He won't accept we're separated

[cece]

We split nearly three months ago after I found out about an inappropriate relationship with another woman. It's not the first time and I said if it happened again we'd split. So we have.

However, he's still messaging me daily to ask me to talk about saving our marriage. I've told him repeatedly I don't want to talk about this as it's over. I feel trapped. He's just not listening to me.

If it were you who had been in inappropriate relationships with other men, rather than him with other women, one might have a shred of sympathy for him. But no. He has no right to think he gets to choose that you stay together after behaving like that. He needs to get over it and move on. Does he have anyone sensible in his family who might talk to him if you have a chat with them first?

You need to make it 100% clear OP.

Tell him not a chance, it will never happen, and to stop asking.

Time to start some very obvious online dating 😎

He's read the script, weep and wail be distraught, throw in the MH card. Make her feel sorry for me and then ask to try again.

It's not the first time he's cheated on you so I doubt it would be the last.

Although you could use the opportunity to ask him to move out whilst you work on your relationship/think about it

Omg

He's now messaged me to say he'd support me if I was mentally ill and he can't understand why I am not supporting him.

😱

"I don't love you any more. It is over."

Hes trying to make you look bad in case he can't get his own way and get you back. Personally I would send : "I am divorcing you because you have cheated and treated me badly, not because of your mental health. We will not be trying again and that answer will not change. Do not contact me again about this."

Maybe add something about him needing to move out by x. And go see a divorce lawyer!

He doesn't understand why you are not supporting him. Right. Man cheats on wife and then claims to be bemused as to why his wife is not supportive of him any more. He is funny from a distance. It's like listening to a child explain why you should definitely not be cross with them for the very bad thing they did.

Your mental health had no bearing on your inappropriate relationships with other women. I am sorry that you're struggling with your mental health, I understand as my husband has cheated on me repeatedly and as is refusing to listen regarding the end of our marriage.

Um, well, the answer to that would be, 'because I don't love you. I don't even like you. I just don't care for you any more'.

Oh OP. I think you married my exH. He did EXACTLY the same when I calmly told him he added no value to my life and I wanted him to leave. The amount of times he said how upset he was, what he wanted but never once asked me how I was, what I wanted.

He refused to leave for 4 days, then went to his mother's and kept coming back ever few days, which gradually became longer over time.

6 months later when I filed for divorce I got an abusive text in Klingon, yes he was a catch, I know....

Just keep eye rolling, ignoring and eventually he'll get bored and find someone else to entertain him. You can only hope.

I'm down your way in a few weeks time, does you patio need help?

Ugh he is so annoying. Hire a lawyer and have them write to him instead. Have you started divorce proceedings?

Do be careful - he will quite likely turn from desperation to bitter fury when he realises you really mean it.

Unless it's about your dc don't engage with him.

Tomorrow morning go to a solicitor and get the ball rolling. Once he knows the processes has started he'll start to wake up.

Get a leagal letter of seperation, once he has seen it in writing it may just sink in. Have you seperated the bills and bank accounts ? If not do it ASAP

Get papers sorted, separate bank accounts, divide up shared money and bills.
Go ahead with the nuts and bolts of separating, if he starts to complain about his mental health again, tell him yours will only improve once he is gone.

Is he mentally ill? Has he been to a doctor and been diagnosed?

He sounds very manipulative. I'm not sure having poor mental health causes affairs.

Yes he's been signed off sick for three months now due to his mental health.

I have seen a solicitor, but before we actually split, so not recently.

I have tried asking for help from police and a domestic abuse helpline but they both said it wasn't bad enough. But that was in over a month ago and it feels worse now.

He's been sending more messages and trying to talk to me this afternoon as I replied to his messages by saying for him to a to them and I still. Want a divorce.

He then spent the afternoon crying and wailing. 🙄

If he's refusing to leave is it possible for you to move out?

Don’t move out until you speak to your solicitor

You need to leave if he won’t.

I would if I could but I can't afford the rent for a 3 bedroom property for me and the kids. It would cost more than I earn each month.

I'd get more advice from the police as it's escalated since.

Have a look at the benefits and cm you'd receive though.