Online date turned up looking nothing like his pictures

[Crystal1981]

So I had been talking to a 28 year-old guy for a week. He sounded lovely (honestly hadn't spoken to anyone that nice before) and he looked very cute on his pictures.

We arranged to go for a drink and he told me he would be outside a café in a blue coat and black jeans.

I got there early so hovered around. I saw an older grey haired man waiting outside but couldn't see him. He then texted again saying he was under an umbrella and I realised that older man WAS him.

Now I know people can use pictures that are a couple of years old and pictures can be filtered, men can add an inch or two.
But honestly not sure this was the same person.

If that guy was 28, i'm the prime minister.
He had virtually a full head of grey hair. There is nothing wrong with grey, but using only photos where you have brown hair is misleading.

He looked like a different person to his photos and much, much older.
I thought there was no point even going for a drink and getting his hopes up. I text saying I had an emergency and got straight on the bus home.

I know that was really not good what I did but neither is misleading someone.
What would others have done ? Anyone else had this experience ?

No but I would have done the same as you! I had the opposite, my fiance looked nice in his pictures but in person he was gorgeous!

I've not, but know a few men who have met women who are substantially larger than their pictures. One friend it has happened to more than once!

If you're certain the pictures were not him or years old then you did the right thing in leaving. Nothing good is going to come from such dishonesty.

What you did was entirely reasonable under the circumstances. Don't feel bad for leaving, and be glad it was raining on the lying idiot.

Seriously? How would you have felt if someone did that to you?

My BF is 34 and completely grey, he was grey in his pictures but that doesn’t mean he is an old man!

If you were meeting in a public place, could you not have gone to meet him for a drink? You never know, you might have got along great even if there was no spark?

I had the same scenario.

About 30 mins into the date, I got up & just walked off stating that I wasn't feeling well & had to go.

He text me asking what was wrong & I just told him the truth & that the photos were misleading.

You did nothing wrong OP, it's awful when you have been mislead like that.

I think that was really mean, and I hope someone does the same to you at some point.

It’s difficult - if he was genuinely different then I guess it’s fair dos. But it crap when it happens and it’s happened to me (bummer I know especially as it was an hour away!)

I do look like my pictures as well.

And yes I did feel a bit shit about doing that, but I promptly decided that my feelings trump his & I wasn't a charity case who was prepared to sit there leading him on whilst secretly squirming wanting to get away & being annoyed with him.

I would have done the same.

Well, to be fair, I am old and grey myself, so the age would not have been a dealbreaker. But the deceptiveness would.

My dh had this before he met me. The lady said she was 38, when he arrived he could see she was much older. He still has a drink with her, where she admitted she was actually 52.....

You could have still had a drink, people always use ' best' pictures, even if they are old photos. He could have been a lovely man.

Don’t even feel bad about it. He’s lied about his appearance and you went home to keep yourself safe. No one can blame you for that!

I think that was really mean of you, especially if he's a nice guy.
How old are you? Is your username your year of birth?

I think it's fair enough. I had a guy turn up once that was clearly a good few stone more outa shape than his photo. It didn't bother me much as sometimes podgy is cute so I let it slide. But then he spent the whole date talking about his ex like I was some counciling service xD so maybe best to just ditch beforehand lol.

People are saying is its mean not to adhere to some kind of date contract she'd made with a man who was significantly older than he'd said?

There is grey hair from 20s but it's not the same as when teamed with a face a decade or 2 older.

So in the case that a man lies about his age, and uses a misleading donkeys years out of date photo to get a date, the woman must honour it to be nice, others she's a bad person.

Yeah, that's a nope from me.

I assume you would all say the same to a 16yo girl when the 17yo she arranged to meet turned up and was 50. You must stay, he might be a lovely man, don't be mean.

You weren’t being unreasonable, especially if he didn’t seem to be the same man from the pictures

How would you have felt if someone did that to you?

Like a lying twat who got what I deserved for being a liar and a timewaster. What you did was fine OP.

I’ve had similar. Met up with someone who had said they were 30, and all the photos looks like he was.
When we met, he was clearly older and about 8 stone heavier. He admitted he used photos from when he used to play a sport, and was 30 in the photos but he’s actually 42 and really quite overweight.

The age difference pissed me off and the dishonesty pissed me off and I left. If the first thing someone does is lie to you (about age or appearance) then why do they deserve any kind of chance? They’ve shown themselves as a liar.

I've been there. But also my bf looked rough in his pictures but I decided to give it a go. Bloody gorgeous in real life.

This would have severely pissed me off. For wasting my time getting ready and coming to the date. And I would have told him!

You can't claim you are 28, slim, fit, toned, 6 ft 2, then turn up as 54, overweight, grey , 5 ft 3 baulding man!

OMG OP! How could you not put your feelings of a home and discomfort to one side and meet this older man that had clearly lied about his age? Did you not know that women are supposed to be nice?

Ffs people! He lied. His fault he got stood up.

*Feelings of shock and discomfort

I think you should have called him out rather than made up an excuse. He is the one in the wrong here!

Did you actually text him ‘I can’t see you I can only see an old fat grey man under a brolly?’

You did the right thing, OP. He deliberately misled you.