Friend doesn’t think I will meet someone if

[Indigogoesblue]

...I want someone who matches my salary and stability.

I’m 33 and I earn 55k, have my own house for last 6 years (mortgaged!). I want someone who matches this. She tells me it’s unreasonable because most people aren’t in this position at this age. Is she right and are my expectations way off?

Personally I was v glad to have married a non-shift- worker with no regular overseas commitments as organising childcare/house deliveries/maintenance was a lot easier around my rotas.

If u have kids the problem would not be your birthday/anniversary etc but theirs and their matches, plays, Dentist appts, parents evenings to timetable.

I have a niece aged 34yrs on the same salary as you and she has been single all her adult life.
The reason she gives is she wants someone as successful as her and she leads with this when dating. She says men are intimidated by her success but I think maybe she just comes across as shallow, materialistic and a bit self-centred (my money is mine, I work hard, I’m not keeping you) Maybe it’s a turn off, I don’t know.

I personally think if that’s really important to you then there’s absolutely nothing wrong with going after what you want.

I am on a six figure salary but I have only recently landed this job.
Most of my colleagues and clients earn this sort of figure too.
Do you mix with people on similar salaries through work?

Do you want drive and ethics? I work in one of the best secondary schools in the country (we serve a disadvantaged community and get kids great results). My school is full of driven, ethical, funny great people who have succeeded academically. Few of us earn over 40k. Oh... I know a lot of cool NHS professionals too... I totally understand none of us would match up to your definition of success. I think we'll cope 😂😂

If her friends say that they must know her and her actual list, comments she made etc to know shes making it too hard to meet someone.. they will know more than a poster seeing random words on a screen some 10 thousands miles away!

I just think there are actually more on ops list like certain hieght, body, race, sporty, musical insttument playet, this that etc .

I thought doctors marry doctors.. or nurses?

The majority of men, I've found, are less bothered about a woman's salary. They might want someone with drive/ambition but most wont care about the salary. They will take attractiveness/looks over this and they'll be looking at a younger pool too.

Also plenty of men in their mid-late thirties will now be coupled up, especially if they are looking for relationships and want children.

Why don't you look for someone with drive and ambition and a solid career, rather than the salary figure? I can't believe you would rule out someone on the basis of them earning say £45k instead of £55k if they had everything else you were looking for?

I thought doctors marry doctors.. or nurses?

OP will definitely not be marrying a nurse.

I think if I was a high-earner I would be attuned to the casual questions designed to establish my salary during a date, and would run a mile from anyone who thought that my salary was the most important thing about me.

I've always assumed high earners got there with blood sweat and tears. So if I'm correct then you work very hard most of the time.
Wanting someone who is equally driven is a great idea because time is likely to be precious for both of you and you'd make the post of it.
But also, time is likely to be few and far between and a busy work commitment from both of you would mean less time to spend with each other.
Hence why I've always been put off by high earners.

I am on a similar wage and I wouldn’t date someone on significantly less. Because I’ve been there and done that and been treated like a mug.

I think it’s a bit unrealistic to make it so precise on the details. However, sensible with money, successful in his field, has drive/ambition and has achieved some long-term financial security would be fine.

It's much better the main criteria being you fancy them and they are a good shag, which so many on here who end up in bad relationships seem to have done, and realising 5 years later with several DC, is that is all he had to offer.

Sounds like you're looking less for romance / soul mates / good sex / common interests / sense of humour / trust / integrity / shared values... and more of a business partner you can call your bf.

Good luck in your search. Just remember the small print... careers / money can go down as well as up. If you do meet mr right but his career earnings then accelerate quicker than yours... I guess you'll be fine with being dropped at the drop of a hat so he can then go on to meet someone on his new level as you'll be of little interest to him now that you can't keep up... worth thinking about eh?

I get this. It's less about wage and more about ambition and what a man strives for in life. I earn a similar amount as the op and am pretty much attracted to alphas, which is a shame as the last few (wealthy and successful) men I've dated have been master narcissists. I am now with someone who doesn't earn quite the same but has the ambition and drive for it- that's the attraction.

"Come on now, £55k is not a high salary, even here in bonny Scotland where according to Mumsnet everyone earns 10p and every property costs 20p. It's a good professional salary for someone in their early 30s but I don't think you can say more than that."

I don't know where you are in Scotland but as someone who lives a stone's throw from Glasgow (aka Scotland's biggest city) I don't know anyone within touching distance of £55. I suppose we're all just lazy fuckers lacking ambition.

£55k even before anyone points it out.

I don’t get this- surely you’d be looking for someone with similar values, a personality you like and also attraction between both of you.
As someone else pointed out, what if they were on a high salary then became eg long term ill or were made redundant?
It seems so unromantic to base a partner on the amount they earn.

All those saying what if the other person falls on hard times are kind of missing the point, at that stage they would be in a committed relationship and OP would know they are not in it for the take.

OP said i'it would be a problem' if they were earning even £5k less than her, but I doubt someone earning £50k and just a measly £5k less than her would be in it for the take.

She's focusing on the wrong things. A good work ethic, successful career trajectory, having an understanding of OP's long working hours - all fine, sensible and understandable. Bring repelled by someone earning £5k less - bonkers. As bonkers as someone rejecting op because he earns £60k.

I can see it's been mentioned upthread but you're basically ruling out anyone who works in the public sector unless you go for someone 10 years older than you.

I live in the East Midlands and have friends who are fairly senior teachers, town planners, NHS professionals but also, actually, those in the private sector (accountants, engineers and IT bods) and I don't think anyone is on 55k at 33.

There’s nothing wrong with having standards.

A partner losing a job later on is very different than having no ambition from the start or not believing costs should be shared etc.

I’ve seem plenty of posts from women saying their partners salary was a main factor for them as they wanted to not work etc but the OP just wants an equal. I think that’s definitely something to look for in a partner.

Standards and specific salary requests are extremely different things

But @IceCreamAndCandyfloss unless you think that people are worth more when they earn more, can't men she dates be her "equal" without the high salary?

Regardless, anyone is entitled to look for whatever they want, if OP want a man with a salary that exactly matches hers (I'm guessing she'd be ok with a man that earns more, although that seems a bit hypocritical) then that's fine. However, it is hugely limiting as the vast majority of people don't earn that kind of money. Despite half the people on this site having six figure salaries

I know this is slightly off topic, but I'm curious...so many people on here say that they earn six figures, or at least around 50k or 80k. When that is really unusual in real life. Is that to do with the demographic Mumsnet attracts, are people more likely to mention what they earn if it's loads, or is there a bit of fantasising going on?

@treesthemovie. I earn about 50k as do a a lot of my friends. More to do with us having senior jobs rather than just high paid careers. I’ve paid myself thru uni worked for 20 years and put myself thru a post grad degree