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Original poster

Online date turned up looking nothing like his pictures

373 replies

Crystal1981 · 26/10/2019 13:55

So I had been talking to a 28 year-old guy for a week. He sounded lovely (honestly hadn't spoken to anyone that nice before) and he looked very cute on his pictures.

We arranged to go for a drink and he told me he would be outside a café in a blue coat and black jeans.

I got there early so hovered around. I saw an older grey haired man waiting outside but couldn't see him. He then texted again saying he was under an umbrella and I realised that older man WAS him.

Now I know people can use pictures that are a couple of years old and pictures can be filtered, men can add an inch or two.
But honestly not sure this was the same person.

If that guy was 28, i'm the prime minister.
He had virtually a full head of grey hair. There is nothing wrong with grey, but using only photos where you have brown hair is misleading.

He looked like a different person to his photos and much, much older.
I thought there was no point even going for a drink and getting his hopes up. I text saying I had an emergency and got straight on the bus home.

I know that was really not good what I did but neither is misleading someone.
What would others have done ? Anyone else had this experience ?

OP posts:
Potnoodledoo · 26/10/2019 14:28

I think that was really mean of you, especially if he's a nice guy.

No its not.If he lied about that,what else did he lie about.

How old are you? Is your username your year of birth?

Shes the age she said she was.

Why do women have to appease men.He looked nothing like his picture.He lied.

milliefiori · 26/10/2019 14:29

Why is it mean of her? He sent pictures of someone else. Or if not, then pictures of himself taken so long ago they didn't represent him at all. He lied about his age.

Why should a woman feel obliged to have a drink with a lying, self-deceiving manipulator on the make just so his little male ego doesn't bruise?

Nofunkingworriesmate · 26/10/2019 14:30

If it was a fake picture then fair enough it’s a safety issue but it’s s bit shallow to stand someone up for grey hair as you say nothin wrong with that, you probably used your best picture and he may have been taken aback, also you can be honest over text to a stranger “ sorry you look nothing like the photo”

AngelsSins · 26/10/2019 14:32

you were meeting in a public place, could you not have gone to meet him for a drink? You never know, you might have got along great even if there was no spark?

Why the fuck should she? Do you think women owe their time and company to any man who demands it? He’s a liar, no need to be “nice” to him ffs.

CalmFizz · 26/10/2019 14:35

Do you think it was the same man in the photos just much older, or a completely different person?

Allycumpooster · 26/10/2019 14:36

Years ago (2003!) early days of Match.com. I chatted for ages to a guy who was lovely, he wrote the best emails, poems and song lyrics and short stories. Eventually we decided to meet up and he came across the country on his motorbike to meet (he is not British and got Hereford and Hartford mixed up so it was a lot further than he anticipated). Anyway he was a LOT larger than his photos, a lot. I have him the benefit of the doubt and we had the best time together. I’m still in contact with him now and consider him a good friend. Even though the relationship never got going the friendship led to some wonderful adventures.

Zaphodsotherhead · 26/10/2019 14:36

I would have gone with the text 'I waited, but you didn't turn up, I could only see one person waiting and, as he didn't look anything like you, I went home'.

That way he'd know that his 'post pictures 20 years out of date' ruse isn't going to work, If nobody calls him on it, or is too nice to mention it, then isn't he just going to keep doing it?

PrincessMaryaBolkonskaya · 26/10/2019 14:37

You did the right thing. You don’t owe him or have to be ‘nice’ to him as he lied to you

The same won’t happen to OP because her photos reflect how she looks now

Leflic · 26/10/2019 14:38

I think I would have pointed out that he had mislead me from his photos and that wasn’t a good basis to start from.
And walked off. People deserve the truth.

Chloe8823 · 26/10/2019 14:38

I do feel a bit bad for him to be honest, leaving him there like that. But on the other hand he misled you. I can see it from both sides.

Original poster
Crystal1981 · 26/10/2019 14:39

Thanks for the replies. Those who say it was really mean i can get why and I do feel bad but honestly, i'm not sure it was the same person.
It's nothing to do with grey hair, it's that facially he looked much older, whereas on his pictures he even looked baby-faced for 28, could have passed for 23.

I didnt see myself going for a drink with or potentially getting friendly with someone who did that.

OP posts:
HouseworkAvoider10 · 26/10/2019 14:41

YANBU.
He is a liar.
If he lies about his age, what else will he lie about.
You did the right thing.
Fuck him.
Don't give it another moments thought.

RueCambon · 26/10/2019 14:41

You are not being unreasonable at all!

Ridiculous really, what do they think, that you'll just shrug!

Original poster
Crystal1981 · 26/10/2019 14:41

I have just looked at his photos again, and they look like him 20 years ago. But one pic on there looks nothing like him.
I also feel bad that he stood there, but he shouldnt mislead women.
Hopefully he will put some pics up that are actually him/recent and i'm sure he will have some dates.

OP posts:
TheFaerieQueene · 26/10/2019 14:44

Op you did the right thing. He lied so he doesn’t deserve your time.

