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Is this inappropriate?

364 replies

justtheonenamechange · 25/11/2019 12:42

I've name changed for this as I didn't want it linked to my previous posts.

I've found the following text messages, which were written across several days during an activity week. The child is a girl in her mid-teens and the adult is a male in his 40s. The child attended the full week but the adult only attended the first few days. This is an exact transcript of the conversation, but with any identifying details taken out. Is the adult just being supportive/encouraging, or is this bordering on inappropriate? I would welcome any opinions please. Sorry it's quite long, but I didn't want to deliberately leave any of it out.

Adult:
If you look at the [place] I can see it from the [place]! Hope you enjoy the week. I knew you would love it, but I know you will miss me!!

Child:
I miss you already 😂. I hope I enjoy it, the jury is still out right now. Have a safe journey though 😊

Adult:
You will be asleep by now but possibly chatting away or shouting? Have a blast I miss [accommodation name] already 😉. Have fun, not too much I want you all to miss me!

Child:
[Accommodation name] is the best 😂. We‘ll have fun, but obviously we’ll miss you 😊.

Adult:
I know, my favourite [group] I guess!

Child:
I guess so 😂. You missed a great public soaking.

Adult:
Did you get footage?!
How was your theme night?
Had a very lonely boring day, just wondering how much fun I could have had 😞 with you.

Child:
Hiya, no. No footage, too busy hitting [name]. The theme night was good but very hot. You missed [name] dressed as a monk. I don’t think you’d have enjoyed [place] as it was hot. You are definitely missed 😕.

Adult:
Tomorrow looks lovely and hot. Another day where I watch my watch wondering what I’m missing. Enjoy the time it is the best time in my opinion. I miss you all.

Child:
Aww bless. I am trying to enjoy it, today was fun. We had the slip and slide out. We definitely miss you too.

Adult:
Did you get my wet willy in!
If not plenty of time left. Did I leave any credit in the canteen? If you don’t use it tell [name] to add it to the [charity name] fund. You should be asleep by now but I guess you are chatting away and about to get told to be quiet. I would not I would stand and listen!!

Child:
Yeah I did, haven’t had chance to use your credit, but I think we’ll use it on Friday. I thought you’d appreciate a little rule breaking 😂

Adult:
[Activity] rules like any are made to be broken and I can tell you most of them I have. I appreciate that and accept any punishment! Have a great time and I will be waiting when you come home as I need a set of keys and it’s a good excuse to see you.

Child:
Ok. Well I probably should go as it’s [name] out tonight 😬. See you when we get back. Try not to miss us too much!

Adult:
That would be a challenge for me in the old days. Goodnight 😉

Adult:
How’s it going? How’s the weather?

Child:
The weather is boiling. The [activity] thing was 💩

Adult:
Should have jumped in. Or chucked [name] in?
Looks a bit cooler tomorrow. Enjoy the last few days...

Child:
I’d rather chuck him in.
Not long left now.
We went on a late night [activity] tonight.

Adult:
Enjoy your last night, don’t eat too much chocolate! Had a nice week? Say the first few days were the best!!

Child:
It was alright. I survived. There’s been loads of sick people today 😬. It’ll be a good night.

Adult:
Going back? If all goes to plan you may have to put up with me all week 😁. Who is ill?

Child:
I might come back.
[name] and [name].

Adult:
I will if you will.....
[name] is gay, but [name].....
Have a great last day, I love it there. I will see you tomorrow afternoon.

Child:
Fine I’ll go.
We’ll have a good time!
See you tomorrow.

Adult:
Yeh. You will not regret it. Only the backlash of a prank or plenty more. Don’t eat too much crap, you will feel sick, unless it’s all gone already. Until next year!!!

Child:
I won’t eat too much. Don’t worry 😂.
I think I can handle the backlash of a prank

Adult:
Sounds like it has been smashed already? Your with the right man then! Goodnight [accommodation name] 😘

Child:
We haven’t eaten anything yet. See you tomorrow. Good night ☺️

OP posts:
FelixFelicis6 · 25/11/2019 13:38

This is gross.

AravisQueenOfArchenland · 25/11/2019 13:38

Sorry by "not a similar aged crush" I meant the person clearly doesn't see this kid as an almost adult on the same mental wave length, but as a child on a different level. That mixed with the subtle flirting is beyond creepy.

HoofWankingSpangleCunt · 25/11/2019 13:39

Fucking hell, that convo is very scary to read. Is the child your DD, Op? If so, how is your DD? What happened during the time they overlapped at the activity centre?
I would be calling everyone I needed to in this situation. It is blindingly obvious to anyone with half a brain that this is grooming .
Are you ok Op? If this is your DD it must have been terrifying to read.

