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Original poster

Online date turned up looking nothing like his pictures

373 replies

Crystal1981 · 26/10/2019 13:55

So I had been talking to a 28 year-old guy for a week. He sounded lovely (honestly hadn't spoken to anyone that nice before) and he looked very cute on his pictures.

We arranged to go for a drink and he told me he would be outside a café in a blue coat and black jeans.

I got there early so hovered around. I saw an older grey haired man waiting outside but couldn't see him. He then texted again saying he was under an umbrella and I realised that older man WAS him.

Now I know people can use pictures that are a couple of years old and pictures can be filtered, men can add an inch or two.
But honestly not sure this was the same person.

If that guy was 28, i'm the prime minister.
He had virtually a full head of grey hair. There is nothing wrong with grey, but using only photos where you have brown hair is misleading.

He looked like a different person to his photos and much, much older.
I thought there was no point even going for a drink and getting his hopes up. I text saying I had an emergency and got straight on the bus home.

I know that was really not good what I did but neither is misleading someone.
What would others have done ? Anyone else had this experience ?

OP posts:
timshelthechoice · 26/10/2019 16:43

Just ghost him. He catfished you. Not on. He knows damn well what he's doing.

MrGsFancyNewVagina · 26/10/2019 16:48

Any woman that feels that she owes a lying man a date, simply because they turned up, has already lowered her boundaries. If an abusive man is inclined to lie and get rewarded for it, then they will know they’ve already made a dent in your boundaries and the future looks good......for them, not the woman.

Women, please respect yourself more and stop female socialisation teaching you to be so nice, that you’ll reward a lying man.

ExcitedForFuture · 26/10/2019 17:06

You did the right thing OP. I'd message him and say you saw him and left as he deliberately deceived you which you don't appreciate.

ScreamingBeans · 26/10/2019 17:08

MrGsFancyNewVagina

BadSun · 26/10/2019 17:08

Agreed with those saying you should have been honest with him. I would have just messaged saying I saw him and left because he is obviously older than he said he was and you don't date liars.

Joerev · 26/10/2019 17:14

I had a guy arrange to meet. I waited a bit. Then realised he wasn’t going to turn up.

He texted me saying he’d followed me all the way home. Knew my car. Knew my address. Was scared shitless

Uponreflection · 26/10/2019 17:15

I think you should tell him too. It might stop him doing it to others.

I have seen plenty of photos on online dating where the photo is obviously from when they were much younger.

Uponreflection · 26/10/2019 17:16

I was on my way to a date once and passed the guy in my car. My heart sank as I knew he was not my type at all. I still went on the date and he was pleasant enough but it was a waste of time really.

stucknoue · 26/10/2019 17:17

Same happened to me - well guy claimed to be 49 but if he was a day under 70 then I'm Minnie Mouse! I politely drank my coffee and made excuses after 40 mins. On arrival home I confronted him and was accused of being ageist, no he was a liar! Wish me luck I'm meeting someone in 90 minutes who claims to be 48 and a managing director ... 60 year old lorry driver perhaps based on my luck!

stucknoue · 26/10/2019 17:21

Ps I made a formal complaint to guardian soulmates following several men lying about their age, they actually are working on a verification system. If a relationship is going to last it can't be built lies at the start. I don't want to be someone's nursemaid I'm mid 40's!

BrendasUmbrella · 26/10/2019 17:21

I think that was really mean, and I hope someone does the same to you at some point.

Well the first step in that scenario would be the OP grossly misrepresenting who she is.

She expected to meet a 28 year old and instead saw someone she described as more like 48. Presumably she's in her 20s. So this middle aged man was trying to date younger women by using his younger pictures, probably hoping he'd meet one meek enough to not question it. And that's disgusting.

Michaelbaubles · 26/10/2019 17:22

This bollocks about “maybe he thinks he still looks like that” is some kind of nonsense. I look at photos from when I was 16 and it still looks like me but I’m not a fucking idiot and I know I don’t look like that! When I was doing OLD I used photos from the last year, flattering yes but a variety ie one done up to the nines but a couple in natural light with everyday make up on. I wouldn’t stay for a date with a liar. It bodes only bad things.

Graphista · 26/10/2019 17:27

Wow! The internalised misogyny is alive and strong on this thread isn't it?!

No op you are not obliged to give of your time and effort to someone who blatantly LIED.

I can't abide liars.

OLD can be a minefield, numerous threads on here of the pitfalls and as a bisexual woman I can attest it's NOT just men that pull this crap!

I've met people who are much older/younger (the fetishising of older women is very much a thing)/bigger/smaller/shorter/taller than they claimed/stated on their profiles.

I'm actually pretty open minded but there are some things which are a personal preference that I'm not willing to compromise on and that's allowed.

The worst was a woman who turned up having posted lovely smiley photos and then when we met had no teeth!

And a guy (and this wasn't his fault totally but I learned to ask for clear facial pictures before meeting from that point forward) who seriously could have been the twin of my cousin! A cousin I'd grown up with and our relationship was more of siblings and the idea of dating someone who looked exactly like him freaked me out!

