Is this inappropriate?

[justtheonenamechange]

I've name changed for this as I didn't want it linked to my previous posts.

I've found the following text messages, which were written across several days during an activity week. The child is a girl in her mid-teens and the adult is a male in his 40s. The child attended the full week but the adult only attended the first few days. This is an exact transcript of the conversation, but with any identifying details taken out. Is the adult just being supportive/encouraging, or is this bordering on inappropriate? I would welcome any opinions please. Sorry it's quite long, but I didn't want to deliberately leave any of it out.

Adult:
If you look at the [place] I can see it from the [place]! Hope you enjoy the week. I knew you would love it, but I know you will miss me!!

Child:
I miss you already 😂. I hope I enjoy it, the jury is still out right now. Have a safe journey though 😊

Adult:
You will be asleep by now but possibly chatting away or shouting? Have a blast I miss [accommodation name] already 😉. Have fun, not too much I want you all to miss me!

Child:
[Accommodation name] is the best 😂. We‘ll have fun, but obviously we’ll miss you 😊.

Adult:
I know, my favourite [group] I guess!

Child:
I guess so 😂. You missed a great public soaking.

Adult:
Did you get footage?!
How was your theme night?
Had a very lonely boring day, just wondering how much fun I could have had 😞 with you.

Child:
Hiya, no. No footage, too busy hitting [name]. The theme night was good but very hot. You missed [name] dressed as a monk. I don’t think you’d have enjoyed [place] as it was hot. You are definitely missed 😕.

Adult:
Tomorrow looks lovely and hot. Another day where I watch my watch wondering what I’m missing. Enjoy the time it is the best time in my opinion. I miss you all.

Child:
Aww bless. I am trying to enjoy it, today was fun. We had the slip and slide out. We definitely miss you too.

Adult:
Did you get my wet willy in!
If not plenty of time left. Did I leave any credit in the canteen? If you don’t use it tell [name] to add it to the [charity name] fund. You should be asleep by now but I guess you are chatting away and about to get told to be quiet. I would not I would stand and listen!!

Child:
Yeah I did, haven’t had chance to use your credit, but I think we’ll use it on Friday. I thought you’d appreciate a little rule breaking 😂

Adult:
[Activity] rules like any are made to be broken and I can tell you most of them I have. I appreciate that and accept any punishment! Have a great time and I will be waiting when you come home as I need a set of keys and it’s a good excuse to see you.

Child:
Ok. Well I probably should go as it’s [name] out tonight 😬. See you when we get back. Try not to miss us too much!

Adult:
That would be a challenge for me in the old days. Goodnight 😉

Adult:
How’s it going? How’s the weather?

Child:
The weather is boiling. The [activity] thing was 💩

Adult:
Should have jumped in. Or chucked [name] in?
Looks a bit cooler tomorrow. Enjoy the last few days...

Child:
I’d rather chuck him in.
Not long left now.
We went on a late night [activity] tonight.

Adult:
Enjoy your last night, don’t eat too much chocolate! Had a nice week? Say the first few days were the best!!

Child:
It was alright. I survived. There’s been loads of sick people today 😬. It’ll be a good night.

Adult:
Going back? If all goes to plan you may have to put up with me all week 😁. Who is ill?

Child:
I might come back.
[name] and [name].

Adult:
I will if you will.....
[name] is gay, but [name].....
Have a great last day, I love it there. I will see you tomorrow afternoon.

Child:
Fine I’ll go.
We’ll have a good time!
See you tomorrow.

Adult:
Yeh. You will not regret it. Only the backlash of a prank or plenty more. Don’t eat too much crap, you will feel sick, unless it’s all gone already. Until next year!!!

Child:
I won’t eat too much. Don’t worry 😂.
I think I can handle the backlash of a prank

Adult:
Sounds like it has been smashed already? Your with the right man then! Goodnight [accommodation name] 😘

Child:
We haven’t eaten anything yet. See you tomorrow. Good night ☺️

Thank you again to everyone who has taken the time to comment; it honestly means a lot. To know that people have taken time out of their day to look up supportive charities' websites and phone numbers, then posted them here for me, is really heart warming.

