Dating thread 172: from developing a rhino hind to finding love in the unusual places...the rollercoaster of dating!

[CodLiverOil556]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

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Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item. 😘

Safe = sage

Oh. Im going to an event soon....where A mate is trying to set me up with a mutual freind. I reminded her that one of the first things she said about him was that hed f*ck a hole in the floor. 🤦‍♀️

Sounds like a catch @supercali77 😂

Sounds standard 😂

A coupled up mate presumably @supercali77 ?

Boo MrMechanic has read but ignored WhatsApps today - meant to be meeting tomorrow night, help me stop overthinking peeps

Is he in a meeting?

I turned off my read receipts ages ago and it's done me a world of good. Those blue ticks drive me crackers.

See what happens throughout the day. He may respond during his lunch break.

He's off work today but did say he was going to be busy today

@Peanuthedz No but my mate got this info from another freind who is in a long marriage....so yeah he's probs had a few GF's and they think he's a sex-pot

Oh @Peanuthedz. It's all so hard and upsetting.

I did laugh at this: But (and apologies to nearly every single person on the thread) I can't face a 40 something, middle class, London, guardian reader dad who cycles. And that's my demographic. I want an unsuitable sex pirate.

I think an unsuitable sex pirate sounds much more fun.

I say that as someone whose demographic is the same, with different geography. Most of my male friends fit that demographic too. My (horrible) ex is the late 30s (but looks 50) version of it. Bloody academics!

I'm the guardian reading, cycling to work half of my relationship with MrSG.

On age, I did get drunk a few months ago and told him that it was widely accepted that it's a bit creepy that his ex is 10 years younger than him. She was 23 when they met (and they have nothing in common at all, never did apparently - he was being creepy, early midlife crisis guy 😂). This seemed to be news to him and now he's worried that my friends think he's creepy. I told him his better judgement now in choosing someone pretty much the same age as him makes up for it.

@supercali77 'a hole in the floor'. I'd be insulted at being set up with that one.

Although maybe he is an unsuitable sex pirate.

@WooMaWang Yes, noone wants to be the 'hole in the floor' part of the equation.

@KermitRulesOK I'd give him till end of day - was it a question asked etc? I sometimes read a message and can't reply properly right away but get round to it later

@Peanuthedz unsuitable sex pirate also made me chuckle. We all need one of them in our lives. How're you feeling today? I know I felt sick for the first week or so, I couldn't eat, sleep or do anything. I also didn't shower and generally went feral.

Ok, so MrMechanic has messaged with a rather cheeky pic and also a sorry he hasn't messaged this morning! Tomorrow is still very much on - must not get over invested, must not get over invested, must not get over invested - repeat ad infinitum...

Why is this dating lark so fucking hard??

aw @kermitrulesok your post has made me smile because I've been in that exact situation. Fretting about not getting a response and then breath a sigh of relief when a reply finally pops in!! It's hard not to get worried about these things. I've not been at this long but I have learned not everyone uses WhatsApp in the same way as me - lots of people don't look at it all day - then catch up evenings or lunch breaks or whatever. So don't over think a small delay!
Was talking until nearly 1am again last night with MrFitness! We chat so easily over messages - and so far in person so can only hope that continues. Does anyone else get the worries that if you message a lot - you'll have nothing left to talk about when you do actually see the person face to face?? We barely know each other at this point so I'm not actually sure what we will talk about face to face.

Mr C and I agreed I'll rearrange my coil appointment, by agreed I mean we had a chat this morning in bed about how if he does ever decide he is ready for kids he wants it to to be planned not accidental. So that's on my to do list today.

Last night whilst cuddling he said "I love you SBD" which was the first time he's directly said it. I said it back and we talked about the different layers to love and stuff. Because I DO love him, I love what he is to me at the moment and I understand this could change, I mean hopefully it will deepen over time. BUT it could go the other way!

We've just booked a holiday together for April next year, we're going away for a few days. Yeah I know we've only been together for two months but, when you know, you know.

