you’d appreciate a little rule breaking 😂

Adult:
[Activity] rules like any are made to be broken and I can tell you most of them I have. I appreciate that and accept any punishment! Have a great time and I will be waiting when you come home as I need a set of keys and it’s a good excuse to see you.

Child:
Ok. Well I probably should go as it’s [name] out tonight 😬. See you when we get back. Try not to miss us too much!

Adult:
That would be a challenge for me in the old days. Goodnight 😉

Adult:
How’s it going? How’s the weather?

Child:
The weather is boiling. The [activity] thing was 💩

Adult:
Should have jumped in. Or chucked [name] in?
Looks a bit cooler tomorrow. Enjoy the last few days...

Child:
I’d rather chuck him in.
Not long left now.
We went on a late night [activity] tonight.

Adult:
Enjoy your last night, don’t eat too much chocolate! Had a nice week? Say the first few days were the best!!

Child:
It was alright. I survived. There’s been loads of sick people today 😬. It’ll be a good night.

Adult:
Going back? If all goes to plan you may have to put up with me all week 😁. Who is ill?

Child:
I might come back.
[name] and [name].

Adult:
I will if you will.....
[name] is gay, but [name].....
Have a great last day, I love it there. I will see you tomorrow afternoon.

Child:
Fine I’ll go.
We’ll have a good time!
See you tomorrow.

Adult:
Yeh. You will not regret it. Only the backlash of a prank or plenty more. Don’t eat too much crap, you will feel sick, unless it’s all gone already. Until next year!!!

Child:
I won’t eat too much. Don’t worry 😂.
I think I can handle the backlash of a prank

Adult:
Sounds like it has been smashed already? Your with the right man then! Goodnight [accommodation name] 😘

Child:
We haven’t eaten anything yet. See you tomorrow. Good night ☺️

That is absolutely grooming. Making the child feel special and grown up and subtly pushing boundaries. I can feel it in my gut, and I think you can too OP, else you wouldn’t have posted. How are you related to the conversation participants?

The adult is incredibly inappropriate and I don't know why PP's are asking what the relationship is because it's inappropriate regardless.

It's not inappropriate if it's an estranged dad. It's inapproriate of it's a teacher. Relationship is key here.

How old is the child exactly also?

First off why does he have her number?
Secondly I read the first message and thought no no no!!! Didn’t even read the whole conversation!

Fuck that. Report!

Honestly no man is that unaware that this could be innocent.

I’ve had lots of safeguarding training for my job and a lot of these messages are setting alarm bells for me!
Very much seems like the start of grooming. Completely inappropriate and needs reporting! I would be very concerned about where this could lead.

I would call that grooming.

Makes me feel a bit sick to my stomach reading that. The bit about the wet willy 🤢

Are the adult and child related? Some of the exchanges can be interpreted quite innocently ( at a stretch).

If not related, wtf is a 40 year old male doing exchanging texts with a mid-teen female? I know of no organisations that deal with u16s that would allow this in their policies. It’s dangerous for both the children and the adult leaders.

A friend coaches a local football team and was quite stern with the parents of a player, then 11, when the player emailed the coach to complain about various coaching decisions. .

He (the coach) contacted the parents and said if the boy did it again he would be off the team. The boy was welcome to speak in person w/parents, or express views on the pitch in full view, but any personal contact via any form of electronic media (phone included) was not happening.

I’m sure there are roles where the adult can make exceptions (legal, social services, counselling, etc), but this example crosses all kinds of safeguarding boundaries.

If the teen is 16+ it might be legal, but it’s still crossing boundaries. And pathetic and icky and, yes, potentially grooming.

Inappropriate- it's the constant re starting the conversation. Most men would steer well clear of texting teenage girls in case it was taken the wrong way, he's actively seeking out her attention.

It's not inappropriate if it's an estranged dad.

Actually, looking at the language used, I’d still say it’s inappropriate if it’s an estranged dad. The constant repeating that he misses her, to ensure that she feels pressured into responding likewise, the comments about listening in, also implying that he’s ‘cooler’ than other adults, the encouragement to break rules. A decent father wouldn’t speak to their child like that. Father’s abuse too.

I don't agree it's inappropriate if it's her father, I would have a similar conversation with my daughter. I would not look at messages like that between my husband and daughter and think he was being inappropriate.

However if this is some one not related then it's a huge issue and needs reporting.

princessfaffalot Jesus Christ

Yuck yuck yuck
There is not a good way to interpret any of this,
It’s creepy af.

It is not appropriate for a 40 year old man in any position of authority (teacher, scout leader, youth group volunteer at.) to text a teenager under 16 anyway and those texts seem very dodgy.

Wtf is the bit 'wet willy' about?

A wet willy is when you stick wet finger in someone's ear. It's nothing to do with a penis.

I didn't read all of it, but what I did read I found creepy and inappropriate. Absolutely no reason for a 40 year old man to be messaging a teenager. No reason at all.

Is this a safeguarding training exercise to spot potential grooming? If it’s not then it should be. So much wrong with the messages from the adult. Alarm bells clanging there OP, I’d be reporting that immediately.

We didn’t have text messages when I was that age but it’s very much like the behaviour of a much older man who was trying to groom me when I was in my mid teens. Creepy as fuck. Report!

I'm so sorry for what you went through princess😔
💐

No, completely inappropriate.

Is the adult a family member? Thats the only way the "I miss yous" would be almost OK!

Well done to the child for keeping cool and casual!

This is most certainly uncomfortable reading

The age difference and the non stop msging alone is enough to be creepy but
who is he in relation to her?
That's kind of vital to be able to give a proper opinion on this.

Didn't even need to read it all to know it's highly inappropriate. Please report via safeguarding or police

"Had a very lonely boring day, just wondering how much fun I could have hadwith you."

"Rules like any are made to be broken"

"Have a great time and I will be waiting when you come home as I need a set of keys and it’s a good excuse to see you."

And all those winky faces and blowing hearts . That's flirting at least, though the "enjoy your last night, don’t eat too much chocolate!" is they way an adult speaks to a kid and not a similar aged crush, that mixed with the rest doesn't bode well.

Imo, those texts indicate attempted grooming. Sorry op