I'm still with him as we have a large mortgage and I am currently financially dependent on him. If I returned to work full time I would earn much more than him, but I am reluctant to do that at the moment because I work in an industry where working full time would mean extremely long hours and I would barely see the DC. I feel that if I am about to turn their life upside down with us separating, I cannot take on a full time post and see them even less myself. I am therefore biding my time and looking for suitable full time roles nearby so that I can make myself financially independent first, with the longer term aim of separating and taking on the mortgage by myself (and therefore staying in our home).

I haven't spoken to anyone in real life because I don't want to. At the moment I feel it is best that way.

Thank you again for all the supportive, helpful comments.

Does he know you have seen those messages?

@Timetobegood no and I want to keep it that way! I also reported it anonymously. It took me a few days to think through how to do it, but I feel I've done it in the 'best' way (for want of a better word, as there is no 'best way' in this).

Well done, it must be horrendous to carry this secret. Keep strong and look forward to better times x

Wow. I am in awe. This is a tough situation and you are dealing with it. I can understand wanting to be in strong position before leaving. Getting your ducks in a row before it all goes down is smart.

I can’t imagine the tension you must be feeling. Especially as the investigation will hopefully be starting soon.

Good luck going forward.

Well done OP, you have been so brave.

One question I have which I don't know if you've thought about, or maybe it just wasn't too clear from reading your posts... You said hat when you went back to his phone the second time you saw that the messages were gone. Do you know what happened there? It seems a bit too much of a coincidence that they were deleted very soon after you saw them, considering he's had them on his phone since the summer school? I guess I am pondering that he may know you had looked at hem. E.g. when you read his WhatsApp did you leave the app open on that chat? I'm not trying to worry you OP but encourage you to have your guard up. If the complaint escalates then he will be wondering who has reported him.

I hope you can find a way to financially extricate yourself from him asap.

You have done a very brace thing, OP. What an amazing mother and woman you are

I would be very surprised if this is an isolated incident. Like I said, he sounds too clever and good at it
So I hope you have plenty support for what's to come

Wishing you well op. Please do look at how you get financially dependant from this man.

Based on those messages, it looks to me like practised grooming - so what you’ve seen really may be the tip of a much larger iceberg. Should this all come out - your dh is unlikely to be able to financially support you himself anyway. It would also be better for you to be removed from the situation yourself.

*brave

justtheonenamechange, I’m genuinely in awe of you. The young girl that he took advantage off, has turned into a grown women with incredible courage, empathy and intelligence. You’re going about this I exactly the correct way. News the time to secure the future for you and your children. Make sure you put away an ‘escape fund’ too. This is some secret money that you accrue, so that you have a fusion if you decide to dump him. You can get money back on cards when you’re shopping, in order to make it less obvious.

Excuse the spelling 😳

Sorry OP I found it uncomfortable to read as well. Whether he is just being overly friendly or not, it would be deemed inappropriate and a safeguarding issue due to the proffessional nature of their relationship. I say this as a teacher. I would never message my students outside of work, nor have them on social media. I would never ever presume to that friendly with them even in a classroom setting. You've classed her as a child so I'd presume by that they are under 16. Either way if they were over 16 it's still a breech of trust. I would report, even if theres nothing in it he needs to be told this is inappropriate behaviour, and if he is grooming, which it smacks of, he needs to know he will be reported.

Sorry just read your updates. So sorry your going through this, and I am in awe of how strong you are. You've absolutly done the right thing

You could apply for universal credit and you would be fine. You are effectively condoning this by staying with him and the mortgage is a pathetic excuse. If this comes out and it's it's discovered your husband has been up to more you will quite rightly be judged and possibly viewed as complicit. I cannot for the life of me understand how you are just acting normal with him and giving him the time of day