New relationship- advice and views please!

[aroundandaroundagain]

I've started seeing this guy, its only been a few weeks and I'm not sure about it.
We've only been out once in the last 3 week's. Last weekend he said he would come and see me and we'd go out but he didn't and then this weekend the same and it never happened.
We hardly text and never talk on the phone.
I see him during the week at his business which is just around the corner from where I live but that's it. When I see him He's really into me.
In the last two weeks I've got my results though for my degree and passed. He said we would celebrate but we haven't and last week it was my birthday. He said I didn't tell him when I did. Again he said we would do something but didn't.

I'm thinking about ending it.
What would you do?

Op you need to stop all this. Him turning up at your home, uninvited and without asking you first shows he has no respect for you, and will quite soon dominate your entire life.

With respect OP you say yourself you’re inexperienced with dating. You were a teen when you Got with your Ex & spent all your adult life with him.

You sound like a teen with a crush on a boy looking for signs that he likes you.

Get rid of yer man. Go on fun dates if you want. You don’t need to jump u to a deep & meaningful relationship. Enjoy your kids. Find your feet. You’ve done the hard bit getting rid of horrible ex, it’s time for you now.

There’s lots of predators like yer man waiting to slide in there. It feels familiar because of your ex. Get rid & concentrate on you & your kids

Huge red flag!

Get away from this man.

Well after deciding to end this and not see him any further, he turns up at my house with no warning. My children were sleeping.

But what are you confused about? This is totally inappropriate and you let him in uninvited, knowing he is difficult and punishes you for not going along with what he wants, while your children were in the house.

What on earth is in this relationship for you?

Where on earth can the relationship go that will make you happy?

I honestly don't understand what is confusing.

I'd get it if you were saying you don't know how to word ending it, whether to do it in text or in person etc and asking for advice on that. But it sounds like you are actually going to continue seeing him.

Having been with a narc for 9 years, reading this makes me feel anxious! Just get rid ASAP.

How did he know your address?

He's turning up at your house when your kids are there?!!!!!!

And then if you complain he'll say 'I thought you wanted us to see more of each other'.

Errr, yes, in a planned way that doesn't involve the children.

Please end it with this guy - he sounds awful!

Oh sweetheart, what has happened to you that you will put up with this sort of behaviour from someone you barely know?

Please, please, please cut this man off. He is a liar and a future faker.

Remember, THIS is him at his best. THIS is him trying to impress you, in the first flush of attraction and romance. If this isn't very impressive just how dire must his normal persona be??!!

Why didn't you call the police? He has stalker written all over him.
He is dangerous! He is using intimidation to keep you in his web.

I would send him a message telling him to stay away from you. Any unwanted contact will make you call the authorities. And.do.it!

I am terribly worried about your reactions and behaviour.
He is leeching onto you because you have certain personality traits that make you the perfect target for predators
Pp suggested counseling for you, which is perfect given the circumstances

If you're ready to stop this madness but not quite sure how to go about it, I suggest a short text saying, "Hi, thanks for everything. You're not the guy for me, but I wish you all the best."

When he replies, wait for at least half a day before replying. Then if he's only been in touch once, to ask you to explain why, for example, say, "It's just my decision. All the best."

But if he's been in touch more than once, or gets in touch again after your second message, you can justifiably move up to "Please don't contact me again. Any further contact will be regarded as harassment." (And obviously, if he then turned up at your door, you've basically already told him that you will be calling the police. And if it gets to that stage, that's absolutely the best thing to do.)

So when is he taking you out?

But if you choose that route, you have to stick with it for best results. Don't feel you owe him any additional information. You have to be utterly utterly dull (grey rock technique) so that he has nothing to hang a reply on. He is creepy af; he'll definitely be looking for some way to keep you talking, so he can charm his way into prolonging things as long as possible.

He sounds a bit of a damp squib to me. I cannot help thinking that you deserve better than this.

Although I think some of the replies to this thread have been a bit harsh -just my perception, I really do appreciate your views on this. Some have brought a smile to my face and others have made me think.
Thanks for the breakdown of how to stop the madness. I was wondering how I could go about it because I know he will try to talk me round and then turn up at my house if I just block.
He knows my address as he picked me up when we went out.
He's adamant he's taking me out next weekend as I've told him I'm busy this one and not available. I'm out with my sister to celebrate my birthday and MSc degree so staying over in the city. He did look a bit put out when I told him that and then said "we need to go out to a bar together, wait until you see me out. People love me".

@aroundandaroundagain that means he's a complete bellend the life of the party and can't control his drink to me.

🚩

Why don't you tell him you don't want to see him again?

I dont understand

Christ, what a tosser. Just get rid.It's really not difficult to do. In future, don't let randoms pick you up from home.

*It's really

Do you want to keep seeing him?

I'm finding it really confusing - I promise I'm not trying to be harsh I just don't understand why you aren't ending things when he sounds worse with everything you say x

He's adamant he's taking me out next weekend

OP, you do realise that however 'adamant' he is, it's irrelevant unless you actually want to go out with him on that or any other weekend? And if he turns up again uninvited and unwanted at your house you don't let him in?

"we need to go out to a bar together, wait until you see me out. People love me".

I think this ranks as one of the most unpromising things I've heard anyone say about themselves recently. Are you supposed to cling to his arm and stare at him in goofy admiration while he dazzles the bar with his banter/dance moves/ magic tricks?

I’m sorry but he can’t be adamant that he’s taking you out. For a date to take place, you need the agreement of two people. If you don’t want to go, just say no! Don’t let him steamroll you, OP.

So basically you’ve finished it and he’s over riding your decision, and you’re letting him?

Oh love.

Fucking hell. He sees you as an easy target because you are one; he’s trouncing your boundaries because you have none. I’ve been there and it was not pretty. It’s always subtle stuff that makes you feel crazy.

Please contact the police and ask them to look into him with regards to Claire’s Law. He might have a history of abusive/stalkerish behaviour.

What he’s doing is absolutely not on. PLEASE do not contact him again. If he comes to your house, dial 999. Do it for the sake of your kids, if you think you’re not worth it (but you are!).

He is full of shit, and is very bad news.

The more you write about him the worse he sounds.

We are not harsh.
REALISTIC!

Have you been in previous abusive relationships before?