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Original poster

Partner can't come to 20 week scan.

288 replies

Terri123456 · 03/11/2019 19:40

So, I don't know if I'm over reacting. My partner said to me his friend can get him 2 free tickets for him and his son (from a previous relationship) to a theme park on the day of my 20 week scan. I said to him that's great but what about my scan. He can't get anyone to look after his son anyway so he would have to wait outside as the hospital have a strict policy on not allowing children into the ultrasound. I was more than happy for him to wait outside. Anyway, he was umming and arrring about the whole thing so I said to him ok well why don't you go the theme park and I'll just go on my own. I expected him to respond saying no I want to be there for you even if I wait outside. But he never. He was like well if you're sure? I was shocked because it wasn't the response I expected. This is my first pregnancy. I'm also rhesus negative which has freaked me right out. I worry that if I'm on my own and god forbid there is something wrong I'm not going to be able to cope. My partner keeps saying it will be fine. I'm sure it will be but I really wanted him to want to be there to support me. But if he wanted to be there then he would. I feel like he's prioritised me and the baby below himself and his first son. I worry that I won't get the support I need when the baby is actually here if he is happy to miss out on a 20 week scan what else is he happy to miss out on. I now have to go to my 20 week scan alone and my family and friends all live 4 hours away. I'm so upset. I don't know how to handle it because I've made a lot of sacrifices for him and he can't find a way to go to my 20 week scan. HELP! Am i over reacting?

OP posts:
katand2kits · 03/11/2019 19:43

No you aren't over reacting.

UnicornsExist · 03/11/2019 19:44

Tell him that you are happy for him to go to the theme park but he can pay for a 3D scan a few weeks later as he will have missed the hospital scan. He might suddenly change his mind.

Bellaxx8 · 03/11/2019 19:46

Well if he couldn’t go in the room anyway He probably thinks it wouldn’t make much difference to you?

OverthinkingThis · 03/11/2019 19:46

That's not great that he doesn't seem bothered but can't you change the scan date?

TrySleepingWithABrokenHeart · 03/11/2019 19:46

Hi, I wouldn’t say you are over reacting as such. I completely understand your fears. I also went to my 20 week scan alone as my husband was working away so I can relate to a degree. I think if you really want him there you need to just tell him that. Tell him that you are too scared to go alone incase there is any bad news at the scan. If he is a loving & supportive husband, I would imagine he will respect your feelings on this and be there.

You said that he would have to wait outside during the scan. I’m wondering if he had got used to the fact he would miss the scan and thought there wouldn’t be any harm on taking up the offer of theme park tickets since he wouldn’t be in the room with you anyway?

If you don’t feel comfortable with him not being there though, you need to tell him.

Hopoindown31 · 03/11/2019 19:46

I was more than happy for him to wait outside.

I'm sure you were but is the child happy to be left alone in a busy ante-natal clinic?

It looks like he has to look after his son that day and he has a choice of giving him a fun day out (which he has already discussed with him I suspect) or getting him to sit with a load of pregnant women waiting. Which would you choose? This boy isn't going to magically disappear when your baby arrive so I suggest you get used to it or things are going to get tough.

It's a scan, seriously not the end of the world if partner can't go, can someone else be with you?

Dandelion1993 · 03/11/2019 19:48

So you want him to come and just sit outside?

If that's the case then he may as well go to the theme park as he'll miss it anyway.

PotteringAlong · 03/11/2019 19:49

But he couldn’t come anyway. So actually, does it make a difference if he goes to the theme park or not?

gamerchick · 03/11/2019 19:49

So you wanted him to go to the scan bit wait outside with his son while he has it? So you'll be going in alone anyway?

Personally I'd be telling him to go. Rh- isn't that much of a big deal worthy of freaking out over. Just get your injections.

Also, you should bait people and huff when they don't give you the answer you expect. Say what you want.

Wolfiefan · 03/11/2019 19:49

So there isn’t a single good friend or relative who could help out whilst he accompanied you to the scan? Hmm
Honestly I think he would rather go to the theme park. If he knows why they do a 20 week scan and still CBA to go then you know how high a priority this baby is for him.
Sorry but he sounds awful.

TrySleepingWithABrokenHeart · 03/11/2019 19:49

I'm sure you were but is the child happy to be left alone in a busy ante-natal clinic?

I read it that the husband would have to wait outside and watch his son, therefore missing the scan.

annienone · 03/11/2019 19:51

I think you're overreacting. You could change the date of the scan if it meant that much to you.

Also reverse psychology barely works on men. Telling him to go to the theme park to prompt him to say no is just silly. Tell him you don't want him to go in the first place.

UnmentionedElephantDildo · 03/11/2019 19:58

so I said to him ok well why don't you go the theme park and I'll just go on my own

If you did not mean that, you should never have said it. I can't really fault him for believing you mean what you say.

If your DSS now knows about trip, you have to go alone or try to change the date.

And learn ask for what you want/need, and stop expecting clairvoyance from others.

Original poster
Terri123456 · 03/11/2019 20:00

I tried to change the date weeks ago but the hospital wouldn't budge. They said it's that or nothing. So I can't win really.

OP posts:
Ibizafun · 03/11/2019 20:02

Very poor show from your dp. If he genuinely can’t find anyone to look after his son than he should be asking you if you don’t mind changing the date. I would be apoplectic.

Ibizafun · 03/11/2019 20:02

Sorry cross post

MyDcAreMarvel · 03/11/2019 20:05

Of course hospital will change scan, what if you were unwell they would not never scan you.
I had bad news at my twenty week scan and would never go alone.

codenameduchess · 03/11/2019 20:06

It's not the end of the world, his son will still be there and be a priority after baby comes so you'll need to accept that you and this baby aren't his only priority.

Book a private scan so your dp and his son can be there

Waxonwaxoff0 · 03/11/2019 20:06

My ex didn't go to my 20 week scan as he couldn't get the time off work. Didn't bother me really, I went on my own. It's just a scan, surely you must know he's a good dad if you can see how he interacts with his son from his past relationship so why would you be worried on that front?

Ideasarehappeninghere · 03/11/2019 20:09

Mine couldn’t come to all the scan because of work. Just tell him the time of the scan and make sure he keeps his phone on. So you can text or phone him while your waiting or if there concerning news.

greeentopmilk · 03/11/2019 20:10

Rh negative is absolutely not something to be wound up over. Have the injections and make sure you get checked out if you any falls or bumps. That's it.

Yabu to be so wound up about it. Either change the scan date, or accept he needs to look after his son. It's not great but it's not like he's going on a bender with his mates.

RichTwoTurkeyFriend · 03/11/2019 20:10

Hmmm. It would be nice for him to be there but he wasn’t able to be anyway because he has to look after his son. This is the situation for a lot of parents who have a second child.
Rhesus is really nothing to get worked up about these days - have your injections and you’ll both be fine.

PennysPocket · 03/11/2019 20:12

If it was the birth then yeah I would be furious however it's a scan which he cannot attend anyway so what difference does it really make?

Also the poster who would be apocalyptic... Hmm

TheMistressQuickly · 03/11/2019 20:13

I think he needs to be with you. I wouldn’t be happy with this.

Winterdaysarehere · 03/11/2019 20:14

Imo you need to get used to him putting his dc first.. He is telling you how things will be op.
Some will say you knew the score before getting pregnant.
I will say not everyone gets good news at a 20 week scan ime..
Take a friend or relative but don't go alone.
Consider how you are going to move forward knowing his priorities..

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