New relationship- advice and views please!

[aroundandaroundagain]

I've started seeing this guy, its only been a few weeks and I'm not sure about it.
We've only been out once in the last 3 week's. Last weekend he said he would come and see me and we'd go out but he didn't and then this weekend the same and it never happened.
We hardly text and never talk on the phone.
I see him during the week at his business which is just around the corner from where I live but that's it. When I see him He's really into me.
In the last two weeks I've got my results though for my degree and passed. He said we would celebrate but we haven't and last week it was my birthday. He said I didn't tell him when I did. Again he said we would do something but didn't.

I'm thinking about ending it.
What would you do?

EMDR is to process unstuck memories that manifest into flashbacks and nightmares. My memories have already been processed and therefore unstuck. Complex PTSD is slightly different from normal PTSD, it impacts the very core of your being. It damages who you are as a person, your identity, your place in the world.
Its often the case that abuse was prolonged over a period of time, started in childhood and often by a person who was trusted.

I don't want to go too much into it as don't want to derail the thread. I do agree that I need more therapy specifically around trauma and the impact of that.

Since splitting with the ex a year and a half ago I have been working on my self esteem, self worth and boundaries.

This thing I have with the new guy is showing me that I need to do a lot more work on boundaries as around certain types that display narc traits, that all goes to shit.

If you don’t trust your judgment on this new man, perhaps trust MNetters’ judgment?

Given all you have going on, a new relationship with anyone is a risk. The chances of us being wrong about this one being a bad’un and him being a caring short or long term BF prospect, and you missing out, are small relative to the risks for you if he isn’t those things.

Also, your instincts here have been pretty good, you felt something wasn’t right and posted about it.

Another massive hug coming your way OP.

Reasons you are brilliant and strong

Intelligent
Insightful enough to question your behaviour - this is a huge gift!!
Loving
Resilient
Successful
And a fucking survivor

YOU ma'am have everything to play for. And we won't let you give up!

First the meds - GP visit for that ASAP please. My mum always reduces hers without supervision when she actually feels low because one of the things she is sad about is perhaps being on medication for the rest of her life.
Selfishly I NEED HER! I want her to be happy and in the long run that means medication for as long as she needs it at a dosage that works.

Now she sees the GP at times she feels stronger and they try reducing it for a while. Never at times she is especially low.

You have the MN army behind you and we would love this to be one of the threads where an OP keeps us posted, calls on collective support and then makes us all cry when they come back triumphant happy and strong in six months / a year / however their journey is.

I don't even know you and I just missed a train on purpose to make sure I could send this. And I regret nothing! And I'm lazy as fuck so that must mean you're pretty cool

We stand with you

My heart goes out to you OP ❤️ Sending love and hugs - you sound like an amazing person and you're worth so much more than that loser. I pray you will start to see and love yourself for who you really are. God bless 💐

Hugs to you.

Will you please get along to your GP to discuss your antidepressants and dosages?

This might be a really bad time to be trying to wean yourself off them.

What are the side effects like if you stay at your regular dose?

I hope you and your kids are feeling better soon.

hug & handhold from me as well. You are not a mess, just look after yourself & DC.

Be kind to yourself

There is nothing wrong with being on Antidepressants for the rest of your life if that is what you need.
I take a drug that I will be on for the rest of my life - and there is no "guilt" associated with it. My body has a chemical imbalance and I need this drug. The same could be true of you and ADs.

Just want to add as well please don't beat yourself up about this man's behaviour it's very common behaviour that happens all the time and none of it is anything to do with you so please don't think it's something you did wrong or there's something wrong with you! Narcissists are personality disordered and hardwired to try to use and take advantage of everyone who crosses their path and they are really good at fooling and tricking people, even people who work in psychiatry can be taken in by them. All you can do is educate yourself, have strong boundaries and get away from them quickly as soon as you spot any red flags, all of which you have done

Thank you for all the support and kind words. I just wanted to update to say that I'm still with him. I admit I've got myself emotionally attached. I seem to be repeating some pattern from my childhood as I have to fight the submissive role I keep falling into.
A lot has happened recently. I don't know if you want to hear it though because its just stupid tbh.

I went to my docs and reducing my antidepressants with their support. I don't want to be on them anymore, they just make me sleep and eat. I have more motivation now that the dosage has reduced.

Oh OP, you sound really dejected I'm sorry to hear that you can see you're repeating an unhealthy pattern but can't seem to stop yourself. I know how that feels from past situations and it's horrid.

I must remind you of what I said in my last post on this thread:

I don't even know you and I just missed a train on purpose to make sure I could send this. And I regret nothing! And I'm lazy as fuck so that must mean you're pretty cool

So share whatever you think would help you to share - we are here ready to listen if you need. Don't share anything you don't want to of course, no pressure

Remember you said this - trust your gut again now, it usually knows best:

I feel overwhelmed with this new guy. He's love bombed me, made me feel something, promised me the world. I know this is all probably tactics though.* I think I'm in denial because I don't trust my own gut.*

He said very intense things, very soon and unsettled you deeply. You seemed to be a bit clearer when you last updated us, realising that his behaviour wasn't healthy.

Has the relationship sort of crept back up on you or has something big happens?

Ps well done for going to your GP