Dating thread 172: from developing a rhino hind to finding love in the unusual places...the rollercoaster of dating!

[CodLiverOil556]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

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Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item. 😘

I actually met someone in my late thirties who had kids but he told me later he had had the snip too. By then I was in the midst of it all and harder to leave. Luckily he was able to reverse it and we had kids. Otherwise I'd have been off.

I'm trying to pick myself up after a relationship with who I thought was "the one" ended a month ago. I tell myself that it's early days and the depression will lift but it's bloody hard at the moment.

A friend persuaded me to join a gym to meet new people (think she means men). I haven't been in a swimming costume for a million years so will have to buy one. Trouble is I don't think anyone who sees my ancient wobbly bits is likely to give me a second glance.

Well the kids thing seems to be more or less why mr U has finished it. He wants them. And he wants to see more of me and he can't. It's our situation that has split us up. The age gap wouldn't matter if he had kids and an income. He's so up against it.

He's always spoken about going back to his country and the unspoken but referred to thing was we'd split up then. Which would be far more gentle.

He doesn't want kids in this country. He can't afford kids at the moment. I suggested waiting til we were sick of each other and he said that wasn't going to happen because we're so good together.

I think he's gone slightly off the rails. He was on one of his regular meltdowns about his business and the uk and he threw our relationship into the mix. I think we were both shocked that the conversation escalated. I told him if he thought we should split up then soon let's do it now. And told him to leave and not stay over. He was shocked. And asked if I really wanted him to leave. At which point we both stood by my front door crying. And said we loved each other. That's never been said before. Then he left and I've been crying for about 16 hours.

Jane1978

Your list has me howling.

I'm more of a lurker on here but your list was absolutely spot on and very similar to my own list of no-nos when I was OLD.

Another one was pics taken in the mirror with a mobile phone (bathroom toiletries and toilet in view particularly bad) although that may come under dodgy decor.

Jane1978xx that should be

I don't think he wanted us to split up. He messaged this morning to say we'll talk later and we can see each other whenever we want. But I won't be doing that unless we're in a exclusive relationship. Although we haven't had a farewell fuck yet.

God knows.

And also on the heels of the discussion about telling the children. I'm beside myself. And his first thought was not to upset them. They'll know something is wrong and I guess I'll tell them. But yeah. And if they didn't know he existed what would I say? It's a bit like the first 3 months of pregnancy thing

And now I'm wondering if he was just having a Mediterranean hissy fit.

Anyway apols for lots of rambling but I need to get it all down somewhere to make sense of it

@Windmillwhirl yes toilet pics as well !! Like come on guys you are selling yourself here surely you can do better 🤷🏼‍♀️

@Peanuthedz That all sounds like a lot to unpick tbh so you should definitely offload here. He sounds a bit hot headed - does he like the drama of the argument and then the making up? It appears that you've really take the wind out of his sails with the "there's the door, off you pop if that's what you really want" comment.

Was he perhaps trying to call your bluff and see if you could magic up some extra time for the both of you if he threatened to end things - do you have lots of things (apart from kids and work and goodness knows they take up enough time), which he thinks you should give up to see him more often?

@MoreNiceCereal ah! Hadn’t thought of that angle. I’ve kind of turned it back on them usually.

@Peanuthedz that sounds so tough...the timebomb thing is awful, when you’re really into each other but you know it doesn’t have legs it takes a massive amount of strength to walk away.
Do you think talking is a good idea?

@Eesha Thing with my ex is that even if he could have the procedure reversed, he is almost 42, our kids are pre-teen and I know full well he doesn't want any more kids. If he did he would be making a huge sacrifice and their relationship would probably go the same way as ours did because he wanted to live the single life again. I assume these are conversations they've had but what she feels now about having kids might not be what she feels in 5-10 years time.

@Sunshineandflipflops yes my ex was the same. But to keep me, he said he did want children. Then, shortly after they were here, too much strain on us plus his drinking and then we were done. I also believe he wanted to enjoy his life without kids but wanted me and knew without children, it would be a deal breaker. In hindsight, he was done with kids.

Peanut oh no! I really hoped you and Mr U would make it. Sending hugs My last via OLD relationship ended because it logistically/geographically wouldn't work, he didn't end it so I had to put on my Big Girl pants and do it. Horrible Be very kind to yourself.

I'm 7 years older than Mr BC. His late wife was too, he's only ever been out with older women. Says he's not interested in a woman younger than himself. Who knows!

Thanks for the new thread :-)

I'm 5 years older than MrC - he's dated women aged 25 and upwards - I'm the oldest he's ever dated and the longest relationship he's had through OLD. His longest ever outside OLD is 2 years and she was 10 years younger than him...I've got tights older than that

He's got no kids, said he would have liked them, just never met anyone he wanted to have them with. He's really understanding of my situation and never hassles me about lack of time together because of mum duties.

I’ve got tights older than that 😂😂

Just hopping on to say peanut please don't apologise lovely - this thread is for support with all aspects of OLD, including when someone is having a tough time and needs to brain dump on here. I can imagine it must be terribly painful-why is the universe so cruel that circumstances can make it such that 2 people who love each other can't be together?!I hope that in time you manage to find a way forward.

So today’s POF delight - 36 , estate agent. Little chat about being in work etc. I said I’m bored so I’m having a brew and looking on my phone. His answer why don’t you go f*nger yourself in the loo and send me a pic 🤷🏼‍♀️. 😂 I’m all for a bit of flirty banter but no Hun

@Jane1978xx Nice. I've been quite lucky and never had any messages like that or any unsolicited d*ck pics. Part of me is a bit disappointed as I have some great responses up my sleeve!

@Jane1978xx Ya gotta wonder who this chat works on.

Please, please send him this pic then block

I doubt it works on anyone 😂😂 and his profile is looking for a long term relationship not just ‘dating’ 🤷🏼‍♀️. I’ve not had any pics yet 😂. That was the worse I’ve had and so sudden 3 mesages in

@jane1978 - that's just too funny! Why do these guys do this sort of thing?? Worst I've had was someone saying they wanted to spank me. oh and about 3 messages in "Do you spit or swallow?" Do this sort of chat up line ever work I wonder??

I don’t know what they are thinking or maybe it’s just a laugh and it’s not really them 🤷🏼‍♀️. I had another one claiming to be a photographer and wanting to take pics. Also a man who wants to dress in women’s underwear and have someone spank him.

Most likely those sorts of conversations get them off. Just the idea of springing it on a woman, surprising her, upsetting her. Some deeply odd and damaged men. I've had similar sorts of conversations, I'm sure they were typing one handed.