Husband has aged terribly

[anothernamejeeves]

I feel so awful and shallow but this has been bugging me for so long. We have been together nearly 20 years and he had always looked older than his years but now has aged so badly be mistake him for my dad. I'm struggling to find him attractive at all. I know we all age but he seems to have aged so prematurely and extremely I am wondering whether i can get past this. I love him but I don't know what I can do. Before people mention greys and wrinkles this is a lot more extreme than most other people his age

this is a lot more extreme than most other people his age

In what way?

What do you want him to do about this?

What do you want to do about this?

Hmm, we all age don't we?

How would you hope he would feel about this if it was the other way round and you had aged terribly? Maybe he thinks you have?

What has happened to him beyond greying and wrinkles?

Is it just his outward appearance that has ages or his personality too?

Before people mention greys and wrinkles this is a lot more extreme than most other people his age

How? It does sound very shallow TBH. I'm wondering are his looks the only thing that attracted you in the first place? I find all parts of my DP attractive, his mind, his intelligence, his personality in general and his looks (but only because of the rest!)

It’s incredibly infrequent that I come on a mumsnet post and find myself siding with the man in the scenario.

Are you sure it’s just his physical appearance that you have an issue with? And that that’s not just an easier thing for you to acknowledge than the bigger issue?

I can’t imagine appraising someone I’d lived 20 years of life with and feeling this way. Maybe it is you who has aged him?

Can you describe it more as I’m struggling to understand what you mean. How can it be more than grey and wrinkles?

Very saggy jowly skin which looks like he could easily be in his 70's rather than 50

I can't post a photo for obvious reasons but it's very extreme

Does he have weight to lose? Often men get jowly because of fat and when they start working out etc it tends to improve faster than with women.

Has he gained weight?

Does he drink/ smoke/ not look after himself?

I feel a bit sorry for him. Has he mentioned his appearance to you?

I do understand this and pals have said this about their partners too on occasion. I honestly think older men have got away with it for years not worrying about moisturiser, weight etc and I know a few couples where the men look much older than their female partners. Working longer hours etc is a factor but not in all situations. I don’t know the answer op but you aren’t alone

@anothernamejeeves

Pay for plastic surgery for him?

Your children have half his genes,would you like them to be treated like this if they age badly?

You feel what you feel but how you act says a lot about the type of person you are.

You sound awful. We all age change women more so and earlier due to pregnancy and childbirth.

Does he smoke? Does he have health problems? Could he be ill?

There’s usually a reason for such extreme premature ageing.

Ah that must secretly be a bit of a bummer for him you know.
How much does he sleep?
How much does he drink?
How many hours does he work and is his commute long?
How's his health? Could he have an underlying condition, i.e. thyroid, autoimmune disorder, etc?

Imagine if a man had posted this.....!

am a bit taken aback by this.
maybe he would be better off without you.

How am I treating him badly? I'm being honest. If someone's partner gained ten stone you are telling me you'd still find them insanely attractive? Or their teeth rotted? Or they stopped grooming?

Is he healthy? Over weight? Saggy skin can be dealt with surely? Although I’m thinking if you have an issue with him not ageing like Sean Connery then maybe you’d best split? Then get yourself counselling? Whoever you’re with (unless it’s a Sean Connery type) is going to get old and change in appearance? Surely? Does he keep fit/active?

He doesn't smoke anymore

He's worked outside for years and not really bothered with sun cream. He doesn't really use any moisturiser or skin care products

The absolute ripping you'd get if you were a bloke posting about his wife. Christ.