Ah @KermitRulesOK that is so good to hear. I can't stop crying. I keep doing that hiccup sob thing or groaning and people keep looking at me. I'm crying in my lectures. Everywhere. I'm not sleeping or eating. Mind you I haven't split up with someone for 18 years so I'm out of practise. About from exH which doesn't count as I was desperate for him to leave for years. I'd forgotten how horrendous it is. I've had loads of stressful shit to deal with over the last couple of years but none of it comes close to this.

And you have lived to see another day! So will I! Although I'm considering going home to bed to sob.

We messaged last night. He said he will always love me. He's never cried over a woman. We're perfect together and I am everything he wants. But but but.... if he said he'd had enough if me it might be easier. He said we can't have sex again or we will just get back together. I said I can't see him for a while. I can't go NC. I've muted his SM. He doesn't want me to disappear though. I still don't understand why now and I suspect an element of self harm but I can't fight it. Aaargh.

And @WooMaWang yes I am a cycling guardian reading middle class leftie so hopefully I've covered that side of any future relationship. He was so lovely because he was so different to my dull mother life!

@iamthrough Mr Ad and I chatted non stop before we met and still do now, two months later. We just find everything and nothing to talk about!

@lovemusic what happened with Mr Skinny? Are you ok?

Are you going to date the sex pest @supercali77 ?! 😂

@SBD1 things seem to move very quickly between you and Mr C. He other day you were saying you weren't ready for the L word? I worry I sound interfering and I feel I pass too much comment on your love life. You just strike me as quite vulnerable and it brings out the mum in me and perhaps my own past experience too.

I really wouldn't let any man decide on my contraception though. My body, my choice. I do hope you wouldn't rush at having another child as I think your son is already adjusting to a lot.

I think I'm going to bow out of commenting on your posts now as for some reason I feel triggered (perhaps by your abuse and vulnerability) and I worry I can't be objective in my advice as a result. I do wish you and Mr C much happiness. Best. NCM

Aw @Peanuthedz you must be struggling. The 'I love you but can't be with you' message is really hard to deal with. I know you had fall outs in your friendship group. Do you have support in real life. Friends to come round with wine, chocolate and tissues?

@notcoolmum Well you might remember I was supposed to have the coil fitted at the start of October but I had to cancel due to having a horrible cold and a meeting I couldn't avoid. He had already said if there was a male Pill he'd be happy to take it so he wasn't deciding he was just stating he wouldn't be ready for kids for a few years at least. We had the conversation because I thought we should discuss "accidents". I am not personally pro-abortion (for my body) and so it was best he knew that so we could make choices together as to how to prevent pregnancy.

And I do agree things seem to move quickly between us, but at the same time two months doesn't feel that long for me. I wasn't ready for the L word but when he talked about it a few days ago I reacted very positively to it and realised I held really deep feelings for him.

I don't think I'm vulnerable, maybe I am but I do feel okay.

If my posts are triggering and perhaps making the thread a bit anxious I'm happy to stop posting its okay.

Ah @Peanuthedz not to make light of your situation, but I broke it off with a guy last thread who I still liked, he still liked me, we had feelings grow out of a friendship (formed via matching on Tinder but still friends at first) but certain circumstances led to it not working. It was gutting to walk away from that, and it was only very very early on. Even though I'm seeing someone else now, he still pops up in my head from time to time. I feel wistful rather than sad, but I have an idea of what you're feeling. This is hard. We're here to listen.

Don't stop posting @SBD1 I like reading your posts. I like hearing how happy mr C and you are. You do sound vulnerable but he sounds like a good man. @Notcoolmum has explained there is something about you that triggers her. It happens. People can set each other off and who knows why.

God I'm turning into the thread.

@Peanuthedz I’m so sorry; it’s absolutely devastating. You’ll get through this. Sending hugs.

@KhaleesiTargaryen the WhatsApp waiting is a killer! I had a second date with Mr Sash yesterday and hadn’t heard from him all day...it was awful. The relief when he finally messaged! And turned up!

The date went well, he’s said he wants to see me again but no actual day planned yet. And I haven’t heard from him today so naturally I’m assuming he’s already tired of me I hate how insecure I am.