I can’t believe how many people think you were wrong. Never appease a liar.

SunshineAngel · 26/10/2019 14:45

@Glitterb Just no. If he's a genuine nice guy (ANYONE can be nice over text) he wouldn't have used such a misleading photo.

Sorry but he LIED to OP by making out to be someone he wasn't. She didn't owe him anything, so don't act like she's the one in the wrong.

Butterfly84 · 26/10/2019 14:46

Can't believe people think this is unforgivingably mean.

To not even look like his profile picture, he is lying at the first hurdle. That's no way to start any kind of relationship.

Nothing wrong with grey hair obviously, but he should have used a current picture.

Original poster
Crystal1981 · 26/10/2019 14:46

Yes I just thought that if he lied on the first date, then we arent getting off to a great start.
I would have stayed if the pics were maybe a few years old, bit more grey than before etc. That doesn't matter.
But i think I did the right thing.

OP posts:
CodenameVillanelle · 26/10/2019 14:47

What an idiot. It's his own fault he got stood up, he shouldn't deceive women into dates.

All you women saying she should have met with him anyway - give your heads a wobble.

AutumnRose1 · 26/10/2019 14:49

Oh dear OP that's wrong of him

Reminds me of this blog

www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/the-guyliner/awkward-dates-gay-dating_b_4176862.html

OctoberLovers · 26/10/2019 14:49

Have you spoke since?

I think i would need to know how old he really is and why he lied

Lunafortheloveogod · 26/10/2019 14:52

@BeverlyGoldbergsHairAndJumpers answer would’ve been mine too.. like I’m not waiting on your dad?

I get women do it too or use angles where they look smaller but it still doesn’t make it any better, atleast if it’s an obvious angle that makes you look smaller and you don’t set your bio as a slim athletic built size 8 it’s maybe not as bad.

I had a guy describe himself as tall dark n handsome.. he was fit, dark haired... and smaller than me.. I’m 5ft2 I am no where near tall, even for a woman. I did ask where the rest of him was and ruffled his hair.. I also had a guy who looked like a rock star, hair down his back.. rocked up completely fuckin bald like I could’ve polished his head. Was it a wig? Where the fuck did it go? Maybe it was cousin it having a piggy back..

It’s just weird n off putting you’d spend the whole date like surely he didn’t look like this... did he really say 28.. was it in a bio he wrote years ago.. do I ask how old he is? Was his paper route through Chernobyl?

RueCambon · 26/10/2019 14:53

Yes, if he feels entitled to meet much younger women, as though ageing is something that affects only women, that is not 'nice'. He lied, but it's more than that imo, it's that entitlement to young women despite his age. No point explaining, once I reprimanded a man for subtracting a full decade off his age and that still made him older, I said I'd paid a babysitter to go out and meet him. He was really rude and made snippy comments about my ''life''. I never responded but at least my life was my life. It was his life that was a ''life'' on line at least.

catsmother · 26/10/2019 14:53

The world of online dating is unfortunately full of people who misrepresent themselves, either by using photos which are many years out of date (or of someone else completely!), or in the way they describe themselves (height, weight, marital status, body shape etc).

It's all very well to dismiss the feelings of those who've been mislead this way as 'shallow', as in, 'you should have given them a chance' or 'they might have been nice regardless' but no-one owes anyone else a sympathy date, least of all someone who's broken their trust by lying, right from the start, before you've even begun to get to know them. It's hardly the basis on which to begin a potential relationship is it?

We're all entitled to determine who and/or what we find (un)attractive. Forcing someone's hand by presenting an image which isn't accurate isn't fair, and wastes everyone's time. It's so bloody arrogant to assume that in spite of treating your date like an idiot, they'll nonetheless fall for your charms anyway. If you're that confident in your irresistibility why lie in the first place because the real you is going to be revealed the second you meet?!!

Too damned right I'd have walked away as well. It's NOT standing someone up in the true sense of the word. If anything it's about self preservation and protecting yourself from someone who's manipulative and untrusworthy. Don't you dare feel guilty about doing that OP, he wasted your time and your money (in travel costs) hoping that you'd feel too awkward to call him out and would therefore bag himself a spell of female company he might otherwise not have got had he been truthful. Sadly, I think a lot of 'older' men who'd never usually be found attractive by most younger women, depend on subterfuge to try and get their attention. And even sadder still, as evidenced by some of the attitudes displayed on this thread, there are some women who'd not have the confidence to object and/or who have this misplaced obligation to see the date through despite feeling uncomfortable. I'm not saying that age gap attraction doesn't exist because obviously it can do, but surely only when both parties have been upfront and honest from the start! What un-nerves me is the sort of man who feels 'entitled' to the 'ideal' of a younger date and lies to get one, knowing that many women have been conditioned to be compliant even when misled.

Notpretty11 · 26/10/2019 14:55

I have had people look different from pics. Not like that though. I just went along with it as I was more interested in personality. Now I am not so sure it is fair (of them to do that).