Personally I am ott honest in my own profile/description on the occasions I participate in OLD (I go through phases, I'm not really interested in a relationship but sometimes it's nice to have company...and sex!)! To the point I actually add a dress size to be on the safe side as I've experienced especially with men that they can be quite bad at visualising the size of a woman and as a larger woman now (I used to be slim honest Sad) I got fed up of meeting men who's almost instant reaction was clear disappointment and even comments that I wasn't slimmer.

I also make it clear in discussions prior to meeting.

Doesn't reduce my opportunities I've found as some people not only aren't bothered by extra weight but actually like it.

But yes it's the deception that's the issue, if they lie about stuff like this that they KNOW you're going to realise as soon as you meet them then what the hell else are they able and willing to lie about?! Had enough of that shit with my ex thanks

hallohallohallo · 26/10/2019 17:43

I think I probably would have met him just to make sure that was actually the right guy. Something along the lines of 'Oh! Hello, are you X? Sorry, I didn't recognise you as you look nothing like your photo!' Unless he had an amazing excuse (no idea what that could be tbh), then I would leave and be clear that I was leaving because he had been dishonest.

But there could have been a man hidden behind a shrub (or something) on the other side of 'old' man who was the exact person in the photo you were meant to meet? So probably best to check that it was the right person or not before leaving?

CeefaCasperTheFriendlyGhost · 26/10/2019 17:45

Don't feel bad, it was not mean to do what you did. 'Being polite' to a stranger does not trump your own safety. And if he's misled you to the point where you genuinely thought it must be another person, then what else could he mislead you on? You've had a lucky escape. Never do anything when online dating that you don't want to do. You don't 'owe' anyone anything.

hallohallohallo · 26/10/2019 17:46

stucknoue Sat 26-Oct-19 17:17:12 Same happened to me - well guy claimed to be 49 but if he was a day under 70 then I'm Minnie Mouse! I politely drank my coffee and made excuses after 40 mins. On arrival home I confronted him and was accused of being ageist, no he was a liar! Wish me luck I'm meeting someone in 90 minutes who claims to be 48 and a managing director ... 60 year old lorry driver perhaps based on my luck!

Good luck!! Let us know how it turns out! Desperate to know now who will turn up, the 48 year old managing director or the 60 year old lorry driver!! Grin

RhinoskinhaveI · 26/10/2019 17:49

he's a predator, he knew that if he could get you to indulge him and ignore the lie then you have weak boundaries/low self esteem and he'd be able to persuade you into other things that benefit him way more than they benefit you.
It's a way of grooming victims, a way to select the weak ones, the easy prey

letsdolunch321 · 26/10/2019 18:12

OP you did the right thing, best thing to do now is block him - no explanation is needed. He acted like a twat - his problem not yours

The pp who has never done OLD should butt out as she knows nothing about the trials of OLD.

SonataDentata · 26/10/2019 18:17

I’ve had similar experiences. I once called someone out on it (he was nearly a foot shorter than his profile stated and he’d also lied about his profession - claiming to be one of the ones you’re not really allowed to lie about Hmm) but I only did it once I got safely home. You did completely the right thing.

hovatn · 26/10/2019 18:20

A workmate met a man off POF who, prior to meeting, claimed to run his own landscape gardening business and to live in a 2 bedroomed flat overlooking the canal in the city centre. He drove a sporty looking Saab. On their first date he confessed that he couldn't drive, had never even had a driving lesson. He lived with his parents, had never left the family home, and his job was working for the council, mowing grass in municipal parks

OMG - I think I know this guy. Said the same thing to me...though it can't be the same guy because he was living in a city that didn't have canals!

OP - I'd have done the same thing. If he's prepared to lie to this extent, what else will he lie about.

mcmooberry · 26/10/2019 18:24

I don't blame you for fleeing but I think you need to tell him why. Happened to me once with a very attractive guy in his pictures had put on a huge amount of weight to the point that it changed the shape of his face. I did comment that he didn't look like his pictures and he brushed it off saying he'd been doing a lot of exercise at the time and could be like that again. I stayed for the date but there was no spark and that was that.

Velveteenfruitbowl · 26/10/2019 18:25

I do know a few people in their twenties who are full on grey. It’s really not a good indicator of age.

But that aside if he obviously lied then ours best to avoid him altogether.

Samosaurus · 26/10/2019 19:02

I think you did the right thing. He got you there under false pretences which is actually very creepy.

burnoutbabe · 26/10/2019 19:11

I'd have called him out on it. And at least met him to ensure it was him (and not randomly his dad had dropped him off and was waiting to leave)

romancenovelist · 26/10/2019 19:16

Why do people on dating sites lie about their age? It seems pointless. I can understand why you didn't want to meet him.

A few months ago I went on a date with a guy that lied about his age. As soon as I saw him I thought "oh no" but decided to had a drink with him anyway.

He looked older than his photos too. It was one of the worst dates I have ever been on as he propositioned me for sex.

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