Can’t find a man to date who is as intelligent or as knowledgeable overall as me

[TreeGreenSpade]

I know intelligence comes in many forms and can’t really be measured.

But what I mean is I am always going on dates with people who aren’t as educated as me (again I know that an education doesn’t mean you’re intelligent!), or don’t have a grip of finances or financial planning, they don’t know much about the world generally or don’t have an interest in discussing the world... or they haven’t experienced as much as me so topics are limited a little.

Or if they do have any of the above, it doesn’t seem to match me. I feel bored within an hour or so.

Has anyone else experienced this? Is this something I need to accept if I want to find a relationship?

You’re not dating the right people!

My husband is educated to a higher level than me (my undergrad to his 2 masters).

He’s financially stable and very much capable of holding his own conversation wise on current affairs and world events.

You just haven’t found the right person yet.

How are you meeting these men? Also, don’t mean to offend, but often men who are educated, intelligent and wealthy often look for women who are all of this plus either gorgeous / well groomed / have a great sense of humour / fun to be around. Do if you fail in the last bit you may struggle

I meet them online.

I’m educated and apparently intelligent (perhaps not for me to judge)... I’d say I have a sense of humour for sure but again can’t really comment on being gorgeous! I definitely don’t find it hard to get dates or have men be interested in me. But...I wouldn’t call myself gorgeous?! As for being financially stable, I’m pretty independent with a good job.

The thing is whilst an attractive man is great, I go for intellect far more. I can’t say I’ve noticed a correlation between educated men and good looks to be honest...

I dated someone like this and he played golf (a lot) at a very expensive club. Have you tried golf? Though you may end up a golf widow, which is a whole new problem. Sailing? The successful business leaders I know tend to be into cycling and running.

You need to join an academics or writers group

It’s not really a business leader I want...just someone who challenges me intellectually. I feel like every man I meet its me teaching them something, with them not giving anything back knowledge wise

I feel your pain. I experienced something similar but it was more about career goals.

I think try to meet people through interest groups or courses.

Give them a bit of slack. Not everyone is interested in everything.

Interested that someone said it out loud.

No advice on where to find him - but wait until you do. Don't settle. I had a long term bf that wasn't as clever as me. In the end I lost respect for him. He had amazing qualities - was kind, generous, laid back, loyal etc etc etc but he just didn't interest me.

Then, through work, I met my husband. He is cleverer than me in so many ways......but not too many that I don't have some things I know more about. We are equals. It's an attractive quality in a man.

its me teaching him something

In that first hour before they bore you? That sounds a bit much. Most people might just want to see if there’s a spark and maybe have a laugh on the first date.

You were born in the wrong millenium

You missed out on dating Plato. Bummer.

I’m able to have a laugh while being challenged in this way.

I guess that’s the problem though, it’s such a big thing for me and perhaps isn’t for others so they don’t show it early on? Im not sure

I'd definitely keep trying. Maybe tweak your dating profile/s? Don't swipe on men without intelligent/interesting/unique profiles themselves.

As you say, intelligence is subjective, so perhaps widen your scope and think about what you really want in a partner. I'm dating someone who isn't the best at spelling, so text-based comms are sometimes amusingly confusing, but he's keenly driven to understand the world, he keeps up in current events, that type of thing. I am much more liberal arts compared to his hard sciences, but it works. We learn from each other and have cracking political debates. He's also kind, thoughtful and funny.

If I had a shopping list of what I wanted, he wouldn't quite fit the bill. Turns out my expectations were unrealistic/skewed.

Back a long time ago when I still used dating sites, OKCupid had questions you could answer and then require a specific answer from your matches.

Several of the questions were general knowledge questions: "What does 'wherefore' mean in "Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou Romeo?" "Which is bigger, the sun or the earth?" Really stupid, easy questions.

I found that answering all of those and making correct answers mandatory improved the dating pool immensely. My next match became my husband, and he is an intellectual with a graduate education in law who almost pursued a Ph.D. in philosophy (but we'd like to not be drowning in debt forever thanks).

mumdiva that’s it really, not wanting someone the same as me (that would defeat the point!) but someone who is equally as interested in things, even if they’re different things

Few people are as intelligent as me. It's a curse because actually if I want a shag then I have to spend time with a thickie.

Meet them somewhere else. Take a night class in political science, 17th century French poetry or something.

If you’re dating online, then it’s easy. You weed out the ones who can’t put together emails. Text speak and bad grammar- don’t bother. Can’t express himself via writing? Not the guy you’re looking to meet.

Not that there’s anything wrong with men who don’t meet the above, but they appear to be wrong for you.

Totally feel your pain. My friends and I are all intelligent and funny, I just assumed that men are equally intelligent. But I nevef met many really bright ones. DP is intelligent in his own way but we've never really had the kind of intelligent conversations that flow so naturally with my friends.

It's got nothing to do with wanting to meet Plato. It's wanting to be with an equal.

Fgs, the rude replies are ridiculous. What is wrong with being attracted to intelligence? Enjoying deep conversation with a prospective partner? I've dated perfectly nice men that don't have the same interests as me, why should I feel bad about not being attracted to them?

Maybe something like Sheldon on TBBT, where he set up a range of intellectual puzzles with the prize being a date with him.

Yes not sure what the Plato comment was about!

I seem to meet intelligent women all the time but the men I’ve dated just don’t seem to be on the same wavelength... in any way really.

Maybe I should have said I’m looking for someone with a huge cock and can’t seem to find it.