Dating thread 172: from developing a rhino hind to finding love in the unusual places...the rollercoaster of dating!

[CodLiverOil556]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

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Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item. 😘

Hi just popping on to join the shiny new thread. No update here just waiting for Sunday and my 3rd date with MrFitness. 3rd date is a milestone for me so keeping everything crossed I don't bow it!

A girl I used to work with who was mid 20s went after a lot of married or recently separated men who were 15-20 years older than her with kids. And she eventually married one 🤷🏼‍♀️. I wouldn’t have seen the attraction myself at that age I wanted to build a life with someone not slot into someone else’s.

@jane1978xx. That’s pretty similar to my list as well as the nippy bio like @MoreNiceCereal said.

I’ve seen some nice pics, good stats and then a bio that’s just completely ruined it. I’ve also become more discriminatory about the opening message(s).

Don’t even get me started on messages 😂. Hey sexy lady 🤢.

Just placemarking, haven't been on last few threads as absolutely nothing going on, can't really be bothered with the same old crap on OLD! Think I'm resigned to the fact that I'm going to be on my own for a looooonnngg time!

One extremely odious bio I read was 'If don't look as good as your pics, you're buying the drinks till you do'...I'm struggling think what woman would swipe right on that

I've seen that more than once, @supercali77.

I’ve seen that one about buying drinks as well !! Not sure if it’s the same person or something a few people use 😂

Ahhhh must be a reddit line or meme then. Classy.
'If you're not as original as your bio suggests - you're buying the drinks till you say something novel'

Omg I’ve seen that too!! And I knew the guy from school, so I also knew that his pic was from an event he was at with his then gf and he’d cropped her out. Yuck.
Then he came up again and he’d changed part of his bio - and stolen it from me!!! Knobber.

@sunshineandflipflops @jane1978xx I can't imagine fancying someone so old when I was in my 20s or even 30s but I suppose it takes all types. In my social group there are a few women with men maybe 10 years older but the men don't have first families so it's not something I've seen.

Mr R doesn't have children but has always been very understanding that I can't always go out or that sometimes my plans change. I did ask why he didn't go for a younger women with no ties (like all other 40 something men seem to want) but he likes me and is prepared to go slowly.

For a country with a high population density, it seems odd to see the same faces (or familiar ones) on the apps doesn't it?

The thought of accidentally seeing my ex on Tinder horrifies me!

@Peanuthedz I am so sorry to hear that and please take care of yourself and forget that gloomy dating future - the present raw heartache is more than enough to deal with.

@Jane1978xx I'm 49 and put 45-54 age range. If I drop it to 40 I think hmm I'll be 60 when they're 50 and it all seems a bit wrong. And I will most likely have a lot less in common (apart from parenting stuff) with someone with that age gap. 47-51 in truth seems to work better on dates as there's a lot more shared life context/experience there.

@supercali77 The 'you're buying the drinks' line features on loads of women's profiles too. I guess the guys and women that employ this 'banter' will be highly amused with each other. Good luck to them !

Ooh true @hairyarsedman ! I suppose - different strokes and all that. And maybe some guys like the bunny filters so the profiles saying “if I was looking for a pet I’d go to pets at home.” should keep it inside 😂

To be fair, Mr SAS was 9 years older than me but we were both in the same life stage (kids, separated/divorced) so it doesn't seem as bad as someone who has never been married/had kids choosing to be with someone who has done those things and IS STILL MARRIED!

Hi. I'm joining as you are all great and I'm in the midst of being ghosted for the first time.

@HairyArsedMan (love the name) I think you are in the minority 🤷🏼‍♀️. But good to know there are a few about.

Welcome to the thread pleasehelp hope you're ok

Hey...

Can I join please?

I have just started online dating and am starting to think what's the point?

Matched with a few guys....but not one has messaged? Is it down to me?

@MoreNiceCereal The thought of accidentally seeing my ex on Tinder horrifies me!
This exact thing happened to me.... I couldn't delete the app fast enough and stayed away for a while - but you know after a while I went back on and haven't seen him since. I suspect he was stalking me.

Does anyone actually know what all the Big Fish is about?? I was aware angling was a hobby obviously before I joined OLD - but until I started seeing all the fish pics I had no idea so many men did it!!

Welcome, @PleaseHelpM3. Sorry this is happening to you.

@ismellofroses - You could maybe try Bumble? On there the girls have to make the first move and message once you've matched. And you have to do it within 24 hours so you're not left hanging around wondering if the guys are going to bother replying.

I often message first, tbh, unless it's on POF and I get inundated anyway.

The fishing pics? My theory is laziness. They don't have many pictures of themselves, but oh, hey! That time I landed a big 'un, I'll throw that up there...

@MoreNiceCereal I think you’re right about laziness. I’m amazed at the number of pics of guys in the gym. Who does that?

@iamthrough that’s a freeze moment I’m sure. I’ve seen colleagues and friends and guys I recognise locally - but it’s the fact they’ve obviously seen me to that makes me cringe. Hey ho...

What do you think when a guy says (sometimes first off, sometimes after a few lines of chat) how come you’re on here? You’re too good for this place, you must have guys queuing up? Kind of a back handed compliment?

Do they think all people on the site are shop seconds in some way? Genuinely puzzled. Is it a red flag?

Hmm. I'll ask why they are on Tinder or whatever but mostly to find out if they are after a relationship or FWB or what. That's usually how I would interpret that question directed at me. I'm usually pretty blunt and straightforward very quickly on in my chats, but that's because I was never interested in long term. I'll possibly have to change tactics in the future when I'm ready to look for a serious relationship.