New relationship- advice and views please!

[aroundandaroundagain]

I've started seeing this guy, its only been a few weeks and I'm not sure about it.
We've only been out once in the last 3 week's. Last weekend he said he would come and see me and we'd go out but he didn't and then this weekend the same and it never happened.
We hardly text and never talk on the phone.
I see him during the week at his business which is just around the corner from where I live but that's it. When I see him He's really into me.
In the last two weeks I've got my results though for my degree and passed. He said we would celebrate but we haven't and last week it was my birthday. He said I didn't tell him when I did. Again he said we would do something but didn't.

I'm thinking about ending it.
What would you do?

We need more info OP. How did you meet? Are they set days you visit him? Can you contact and receive a answer from him in the evenings and weekends? Has he given a excuse for your birthday?

So he’s stood you up twice? Bin him for that alone. Would you let a friend do that? Would you do that to someone else? No. Don’t let someone treat you like crap OP.

Someone else will turn up. Someone nice.

Are you having sex with this man?

OP phone him tonight and see if he answers

Oh dear! He sounds exactly like someone I know! He is on a rebound from his partner who he treated badly. Avoid! He doesn't own a garage by any chance does he? 😂

This is not a good “relationship”. He’s done absolutely nothing to make you feel special- cancelled dates, not remembered or celebrated any of your milestones/achievements. All he’s done is fed you some lines and made you feel like you’re something special to him. But his actions don’t show any sense of specialness. You could do MUCH better.

I’d agree that there isn’t really anything to finish, it’s not got off the starting blocks. If you do actually tell him you’re finishing with him be aware that he will ramp up the declarations of love and the rosy future so you stay reeled in.

Oh OP this doesn't sound good. Major red flags on so many levels. Have you been to his house? If not, chances are he has a wife/ partner. He told you he's spoken about you to his family and wants you to meet them - then why hasn't he arranged that? I'm guessing he hasn't.

Please don't let him meet your children - it's way too soon. Most people wait for at least six months/a year.

I'm guessing that if you didn't make the effort to go and see him at his business, you wouldn't see him at all, despite his ridiculous declarations of love.

I would be blocking and dumping.

I feel so stupid. I'm crying over this man. I was happy on my own, had been for over a year but then he came and forced his way into my life.

Yes he does own a garage. I met him when I had to go there one day out of desperation as my usual garage I go to was shut for a few days.

I haven't got the bottle to ring him. I wish I did but I haven't because I'm just a pathetic excuse who lets men walk all over her.

I watsapped him over an hour ago and there's still only one tick which means he's eitjer got no internet connection or his phone is off.

No you aren't. You are trusted someone you cared for because you are a good person and assumed therefore that because you cared for him, he must be a good person who cared for you too.

Because you have a good heart, you assume it in others.
That doesn't make you weak or stupid.
Better a tad naieve than a lying, cold, manipulative prick like him and countless like him anyway.

Block his number.

Hugs.

I don't think you are crying over him, it is more about the relationship you wish to have.

You are NOT a pathetic excuse for anything!

You know you can be perfectly happy on your own like you've just said.

Now you know what you don't want in a partner (someone who has this man's traits) which means you are now in a better position to move forward than before.

We are all always learning and it must be really hard not to be blindsided by this kind of behaviour when you go back into seeing someone after a long relationship then a period of being single.

He sounds generally quite overwhelming, dictating a relationship on his terms so confidently that you suddenly realise you've been carried along and then when you think oh shit am I actually happy it's like the rug is pulled from beneath you.

I might be wrong but I've been in a similarish place.

You sound lovely, you've been burned yes but you have no ties to him and you can make the break for yourself because it sounds like the right thing to do.

The things he was saying were much too intense too quick and now you know to be on your guard if that happens again - it will serve you well in the end even though as with everything lessons are shit to learn at the time!

Don't waste too many tears on this guy, you're dodging a bullet it sounds like

OP do you think you would be able to delete him from your life?
I know it's painful but he sounds like an emotionally unavailable man who's been love bombing you to hook you in.
It's only been x amount of weeks, if you're upset now, imagine what it will be like in the future if you continue hanging on.
He's putting in the bare minimum to keep you hanging in there.
Honestly I really don't think you're going to get any commitment out of him.

I withheld my number because I'm a coward and rang his for a second to check it was off and it wasn't. He just must not have internet connection.

Don't think of it like a mistake, think of it as a learning curve. You live and learn.

Remember you're the prize, don't listen to words, watch their actions.

Are you ringing to check if he's blocked you or not?

He may be blocking and unblocking you to prevent any messages coming through if he's married

Op please do not blame yourself. This is no reflection of you!!

Some people play with people, and that's all there is to it. Please don't let him walk over you anymore though. Move on as quickly as possible

No I'm not. His picture would not be there any longer if he had blocked me

Does he have last seen on his Whattsapp? If he has a very private account that can be a warning sign. Also is he on Facebook? Any social media?

Just to add you are not stupid! You are a single Mum to three and you just got a degree!! You are an amazing, clever, strong woman.

That is too weird that he owns a garage, this guy she was engaged to did exactly the same to my friend. Controlled her life after getting her completely hooked by promising the earth. Moved him and his kids in really quickly and never warned her what mess there was with his ex wife/kids, social services. Horrendous things happened and now she is in a mess and having to rebuild her and her children's lives. Manipulated her and stopped her from coming out with us. Told her his ex wife was nuts but it was always obvious to us that it was him after he said he loved her after about 2 weeks. We are so glad that she got out even though the awful event that caused it was like a nightmare

You’re not at all stupid. You came on here posting this thread because you didn’t feel right about how he was treating you. You’re just a decent, honest person who would like to believe other people are too. Sometimes you meet someone who isn’t- but you shouldn’t feel bad, you’ve done nothing wrong, he has!

I think he’s married. If you want to find out then ask to go to his house. Watch him squirm.

I’d bet my house that he either has a girlfriend or wife. I’m sorry OP, it’s really shit. You will be better off without him in the long run.