He won't accept we're separated

[cece]

We split nearly three months ago after I found out about an inappropriate relationship with another woman. It's not the first time and I said if it happened again we'd split. So we have.

However, he's still messaging me daily to ask me to talk about saving our marriage. I've told him repeatedly I don't want to talk about this as it's over. I feel trapped. He's just not listening to me.

Block.

Block him on everything. Seek a good solicitor.
Sorry you are going through this

Thanks, I have blocked him but for some reason his WhatsApp messages still come through. We have three kids together so do need to communicate about them.

Plus about a month ago he moved back into the house so it's harder to avoid him now.

The house you share together?
Re; whatsapp. Do a quick search online re; effective blocking. Create an email account solely for communicating about the children and that way you interact when you choose to. Your solicitor will be able to advise further.
That being said I'm sure there will be some very wise and knowledgeable posters along soon who can give you some further practical advice.
If you can, get copies of anything related to wages/ bank accounts / pensions etc...and keep them safe. Most importantly look after yourself and eat / sleep which I know is easier said than done. Soup is good if you can't stomach a meal.
Have you anyone you can contact to give you support?

Christ no wonder you feel trapped.. OP make little plans.. get yourself out for coffee etc..

This is harassment OP. Have you taken any advice? The National Stalking Helpline might be a good first port of call on your legal options here. Please do something before this escalates. www.suzylamplugh.org/Pages/Category/national-stalking-helpline
0808 802 0300

Sorry, didn't see that he'd moved back into the house before I posted I thought you had split up with him and he was harassing you with messages.

Have you sought legal advice? I'm assuming you're still married.

So far today he's sent me 10 messages on WhatsApp about getting back together. Some days I get over 25 messages.

Yes, he moved back into our shared house without warning or informing me. He just turned up one day when I was at work.

I have spoken to the police but they said it wasn't enough to charge him with harassment. Apparently a judge would consider it reasonable as it always about us reuniting.

Yes, still married.

I intend to proceed with divorce application. And I'm writing him a formal letter to make it clear we're divorcing and for us to attend mediation.

I think the best thing to do is get legal advice from Rights of Women
rightsofwomen.org.uk/get-advice/family-law/ regarding the house.

It might also be an idea to contact Women's Aid to ensure your safety. Him not respecting your decision to end the relationship and the barrage of messages is worrying. It's best to get professional advice.

As we have a joint mortgage on the house I've been told he has a right to be here. The police said if he becomes physical or I'm frightened I can phone them.

But he's claiming he's mentally unwell. Apparently that's why he cheated...

I feel like he's trying to control me as his mental illness gets bad when I try to talk about splitting up but doesn't stop him going out drinking with his friends. Especially on nights when he knows I'm supposed to be going out!

Mute the WhatsApp. Glance over the messages once a day to see if there is anything factual you need to consider. You don't have to talk to him about splitting up. Avoid him. Let the solicitor do all the communication. Get a babysitter planned if you are going out.

Delete his number for the moment. Then if he messages you should be able to block, as he won't be in your contact list.

Tell him to email you with any child related messages, as you won't be reading his unwanted WhatsApp or texts about a reconciliation.

I think that instead of blocking him you need to get a copy saved of every single message, and keep an incident diary. Write down everything. He is harassing you, you need to keep the evidence.

If you can afford a solicitor, you can formalise a separation

And uninstall WhatsApp. Anyone who matters can contact you by other means.

I second keeping copies of all communication. I think with Whatsapp you can download whole message streams and print them out. I would do that. Divert calls to voice mail so you can record any abusive messages as evidence.

Rights of Women can advise on next steps legally regarding separation/divorce and perhaps recommend solicitors with DV training and experience.

As previously stated, get advice from WA on safety whilst living with him. They will be alarmed at the messages and his inability to accept the end of the relationship and they will take you seriously.

Thanks. I've just had him crying and sobbing at me. All about what he wants. He's gone up to his bedroom now as when he said why aren't you listening to me and what I want? I pointed out he wasn't respecting my decision or listening to what I want.

I'll probably get another suicide threat later.

Suicide threats are typical manipulative tactics for abusers. He's manipulating you. If he threatens suicide then offer to dial 999. You need to disengage from the relationship and get support.

He did stop as last time I did call 999 and the ambulance people returned to his house (when he was at his mums) three times. And kept him awake till 4 am!!

Well done OP!

Sounds awful. Can u get him to go to his mums and change locks?
I know it's his house too but he sounds unhinged. Plz get advice asap.
Do you get on with his mum? Just wondering if she'll have him for a bit?
You sound well rid (or nearly) if you dont mind me saying so.

He DOES sound unhinged and could easily become dangerous now.

Tell him to fuck off then block

Every time he messages you, you reply..............wrong audience.

No further communication needed.