Can’t find a man to date who is as intelligent or as knowledgeable overall as me

[TreeGreenSpade]

I know intelligence comes in many forms and can’t really be measured.

But what I mean is I am always going on dates with people who aren’t as educated as me (again I know that an education doesn’t mean you’re intelligent!), or don’t have a grip of finances or financial planning, they don’t know much about the world generally or don’t have an interest in discussing the world... or they haven’t experienced as much as me so topics are limited a little.

Or if they do have any of the above, it doesn’t seem to match me. I feel bored within an hour or so.

Has anyone else experienced this? Is this something I need to accept if I want to find a relationship?

Why is it that many men who are intelligent, educated, witty, interested and aware, good talkers and good listeners, stimulating, charming, financially literate, with big cocks, don't seem to be hanging around, single, spare, and looking?

What woman would ever describe what she wants like that? The OP may be a bit off/struggling, but she hasn't yet stooped to that classic 'pathetic bloke' thing of including a 'big cock' (read: small but he has delusions of grandeur) in her list.

I get what you're saying OP and I look for the same thing.

It's good to set your bar high. But you have to accept that as a result, you're gonna meet less men who have what you're looking for. That's fine though, right? Nothing worse than settling!

(And I've got a horrible feeling you thought that was a witty and urbane post.)

I get you OP. I have a partner who meets me on many levels and I never feel that he doesn't get me intellectually. He always has an interesting perspective on anything we talk about (even if I don't agree).

We also happen to have had a similar upbringing (in some ways), and have incredibly compatible music taste, style and sense of humour. I always look forward to spending time with him and we never run out of things to talk about.

He can be annoying and selfish and not great with everyday support though.

I’d love to know how your dates felt about you as a date!

I work with some one who is ‘super intelligent’ - he likes to ‘educate me’. If I ask him what the time is he will tell me how the clock is made. Lovely bloke but exhausting.

By the way I’m surprised your in online dating ...most people with any intelligence avoid it like the plague ..

The real question is why you keep going on dates with men who are a bit thick.

No you don’t have to settle, you just need to be more picky about who you date.

I’ve dated men who weren’t particularly cultured and we weren’t compatible, I just found them boring. My DH is annoyingly stupid in some ways but in other areas he knows more than me. That’s one of the things that attracted me to him, because I admired his knowledge and skills.

You can’t expect someone to know exactly the same stuff as you do or have exactly the same interests, but it is reasonable to expect to be challenged and engaged, to take an interest in each other and to have a stimulating conversation which isn’t just a one way street of you imparting knowledge and getting nothing back. I disagree that you’re looking for education and intelligence though - lots of very dull people are educated. The traits you’re looking for are better described as being cultured and having an inquiring mind.

Nothing at all wrong with wanting someone sparky. Half a lifetime or more is a really long time to spend in a conversational vacuum.

I don't understand at all why you're getting a pasting.

I don't understand at all why you're getting a pasting.

It’s just the way she phrased it. I knew there’d be trouble.

If she’s expressed herself differently she would have different responses.

I hear you, OP.

I don't know what else to say because so many people seem to think that you wanting someone on the same wavelength in a thinking and expressing yourself kind of way is tantamount to saying most men are beneath you and that you think you're an intellectual titan towering above the lesser mortals...

Hang around backstage when they film University Challenge.

I tried all sorts of methods to meet an intellectual woman and the only one that I would recommend is learning (or improving) another language. That could help if you live in an area where there are group classes and/or language exchanges. If you can't afford classes or prefer to learn alone then just participate in language exchanges, social events etc. Obviously you'll meet all sorts of people but learning another language, particularly to an advanced level, does seem to attract intelligent types.

Is this a joke that it's only not me on?

Would love to read this with genders changed. The last person I heard express this view was an arse of the highest order.

Hang around tech industries!

Yeah, but... some of them are single for a reason.

(They probably think the same about me.)

I totally get needing to be with someone who at least has a similar level of curiosity about the world, and that you don't have to explain every word you use. But I am eternally single, so what do I know?

I have never met anyone doing language classes, and I have been going to classes in one of three languages through most of my adult life. OTOH, last boyfriend was German, so you can expand the pool that way.

I've a degree and an MA my partner is an engineer through the apprentice route. He's more intelligent than me, wittier, more pragmatic, more organised and more creative. Don't look at the descriptions on OLD, meet the people behind the words and keep an open mind.

Intelligence takes so many forms, OP. And surely it's not the intelligence on its own that you find attractive, but rather how it informs how he lives and directs his energy in the world?
Clearing, that sounds like my DP, one of the sharpest wits I have ever met, most widely read (and travelled), unbelievable memory, encyclopedic knowledge of specialist interests, highly competent in his field which requires a complex skills set; rough as background, no formal post 16 education to speak of and an often infuriating anti-intellect outlook, reminding me of Will Hunting! But warm, funny and engaged/ing.

First dates are hard, I worked with a dating coach who said you need to give it three dates UNLESS YOU REALLY CANNOT BEAR TO. Some truth there maybe.

So you want someone curious about the world, generally knowledgeable/worldly. You don't mind whether that knowledge comes from education or experience. Someone probably with their own mortgage (you mention understanding financial planning).

Some that do match this don't have the click with you.

Seems like pretty standard dating fare to be honest.

You just have to keep going until you find the right person.

Where are you looking? Forget Tinder, try something like Telegraph Dating. I second things like golf.

The cycling suggestion made me laugh. I took up cycling partly for this reason, but I was in the slow group so spent most of the time looking at old men's cracks in Lycra shorts.

You need to be able to feel comfortable with someone who can give you what you need, rather than what you think you want. The MBTI is really helpful, try it!

I completely understand, OP. I'd much rather be single than with someone who bores me.

Current partner is very smart, very funny, and very interesting. If he wasn't those things, it would be a deal breaker for me.

I have to laugh at these threads as on the many threads where women are dating some cocklodging, shower dodging, twat everyone will shout raise your bar, your self esteem is in the gutter!

Then on this thread, where the OP expresses a preference, she gets told how unappealing and wrong it is to want someone intelligent or maks a certain income.

Or they will say I want someone with good character and kind rather than wealthy, as if those 2 things can't exist together.

Poor and twat definitely exist together!

If you're a super smart educated women, I believe it is harder to find someone on the same level who actually is ok having a women at their level or above. Not saying it can't be done.

At work, it's genius level. Patents. Phds and there is such joy when we sit around and discuss things or whiteboarding out problems and solutions. I've had a few crushes and there have been a few to have crushes on me, but have never dated anyone from work as I didn't want to ruin the magic if that makes any sense.

I'd love to have one of my own to keep. Maybe a retired professor in my field one day.

Anyway OP, don't give up. Take a little time getting to know your potential dates to see if they have that brainy something you're looking for.

I prefer intelligent men. I’ve also found that the smartest men tend to not necessarily be the most outgoing. They are often introverts who take some time to get to know you before opening up. That wasn’t a problem for me because I am also an intelligent introvert who takes time to open up to a person. I would consider that you may be deciding too quickly and need to spend more time getting to know these men.

You've nailed it RantyAnty. These threads are hilarious.

Mumsnet: don't settle for a wankbadger, know your worth! It's better to be single than in a mismatched relationship.

Also Mumsnet: You want to meet someone intelligent? Christ how smug are you?

True.There is always somebody to put you in your place on mn. The race to be the most supercilious!