Can’t find a man to date who is as intelligent or as knowledgeable overall as me

[TreeGreenSpade]

I know intelligence comes in many forms and can’t really be measured.

But what I mean is I am always going on dates with people who aren’t as educated as me (again I know that an education doesn’t mean you’re intelligent!), or don’t have a grip of finances or financial planning, they don’t know much about the world generally or don’t have an interest in discussing the world... or they haven’t experienced as much as me so topics are limited a little.

Or if they do have any of the above, it doesn’t seem to match me. I feel bored within an hour or so.

Has anyone else experienced this? Is this something I need to accept if I want to find a relationship?

I totally understand, OP. For me, intelligence and a lively intellect aren't just desirable qualities in a partner, they are essential. I would much rather be single than have a partner without them. That doesn't mean there aren't other qualities which are also essential or important. When it comes to choosing a partner, I'd much rather be too picky than not picky enough.

Genuinely op my dm had the same issue when she reentered the dating scene in her 60’s. She wanted someone bright, quick witted, clever, keen, on the ball, career orientated etc etc. She found them BUT the men in their 60’s wanted to date women in their late 40’s early 50’s. The suitable men who wanted to date a woman in her 60’s were inevitably in their 70’s + and not at the same stage as she was. She realised she had been married to someone 10 years her senior for a reason and remained single. (Widowed)

I’m not saying you have to give up but you are probably looking for a unicorn. I didn’t go the same way, I’m far more educated and ambitious than dh on paper but bugger me if he doesn’t open my eyes every day.

Lazy and Flashing, loved your posts. Hold out OP for what you want, even if you can’t articulate it. Of course you have to keep your mind open- the downside of this i find is - I’m afraid - meeting awful people :-/.! Online etc .... Grimaces . But if you can meet the real McCoy in the real world or online if no other options , just be assertive, gentle and true to yourself.

I get you. And I don't think emotional intelligence is incompatible with general intellectual ability.

I meet loads of nice people who don't care about politics, don't get education/literature cultural references, and they are friends, but I couldn't be married to them.

It's boring to have thoughts you can't express because they will be met with blank faces or an off tangent answer.

And Plato was not a looker so he's out.

I think a lot of people are still instinctively uncomfortable with the idea of women being choosy rather than being grateful for male attention. Because the world is still set up on the basis that men need/want women to look after them, but have had to convince women that they 'need' men when we don't, really.

Sorry to be clear, I was offering an explanation for the phenomenon rather than saying give up.

Yes you’re looking for a unicorn but actually so is everyone. I don’t know what age op is but my mums situation has really opened my eyes as To the situation for older single ladies.

people who aren’t as educated as me. Your education didn't stretch to grammar, then?

What do you think it should be Nicola?

Yes Dangerclose you are probably right about that!

I’m mid 30s for those asking

Noeuf it should be 'as educated as I (am). The verb 'to be' starts with 'I am, you are, he is,' etc. Therefore the word 'I' is logically followed by 'am.'.
For example, if you finish the sentence logically, it would read 'As educated as me am,' which is obviously wrong. Jane Austen gently pokes fun at Catherine Moreland in 'Northanger Abbey' when she says that her friend is 'as well educated as me.'

Nicolathankyou im always interested in language and how it is used/evolves. Glad you didn't say 'myself'

So even back then, it was colloquial

Snippily correcting grammar is always arsey. Particularly when it’s current idiom. Even more so when trying to imply, in a passive aggressive way that you don’t have the balls to articulate overtly, that ‘you’re not as clever as you think you are.’

I see where you are coming from OP, but I wonder if in the nicest possible way you are taking yourself a bit too seriously? My Son has an MSC and while he likes to debate Topics of the Day ,Meaning of life ,Travelling and so on, is also quite happy to talk about South Park(Ugh hate that programme Sorry DS!) Football (feelings about the same for me!) and his Car .Enough about my feelings as well! Maybe have a little small talk at first and some light conversation . I like Debates, but many men seem to want a bit of a laugh and some fun with their GF nothing too heavy (well not Brexit/Boris anyway!)

Anyway, even a real idiot could say "I want to date some person so clever as me am" and it was still be valid!

Hello. Perhaps it's related to education perhaps not. I felt the same about dates, not necessarily educationally, but certainly wavelength wise. I don't know if bad dates were ever directly linked to education.

I have a master's. My husband didn't pass any GCSEs, but my word can we talk :)

So perhaps try what I did and consider dating different types of men in some ways, because I would certainly have missed out on the best husband ever had I vetted his CV

I think a lot of people are still instinctively uncomfortable with the idea of women being choosy rather than being grateful for male attention.

Good point. The relationships board is littered with women who could have done with being a bit more choosy. Hard to shake off the tendency to make allowances for men and tolerate the attentions of those who don't merit your attention if that's how you've been trained though, I guess.

people who aren’t as educated as me. Your education didn't stretch to grammar, then?

Or maybe she just didn't want to sound like a pompous ass. There's speaking correct English and there's deliberately speaking in an old-fashioned way which is at odds with current usage.

Sniping at people over their grammar is always rude, but criticising someone for using idiomatically correct language on an informal chat forum is rude and laughable.

Besides, the OP has pointed out repeatedly that she is not talking about a lack of education in potential partners.

You need to give it more time and also consider the ones who seem a bit boring at first. The immediately noisy clever ones are usually insufferable after a bit. The quiet clever ones who are also kind but might not exactly set the chat room on fire are probably where you are at.

Oh and PLATO'S URBANE COCK would be a great name for a new hispter caff

🤣

It’s fine to have this as a set criteria keep looking. It might take a while so if you’re not in a rush to find someone, hold out.

Hold out for the urbane cock OP.

Have you tried the Guardian newspaper dating site? Yes, the paper editorially leans liberal left but it has an online readership of millions, so the audience is a pretty broad church politically. Would certainly be more educated/well travelled user base than average man on the street.