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Original poster

Online date turned up looking nothing like his pictures

373 replies

Crystal1981 · 26/10/2019 13:55

So I had been talking to a 28 year-old guy for a week. He sounded lovely (honestly hadn't spoken to anyone that nice before) and he looked very cute on his pictures.

We arranged to go for a drink and he told me he would be outside a café in a blue coat and black jeans.

I got there early so hovered around. I saw an older grey haired man waiting outside but couldn't see him. He then texted again saying he was under an umbrella and I realised that older man WAS him.

Now I know people can use pictures that are a couple of years old and pictures can be filtered, men can add an inch or two.
But honestly not sure this was the same person.

If that guy was 28, i'm the prime minister.
He had virtually a full head of grey hair. There is nothing wrong with grey, but using only photos where you have brown hair is misleading.

He looked like a different person to his photos and much, much older.
I thought there was no point even going for a drink and getting his hopes up. I text saying I had an emergency and got straight on the bus home.

I know that was really not good what I did but neither is misleading someone.
What would others have done ? Anyone else had this experience ?

OP posts:
RuffleCrow · 26/10/2019 14:55

I would have done the same as you. It's not the age that's the issue so much as the deception. No way to start even a vague acquaintance let alone an intimate relationship. He sounds like a chancer filtering out the women with confidence and self respect so he can prey on the 'weaker' ones who 'wouldn't want to appear rude'.

1forAll74 · 26/10/2019 14:56

Ha ha. the grey haired man,was just left standing there in the rain,and he could have spent ages getting ready for the date, all neat and tidy,and with his best aftershave on. I bet he went home feeling really sad and upset !

Original poster
Crystal1981 · 26/10/2019 14:57

Maybe, but I also went home feeling upset as i'd been looking forward to the date !

OP posts:
Trainwardrobe · 26/10/2019 14:57

You did absolutely the right thing. I’m sorry this happened to you it is bleugh behaviour. You do not need to feel bad at all and you have every right to feel angry

Slappadabass · 26/10/2019 14:57

You owe him nothing, he lied, he misled you so why should you give him any of your time. He could well have been a lovely man, but you owe nothing to anyone. If he messages again, tell him why you really left, he should know it's not fair to mislead people that way.

pickletickled · 26/10/2019 15:00

You are not in the wrong here. I'd have done the same but I'd have told him why too.
It's not on when either sex do it and I don't see the point of it really as you find out eventually.
Next time you get talking to someone ask for a live chat or something, at least that way you'll know.

leafyskyline · 26/10/2019 15:00

YANBU

I'm all for being kind normally but this is the bullshit where being amendable is used against women.

I had an ex who lied about his age once, sent misleading photos etc. I was much younger and a lot less confident so accepted his excuses. Turned out to be the tip of iceberg, the man was a compulsive liar and I wasted far too long on him years unfortunately.

Honesty was a total deal breaker for me from then on. Thankfully my DH understands this and it's one of his most appealing traits.

coldwarenigma · 26/10/2019 15:01

My feelings are that OP did the right thing....her safety is paramount and deception like this would have very big alarm bells ringing....if he is genuine he would say that it was an old picture...

RuffleCrow · 26/10/2019 15:01

Oh no @1forAll74 a lying man got wet and felt sad! Surely this will trigger the revolution we've all been waiting for?!

Honeyroar · 26/10/2019 15:01

My only criticism is you didn't tell him why. You should've text "sorry I can't see anyone that looks like you here. There's someone older with a brolly, but he's all grey and you've got dark hair... I'm going home."

15 yrs ago I met someone who was tanned with dark hair in his picture- in reality he was pale and bald. I did slightly mention how different he looked and he said his photo was on holiday a few years ago. I was too shy/polite to say any more, but I am still annoyed I wasted 2 hours sitting there with someone I wouldn't have met if I'd known because there was no attraction.

Chewingbubblegum · 26/10/2019 15:03

Perhaps he dyed his hair grey. It's fashionable these days.

