Friend doesn’t think I will meet someone if

[Indigogoesblue]

...I want someone who matches my salary and stability.

I’m 33 and I earn 55k, have my own house for last 6 years (mortgaged!). I want someone who matches this. She tells me it’s unreasonable because most people aren’t in this position at this age. Is she right and are my expectations way off?

I feel the same @treesthemovie, I literally don't know anyone in their early or mid 30s earning anywhere like £55k. Just into the higher rate tax band maybe, but nowhere near £55k. My DH has progressed well at a FTSE 100 company and earns about £40k all told and we feel like that is a realĺy good amount (incidentally he was unemployed when we met 12 years ago).

I know a doctor who is nearly 30 and she's pleased to be on about £35k, because F1s and F2s are pretty low paid so it seems like a good wage in comparison now she's finished her training. However, I found research that shows doctors under 45 are on a mean wage of £79k so perhaps it climbs very quickly once you've been qualified a few years.

Mumsnet is definitely a weird demographic; I've posted before about our house which is a perfectly fine 1100 sq ft

4 bed detached but there are people saying they "wouldn't entertain less than 2000 sq ft"

@Jane1978xx sounds like you've done 20 years of work after completing uni so Im assuming you're older than 33? Which is kind of the points PPs are making - if OP wants a similarly-aged partner then needing £55k in early 30s is not taking into account career potential. Some will have only got 4 or 5 years relevant work experience if they've studied, for example, to PhD level and had a gap year at 19.

@DCIRozHuntley. Yes I’m
41 and my friends are around the same age. And early 30s I was on a lot less. So yes I see the point

There are plenty of single men out there who are high earners and are looking for women who are in a similar position, as most women in their 30s have been married and got kids and most single blokes without kids are not looking for that, they would much prefer someone who has built up their career and finances like they have and have a goal at the end, you may be able to financially retire at 50 and plan to but if you meet someone who is not in that position, then there will be alot of resentment many years down the line if you give up work and they are still working full time, or you have to stay in work full time to support them, if your both starting out in life in your 20s then fair enough neither of you will have much, but come your 30s if you have been sensible and got some wealth and for what ever reason someone else has not I would not see that as being very fair and would likely cause some financial incompatibility

there are people saying they "wouldn't entertain less than 2000 sq ft

Some will be legit, but there do seem to be a few odballs and fantasists poking about the boards. Some will be running about with name changes, talking to each other. Pinch of salt etc.

@Jane1978xx I believe you, but the vast majority of people aren't on wages that high, yet on Mumsnet everyone and their dog is a "high flyer" in a senior position earning loads, is what I was meaning to point out.

If I asked anyone I know in real life, even the people on higher wages, if it was reasonable to reject men based on them earning less than 55k a year they'd laugh me out the fucking door.

The right one, is the one that makes you feel good about yourself.

Totally reasonable expectations, I think its normal and sensible to look for an equal.

"Totally reasonable expectations, I think its normal and sensible to look for an equal."

But weird to reject someone as unequal because they earn just £5k less.

And hypocritical too, unless you're happy to be rejected yourself by someone earning just a few grand more than you.

I have a niece aged 34yrs on the same salary as you and she has been single all her adult life.

She's 34. So 14/16 years then.

(I'd also argue few people are mature enough to get into good, lasting relationships under 25 too, so that 9 years. How about we give her a few more yrs before writing her off as life long spinster).

Incidentally she shouldn't lead with that, she'd need to learn some discretion. Otherwise there's nothing wrong with wanting a matching salary earner/career level).

Salaries vary quite a bit all over the UK. SW obviously highest.

Hahaha, I think you mean London/SE... 😂

You do you, OP, and given you’ve obviously met some absolute charmers I can sort of get your thinking. But you may miss out on a partner who has great qualities, who has a good work ethic but who also loves you and who you can relax and be yourself with. And you may narrow your dating pool to nothing at all.

As others have said, too, how would you feel if a guy on £100k wrote you off purely on your salary?

I earn a lot more than my husband, but it matters not a bit. Massive cliche, but you can’t buy love.

There's other important factors rather than salary to consider in a partner. That said, you don't want a cock lodger.

BTW 33 isn't young. 20/30 years ago most people of that age had 2 kids by now. If that's on the agenda I wouldn't be hanging about.

Op I think you're being extremely short sighted here. Yes chose a partner with a good work ethic and who has career aspirations but not everyone reaches that same point at the same time. I'm 36 and when I was 32 I earnt less than half what I do now, worked more (only 4 days now) and I now only work term time to fit around school holidays. I earn circa 60k now but could earn more than 80k if I wanted and I've only been qualified less than a year. What I'm saying is you would have written me off at your age but I could potentially be earning the same or more than you at a similar age. I did do a phd which I always aspired to do, but needed to do a masters first, and I got married and had a child so wasn't just sitting idle.

Don't write someone off just based on salary. It may make you lonely in the long run.