He won't accept we're separated

[cece]

We split nearly three months ago after I found out about an inappropriate relationship with another woman. It's not the first time and I said if it happened again we'd split. So we have.

However, he's still messaging me daily to ask me to talk about saving our marriage. I've told him repeatedly I don't want to talk about this as it's over. I feel trapped. He's just not listening to me.

Oh @cece I "know you" from MN way back and used to live locally.

No advice apart from ignoring his theatrics.

Get a solicitor. Block him from everything except email. Tell him and emails about anything except your children will be immediately deleted.

File for divorce and go through with it.
Seek more advice from your solicitor too.
If they think its an unhealthy environment for the children maybe that might help get him out.
Could you not talk to his parents. Say your filling for divorce but he won't leave.
Also tell him you want to put the house on the market.
Please don't let him bully you into staying. Been there done that. Just prolongs the agony.

Thanks everyone and waves to randomess.

I'm printing off a letter before work to give him regarding divorce and mediation. Sadly his mum lives 200 miles away so it's not a practical option. Although he initially went there for a few weeks, I think he was stressing her out as he cries and wails a lot.

Last night I could hear him crying in his room. He'd left the door open....

I'm trying to grey rock him ( is that the phrase)

The only way I got my manipulative ex to move out was to start treating him as a joke. When he threatened suicide would laugh & tell him to get on with it. Call him an ugly minded small dicked loser & he was most welcome to stay but it made him look like a sad, desperado & his choice to not get his own life & move on like a man. I had to destroy his ego to get him to leave & laugh at him like he was a joke. Eventually he did move out, as he just couldn’t manipulate his way back. I would let him ramble & sook & threaten self harm then id laugh & say “wow so you really think that’ll work? You really do think I’m stupid don’t you! Lol”

I actually said “lol” to him. You know how teenagers are snotty & give you withering looks like you are dirt under their shoe ? Like that.

It’s a contempt but more like a “you’re a fucking joke to even want to stay here mate” & not an angry contempt. Pretend you don’t care he is there or if he offs himself. He needs to be where he has a captive audience so don’t give it to him.

I would encourage him to invite other women over, tell him you can double date with your new tinder hookup... go all out. He will move on once he realises there is no point hanging around, you have flown the coop & all he is doing is lingering around like a bad smell.

People may disagree but I personally did get my ex to move out via these methods. No children & not married & renting though admittedly.

You also need to think of your safety, if he thinks there's no hope of reconciliation he might kill you first.

I've left the letter and I'm off to work. He's still snoring upstairs.

Will see what happens I suppose. Hoping to file divorce paperwork today or tomorrow. I have a sen child so it's unpredictable when he goes to sleep.

I would investigate an occupation order how his emotionally manipulative behaviour and suicide threats are affecting the DC - plus anything else of his behaviour that can be used.

I contacted a domestic abuse helpline about getting a non mol estation order. But they said it wasn't bad enough. I'm so fed up of him.

If his mental illness renders him unable to control his sexual urges then I would suggest he's not safe to have in the house with yourself and your DC.

Gather all the info you can where he's said his mental health caused him to be sexually active against his will, then use that as evidence as to why he shouldn't be in the same house as you, or indeed any female.

I think because he is solely communicating about wanting to get back together until you have filed for divorce and made clear your intention to split legally this behaviour is still reasonable. I'm not defending it, I just mean legally.

Keep going with your plans. Even if he does have MH issues which is really sad that means he needs to be focusing on himself but he may see you as the thing keeping him going. Can you contact his MH team and inform them of the situation re filing for divorce so they up their support to him at this awful time for your family?

Others have given great practical advice on the current situation. I would advise you not to have any form of mediation with him. He is abusive and if you look at the relationships board here you will see that it’s a bad idea. Good luck

Absolutely feel for you and also want to say how brilliant you are. He treated you like dirt and now he’s got a taste of the real you. If he wanted to be married to you he should have treated you well when he had you. Too late buster. Just get that divorce filed ASAP and keep your eyes on the prize. Man free house. Delicious. God knows why anybody puts up with middle aged selfish man child pricks. It’s always all about them.

Fit4more

Well said

I've returned from work and found my letter screwed up in the kitchen.

If he is a threat to you and your children, based on the evidence you have I would be changing the locks, taking his possessions to his parents and taking out an injunction

any chance of changing the locks?

oops I should have read sorry

Bet he left hid door open deliberately so you could hear him 'crying'. Lol, what a bullshitter.

Think I'd go out for a night out now. (Or at least let him think I was n stay at a hotel or something) so that it would further ram home that you don't care to stay in and listen to his wining about what HE wants.

Good luck with the grey rock. It really isn't designed for when you still live with them :/ hopefully you'll get away soon.

Screwed up letter. FFS. What a child. Do it all through solicitors now.

I'm now being ignored .

Result. Enjoy.

Better than being harassed at least.

Be ready for him to turn nasty when he realises this course of action won't get you back either though.