Dating thread 172: from developing a rhino hind to finding love in the unusual places...the rollercoaster of dating!

[CodLiverOil556]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

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Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item. 😘

Oh shitwith do you think you can talk to him about it - it's worth a try?

I hope it can be worked out @shitwithsugaron

@Peanuthedz Good for you, I hope the date goes well tonight

@trustmygut Yeah that's rotten behaviour, and the irony of it being through a so-called elite single 🤔Thought those people were supposed to have all their ducks in a row.

@KermitRulesOk That sounds awesome - very happy for you !

Question - at what point is exclusivity mentioned by you guys or your irons? I'm just sort of wondering theoretically at the moment. I really don't like the idea of sleeping with someone who is sleeping with others, although undoubtedly that is what I've been doing these last few months as haven't known how to bring it up. The couple I mentioned it to disappeared virtually instantly! I tried having a "I'm looking for an exclusive fwb" line that I'd weave in but either they'd agree and then the chemistry just wasn't there or they'd pretend to agree and I'd realise they were still seeing others.

Thanks everyone for your supportive messages - had a little cry last night! I can't believe I shed tears over someone I've never met - I rarely cry!!
Yes, the irony of the Elite Single - I had a few friends who had great success on it and I thought by paying I'd weed out the time wasters - how wrong I was! I find on the other apps (POF, Tinder) the men are only after a one night stand ... or maybe that's the demographic all the way over here on the Irish West Coast!!

I think with FWBs it's harder to ask for exclusivity. Exclusivity sounds like a relationship for lots of people. Maybe what you're looking for is a very casual relationship, with absolutely no plans for it to go anywhere.

Tbh, my only actual experience of this is with MrSG who is super straightforward about these things. I looked back at WA and he told me he'd deleted his tinder after date 1 because he 'didn't feel like he needed it any more'. And I replied that I'd done the same. 😂

@trustmygut it's so easy to get caught up with the texting and we believe these people are genuinely interested. I think many just want a pen pal. I'm in Ireland too but reading stories here it's very similar to Uk. I gave up many times because I was sick of all the mind games and dishonesty. It was so disheartening. Last year I gave it one last try and it worked I met an amazing guy and am so happy. So don't give up the next one might just be the one hopefully.

@shitwithsugaron sorry to hear that, I hope it can be recovered.
I hope I'm not saying the wrong thing, but you've been very supportive and understanding of him previously so I hope he will show the same when you need it.

Thanks @Chocolate123, it's good to hear a good news story! Down, but not out yet!!!
You are right about many just wanting a pen pal and I just can't get my head around that! Looking back, I can see the red flags now but didn't realise at the time - I guess it's all part of the learning and the heavy realisation that people are just not that honest!
I had a great marriage to the love of my life and he died suddenly 12 years ago. Having (luckily) not gone through lies and betrayal I think I'm still (even at the age of 50!) a little naieve and gullible!

@nomoreweepingandwailing we're all different but I jumped from a 20 year relationship to separation to a new relationship that is becoming a ltr in less than a year and it was the right thing for me to do. Its not me being needy or ‘desperate’ I am a good person with a full life, happy to be on my own, and I didn’t expect to meet someone so quickly, but I am enjoying getting to know Mr R. Whether we last or split up will not be because I am not over my ex but because of compatibility issues - if there are any.

I think that no matter how ‘over’ we are our last person being with a new person will trigger some upset over our last relationships and I will continue to process that relationship while being happy in a new relationship. I posted on here once that one of my dates was so nice to me that it made me realise how awful my ex had been but I hadn’t noticed while I was married.

@shitwithsugaron I’m sorry to hear this but you have been at this point before. Fingers crossed that you can resolve this again. We all have bad moments and insecurities and if he doesn’t help you through it he doesn’t deserve you.

@kermitrulesok @woomawang you’re wrong about best kisser. Mr R would beat your men hands down in a kiss off.

@peanutbuttermouth I mentioned exclusivity on about the 3rd date because I was drunk anxious about multi dating (we were both dating other people and i didn’t like it) and he agreed. I slept with him far earlier than I thought I would sleep with anyone and like you felt uncomfortable with him sleeping with others.

@Peanutbuttermouth I agree with @WooMaWang that to me, a FWB with exclusivity is a relationship.
Mr Ad told
Me after date one that he had come off the apps and I did the same but I knew as soon as we started chatting on Bumble that I wasn't interested in anyone else.

@shitwithsugaron I'm sorry to hear you are having problems but hopefully you can sort things out x

Good point @StealthNinjaMum about comparing. I think even if you leave it a few weeks, months or years. You always compare your last.

I'm at the stage of thinking why wasn't my last one like this. If only he could have done this, it would have been perfect blah blah but I know it's the process and natural

So I've just done my first pregnancy test in about 12 years 😳

Negative, thankfully and predictably but my period is a few days late, which it never is. I think it's this crappy mini pill I'm on and luckily I have an appointment later with the doctor about it anyway so going to see if there are any alternatives without having to have a coil again.

Sorry men 😂

Although Mr Ad did tell me the other day that if anything did happen he would stand by me...bless him.

Try the implant @Sunshineandflipflops it last 2/3 years and easily done

@lifegoes the implant makes me feel a bit queasy!

@Sunshineandflipflops I have a copper coil and it's brilliant - I don't get on with any hormonal contraceptives so is perfect for me

Will catch up properly later but I use the evra patch and get on well with it

@KermitRulesOK I had the copper coil for about 8/9 years and although fine for most of that time, I had a horrendous experience having it put in and then I had it removed eventually as I started spotting.

If I could be assured it wouldn't be so bad having it fitted I'd have another.

I'm a nightmare...hence the ex getting the snip!

I've just had my implant changed for about the 5th time, it's the best contraceptive I've had.

Yes right now my arm is a bit sore and bruised but the way I see it, I have 5 - 7 days of an annoying ache but 3 years of protection.

It's a win-win situation.

Glad the test was negative @Sunshineandflipflops. I bet you weren't expecting to be doing that.

I had a mirena and for in brilliantly with it. I'd be useless with the mini pill.

@StealthNinjaMum @KermitRulesOK we will definitely have to agree to disagree. Although I laughed quite a lot at the idea of a kiss off.

I just told mr u that if he was sleeping with other people then he wouldn't be sleeping with me. I think this was after we'd slept together maybe 2-3 times. But he was the first person I wanted exclusivity with. I wasn't bothered previously as I was still on the apps

Dating thread 173 - Winter is coming - 'cuffing' is optional www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3730977-dating-thread-173-winter-is-coming-cuffing-is-optional

New thread alert!

See you all there!!!