Can’t find a man to date who is as intelligent or as knowledgeable overall as me

[TreeGreenSpade]

I know intelligence comes in many forms and can’t really be measured.

But what I mean is I am always going on dates with people who aren’t as educated as me (again I know that an education doesn’t mean you’re intelligent!), or don’t have a grip of finances or financial planning, they don’t know much about the world generally or don’t have an interest in discussing the world... or they haven’t experienced as much as me so topics are limited a little.

Or if they do have any of the above, it doesn’t seem to match me. I feel bored within an hour or so.

Has anyone else experienced this? Is this something I need to accept if I want to find a relationship?

Your opening question to prospective dates should be “tell me about the last book you read?”. His response should be enough to filter out the dullards.

There is nothing more boring and frustrating than constantly being 3 steps ahead of a boyfriend or partner etc. It weighs you down in the end, and inevitably decision making becomes your responsibility.
I always rate intelligence, wit and charisma way above looks etc.

There's a word for this. You're a sapiosexual.
There, would you date me now?

Some of the men online who describe themselves as sapiosexual are anything but!

Ha ha, I haven't actually used the term or searched for people who use it, I admit.
Intelligence used to be the main thing I looked for in a partner. Unfortunately it's really dificult to find a man who is intelligent and doesn't think he's better than you as a result.

I got some therapy and changed my criteria.

I met someone once who introduced themselves 'Hello I'm Natalie and I'm good at everything' hello Natalie

I've got a degree. And an HNC, goddammit. And I probably couldn't intelligently debate myself out of a wet paper bag.

Anyway I've seen several people describe themselves as sapiophiles on OLD recently. The fact I had to look it up probably disqualified myself as potential date fodder

Meow I think more likely it disqualifies you as a pretentious twat. 😁

I think it’s probably more of a “not finding it easy to meet men who are vaguely middle class and normalish and single in your mid 30’s”.

Easy if you’re at uni or live in a big city or work for a big social employer, but not so easy after!

Even (especially?) if you’re attractive I think most normalish mixed social groups don’t really like having new single women entering.

An eligible single guy in his 30s has lots of women inviting him to dinner parties (even if they’re partnered up) but an eligible single woman will often be ostracised by other women . It’s all very Jane Austen-esque!

Most “general open access ways” to meet people will have 99% women like you and about two creepy weird blokes who are kind of desperate and who you won’t have much in common with

Like pps have said try paid specialist dating sites( rather than the big ones) aimed at busy professionals (eharmony worked for a doctor I know, or guardian soulmates?). Consider the £30 a month an investment.

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YellowBup

An eligible single guy in his 30s has lots of women inviting him to dinner parties

Not in my case. Thought I think at least some of them had decided (wrongly) that I was firmly in the closet.

When people use sapiophile or sapiosexual, it tends to mean their intellect is capped around the level of following Susie Dent's Twitter account.

There will be a word for preferring near enough any trait, but people don't use them, because it's pretentious and unnecessary. 'Sapio' is shorthand for this bizarre contemporary obsession with finding a label for everything, and is generally a signal of someone trying to sound intelligent contrary to the reality of the situation.

Also disappointing to see the 'poor = twat' comment a few pages back not receive the scorn it deserves.

I think this is one of the big problems with internet dating - you can't really tell anything about the person you're meeting up with before you meet them. For all you know the photo is of someone else, the age is wrong, they're lying about being single, and you can write whatever the hell you want on your profile and it could easily be a load of bollocks.

OP I recommend you try and and meet more people IRL. If you don't have kids and are free in the evenings and at weekends to do things FGS go and join some things where you might meet intelligent, witty and interesting men. I totally get what you mean about it not necessarily being about education, it's more about background, sense of humour, quick-wittedness, etc than X degree from Y institution. Personally, I'd join a running or cycling group (both full of middle-aged men), or join a gym where people do weights, boxing, that kind of thing. Generally the kind of classes and activities that immediately appeal to the female mind are stuffed full of women, so think carefully about where you might find the kind of men you're interested in. And keep being choosy - you don't have to settle for Mr Dull.

It sounds like you just haven't met the right person yet

The right person, you should be able to chat about anything on a long car journey or whilst traveling for eg a month/year

Also be comfortable during times of silence

I like to read all sorts of books & internet
My partner doesn't read fiction books, but enjoys ' how to make or do things' on YouTube & non fiction
We enjoy some of the same hobbies & some different ones

As a bookish person, I do yearn for a bookish partner. (Even if the relationship was a disaster, I'd get access to his bookshelves....) It would be nice to connect on that level. It's the same as if I was very musical (I'm not remotely), it would be lovely to bond over our shared love of Mahler or whatever.

The correct English is "as well educated as I am". Does this make me appear intelligent or merely snarky?

Can you hold a tune OP?? IF so... choir. Preferably one connected to a country where men sing proudly: South African; mixed welsh choir; Bulgarian, Russian, NZ, etc.

a mixed-sex book group that isn't an excuse for proseccoboak ....

Others are right though. As soon as you stop looking then you will find your maybe partner.

Try to narrow down your criteria.

When I was online dating I basically searched for a decent earner who had at the very least an undergrad degree as I was looking for someone financially stable with a decent level of intelligence.

Financial stability was important as in the past I had dated a couple of extremely gifted academics who quite frankly struggled to tie their shoe laces and were on a completely different wavelength to me lol..so having a good income proved to me that any potentials could hold down a job and deal with practical every day matters.

I have never been into pretentious guys. Describing themselves as cultured or well read was a big no no for me. I have always found that most intelligent people are well read and into everything by default, so I've never seen the need for people to openly state this in dating profiles.

I'm not super bright but I do have an IQ in the gifted range,a first class hons and a relatively good job.

Looking back I would probably scrap the degree criteria from my dating search and just keep the income bit. I've since met loads of super bright, financially stable and successful people who don't have a degree.