He won't accept we're separated

[cece]

We split nearly three months ago after I found out about an inappropriate relationship with another woman. It's not the first time and I said if it happened again we'd split. So we have.

However, he's still messaging me daily to ask me to talk about saving our marriage. I've told him repeatedly I don't want to talk about this as it's over. I feel trapped. He's just not listening to me.

I'm just selecting my shovel to pack

It's a decade since SIL had to do this but Runnymede loaned her deposit money to go into private rental etc. Because she was leaving an emotionally abusive relationship.

I think file for divorce immediately on unreasonable behaviour - don't need a solicitor to file.

If his behaviour continues to escalate try again for a non-molestation order, presumably this is very upsetting for the DC and all this ignoring you is emotional abuse.

Actually I think I meant an occupation order!!

Absolutely contact CMS and put in a claim.

Ensure you are living utterly separately do NOTHING for him, separate food cupboards, separate fridge shelves, separate washing baskets. Apply for universal credit, explain he is still in the house as he refuses to leave or contribute, you are filing for divorce and applying for an occupation order. You may get help towards childcare costs if nothing else.

Focus your energy on moving it all on legally.

I've just had him in my room telling me about what he wants for over an hour. I have repeatedly said no I don't want to get back with you but he's just not listening. This is awful.

So it's harassment, speak to DV helpline again and see if the criteria for molestation or occupancy order are nearer being met.

If you ever feel threatened please call the police on 999

Speak to your DV unit at the police and explain the situation and that you think it's escalating, they can put a marker on your address and phone number.

Have you seen signs of him being manipulative in the past?

Perhaps next time walk out the house and leave him there with the DC?

Keep safe

He should ask his lady friends to support him. He is a master manipulator. It is incredibly sad and distressing for you to hold everything together for this man child.
Tell him you would have supported him if he hadn't been flirting with other women.

I think one thing you could do to give yourself a space in which you can be reliably free of him, is to put a lock on your bedroom door.

At this point, this is emotional abuse and harassment, surely?

Do you have any large, rather hard to ignore, male friends who could have a 'quiet chat' with him and get him to understand that when you say no, you mean no, and he'd better start listening and respecting that?

I know it is so hard but u have got to disengage don't get into conversation with him. He is manipulating you. Please try womans aid for advice and support...stay strong x

He's escalating, as I thought he would. Stay safe and report this as advised. Can you somehow block him from getting in your room if you don't have a lock?

I dont really have a huge amount of advice but I was in a similar situation, minus the cheating, our relationship just broke down and there was excessive drinking on his part.

he refused to believe it, altho did apply for a council property. as he effectively had a property as was on the mortgage for family home in had to write a letter to say it wasnt good for our children to live together.

it took them months to offer him a property and had suicide threats in that time with police called. each time Social services got involved, could they not help you at all?

my ex has now moved out but still will not accept things. and every few days will constantly message. I block him but like u I need to unblock due to communication for kids.

I hope u get it sorted, it's a horrible situation

Yes, I've had suicide threats too.

There's no way he'd get a council property as he earns too much. He's a high earner but that's part of the problem as he considers it his money. Not ours.

Can you get a lock / latch on your bed room door, OP?

I would call 101 every day until they take you seriously.

Get a wedge for your door so you can wedge it shut when you want to be alone

I think you need to say:
"You CHOSE this. I was clear the first time you cheated that if you did it again, I would divorce you. You DID cheat again, knowing the consequences clearly, so you wanted this. I am simply following your choices."

Repeat.

Do you have children op?

If not, book yourself a nice spa weekend or just a hotel room for a night where you can relax in peace.

RTFT @Dandelion1993.

Booking a spa won't solve her problems. Not that you don't deserve to get away for a night at a spa OP!

@Dandelion1993 she does have children read the thread

If he’s a high earner won’t his maintenance cover the rental on a house? Have you approached the council? I’d get out of there. It sounds like he is escalating his behaviour.

I did go through but clearly missed some bits.

My thought was that just having a night to just not be bothered by him might help op as this will get her more down the longer it goes on and that she deserved a little break!

cece I'd be sure to remove any vital paperwork out of the house and any highly sentimental stuff.

He's puttng a lot of energy into this shit and when it turns to anger, it could get nasty.

Just in case, protect yourself.

I've got home from work and he's being nice and helpful . He's even cleaned the kitchen and put the bins out.

He never does the bins...

He is going all out to wear down your boundaries!

I'd honestly be checking what rubbish he chucked to make sure it wasn't anything precious of mine or some rather important / incriminating (for him) paperwork ...

You poor thing Cece. .. nightmare. Stay strong.
He is a bully in "mental health" sheeps clothing.

As lunde posts, that is clearly his plan, to wear you down. Mental health you in to submission.

He's also sent me 11 messages begging me to reconsider since yesterday afternoon.