JavaQ · 26/10/2019 15:07

YANBU
The internet dating thing is very superficial and men have NO problem rejecting women who aren't supermodels or 20 years younger etc etc etc.
You have your guidelines and have stuck to them- which is perhaps the best one can do in blind date situations.
A pal would ask prospectives before meeting them "are you married?"...which I never thought of doing but is an obvious question....as is...."how old is your profile picture?"
Good luck!

sueelleker · 26/10/2019 15:08

Is it also fashionable to paint on wrinkles?

Fraggling · 26/10/2019 15:10

Thing is men rely on women being 'nice'.

They put out of fate photos up and lie to get dates with women who would not otherwise be interested.
They hope that the woman will go through with it so as to be 'nice'.
Men rely on women being 'nice' often to get women to do things they don't really want to do.

It's all part of the dynamic of male entitlement and female socialisation to be nice ' that has so many other results. Like randoms getting angry when you aren't' nice ' to them when they try to chat you up on the street etc

And you always get women telling other women off for not doing what women are supposed to do ie always be' nice ' to men.

Wonkybanana · 26/10/2019 15:11

I'd be honest with him. Text him and say sorry, you didn't have an emergency, you felt very let down and deceived by him when you saw him. That you'd enjoyed talking to him, which was why you wanted to meet up. But that when you saw him, you realised that his online photos looked nothing like him now, and that being honest you didn't think he was 28 either. Tell him that he's good company but that no-one is going to trust him when he can do that, so he's only hurting himself. If he's honest about who he is, he's more likely to be successful. Unless of course he's hoping that at least some of the women he arranges to meet will stay and give him a shag, in which case he isn't somebody you want to know.

That sort of message is either going to give him a wake up call, or it's going to be a kick in the goolies to know he picked the wrong one trying that sort of stunt with you.

TabithasMumCaroline · 26/10/2019 15:11

I’m still going on the supposition that the op is 38 trying to meet guys who are a decade younger. The 38 yo guy who claimed to be 28 probably thought that she wouldn’t mind meeting a guy the same age as herself, so it was worth a shot.

cosytoaster · 26/10/2019 15:12

I know that was really not good

What you did was fine, can't believe some people think it was mean. The only thing you did wrong was sending an excuse, I'd have gone with what a pp suggested and said I'd turned up but the only person there didn't look anything like him.
There's a lot of liars on OLD, male and female and they deserve to be called out.

Moondancer73 · 26/10/2019 15:13

I think you were totally reasonable in doing what you did. If he messaged you I'd make a point of saying that there was someone under a brolly who looked very unlike his photos hence why you thought he hadn't turned up. His behaviour is unreasonable, not yours.

BykerBykerWooooo · 26/10/2019 15:13

A relative of mine left her husband for a man she’d “fallen in love with” online. When they met he was ten years younger than he’d told her, and she was 10 years older. So the 16 year old and 38 year old took one look at each other and ran screaming in the opposite directions, she to the open arms of her spurned (and foolish) husband. It’s not the first or last time she has been caught in a lie.

You did the right thing.

Butchyrestingface · 26/10/2019 15:16

Perhaps he dyed his hair grey. It's fashionable these days.

What did he do to his face to add 20 years?

@Crystal1981

Have you had any contact with him since?

RuffleCrow · 26/10/2019 15:16

@tabithasmumcaroline - what has the OPs age got to do with it? Presumably she was honest about it. It's not for a complete stranger to decide who a woman he's never met 'wouldn't mind dating'. He sounds a lot older than 38 anyway.

Butchyrestingface · 26/10/2019 15:18

When they met he was ten years younger than he’d told her, and she was 10 years older.

Had she told him she was 28 as well as him stating he was 26? Grin

Can't believe she didn't at least go to meet him first before telling her dolt husband she was leaving him for her internet luvva. Grin

Butchyrestingface · 26/10/2019 15:19

I’m still going on the supposition that the op is 38 trying to meet guys who are a decade younger

What are you basing that on? Confused

VaggieMight · 26/10/2019 15:20

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at poster's request.

DioneTheDiabolist · 26/10/2019 15:20

The 38 yo guy who claimed to be 28 probably thought that she wouldn’t mind meeting a guy the same age as herself, so it was worth a shot.
If he thought that, I hope he gets a soaking and a really nasty cold, as well as no date.