Littlemisssugarplum88 · 25/11/2019 13:39

100% inappropriate. Poor girl is completely oblivious to all of the flirting. Please report this OP

helpagirloutplease · 25/11/2019 13:39

This is grooming. Have you spoken to the child? What's their understanding?

Instatwat · 25/11/2019 13:40

I’m not an oversensitive soul but I honestly found that really really hard to read. Absolutely inappropriate, by miles. What relationship do you have with one or both of them?

Herewego93 · 25/11/2019 13:40

I don't know if the op is coming back its either her child or husband. Either way must be really hard situation Flowers

user1471449295 · 25/11/2019 13:45

That was extremely uncomfortable reading. The adult is grooming the teenager. The amount of texts (why does he have the child’s number for a start) and the content scream grooming. How can the adult not know that this is very wrong?

Autumntoowet · 25/11/2019 13:49

I had to stop reading.
I worked as a mentor for teens including residentials and this has grooming all over it.

AutumnCrow · 25/11/2019 13:50

I would imagine the OP is in a place of shock and near-denial right now, trying to get her head straight so she can deal with this.

Princess So sorry you went through that Flowers

Cornishclio · 25/11/2019 13:51

Is that a teacher? Sounds inappropriate to me.

thornyhousewife · 25/11/2019 13:51

This is a horrible exchange and absolutely inappropriate.

You haven't given any context OP but I hope you're ok.

Luaa · 25/11/2019 13:51

Who is the adult? At first I assumed a parent. It definitely doesn't seem appropriate whoever they are though.

Interestedwoman · 25/11/2019 13:51

Yes I think it's really inappropriate. Even just all the 'miss me' stuff. Why is a random adult msging a child at all, really? I would definitely report it. I doubt anything will immediately happen in response to the report, but it could mean people keep an eye on him more, and it'll add weight to anyone else's complaints if anyone has problems with him in future.

IShitGlitter · 25/11/2019 13:52

Yep completely inappropriate

Thestrangestthing · 25/11/2019 13:53

Without knowing their relationship, its hard to tell. This could be a dad, a grampa, a mum, a teacher etc.
Without knowing the relationship I can't give you an answer.
I'm presuming everyone screaming about it being inappropriate are presuming it's a teacher, or instructor of some sort.

PlinkPlink · 25/11/2019 13:55

Ex teacher here.
I also work in a capacity where I have to moderate online presences and identify paedophiles/grooming.

This is grooming.

If the adult is a teacher/group leader it is entirely inappropriate for them to message children and teenagers. There is a boundary that needs to be observed and respected. These message cross that boundary.

Even if this wasn't an adult in a position of authority, this would still be grooming. The kissing emoticons, the trying to find something in common with the teen... all screaming beginning stages of grooming, along with contacting outside of whatever activity they would usually find themselves together.

Report to police
Report to school
Report. Report. Report.

seven201 · 25/11/2019 13:57

Another teacher here. You really need to report this to the police and the school.

Bluntness100 · 25/11/2019 13:57

I'd expect an ex teacher to ask the relationship first ie is this the father.

AravisQueenOfArchenland · 25/11/2019 14:00

"I will be waiting when you come home as I need a set of keys and it’s a good excuse to see you."

A parent wouldn't need an excuse to see their child? Even an estranged one? They'd just say I want to see you? I really don't think this is a family member.

AravisQueenOfArchenland · 25/11/2019 14:01

*close family member

Disfordarkchocolate · 25/11/2019 14:05

I thought grooming too. It made me very uncomfortable, the adult seemed to constantly push themselves closer if you know what I mean.

Bluntness100 · 25/11/2019 14:07

A parent wouldn't need an excuse to see their child? Even an estranged one?

Stick around here awhile. Plenty of separated parents need an excuse as the relationship with the ex is so bad.

Wonder where the op is....

P1nkHeartLovesCake · 25/11/2019 14:08

How old is the child?

The messages from the child don’t sound overly childish if you see what I mean and I’m not sure what mid teens mean? We could be talking 15 or we could be talking 16/17

Inappropriate again it depends on who the Male is if a teacher or similar then yes probably and they shouldn’t be texting a student anyway surely. If it’s a family friend, uncle, brother etc that’s volunteering at the camp thing maybe less so

Only you have the full facts here OP so I think only you can fully judge this situation. Ultimately though if it doesn’t feel right you need to report it, speak to child or the Male (deepening on which is yours I this story)

Bluntness100 · 25/11/2019 14:10

"I will be waiting when you come home as I need a set of keys and it’s a good excuse to see you

This indicates it's someone in the family.

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