Dating thread 172: from developing a rhino hind to finding love in the unusual places...the rollercoaster of dating!

[CodLiverOil556]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

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Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item. 😘

I just find it funny 😂 and I’ve always worked with men etc so I don’t find it upsetting or intimidating but to some women it would be if you’d worked yourself to join

I don't get upset either, but I can understand why some women would!

But I've been lucky, I've never received a dick pic. Just a few dodgy conversations, easily blocked and forgotten about.

MoreNiceCereal It's exactly that, getting off on being controlling, it used to be dirty old men wearing a mac, now they can be disgusting from the comfort of the bog cubicle when skiving off at work.

More disturbingly, it's a pre-filter, if they snag anything with that sort of bait, then they know they have someone with very low boundaries.

Hmm my specialist subject if I was ever on Mastermind would be Mediterranean Hissy Fits from 2001 to present day @Peanuthedz (and somewhat facetiously I'm wondering if farewell fucks can be claimed or offered retrospectively ) But sounds like you have a basis for talking to each other at least once things simmer down. One of the worst things about breaking up something is to go your separate ways still caring about each other but not really knowing how the other person is so you might get some respite from that scenario at least.

@MoreNiceCereal MsM&M's profile was the first shown to me when I went back online. Main profile pic was one she'd sent during the summer, looking glowingly beautiful. It set me back more than a bit. Not her fault, just the vagaries of technology, it was a great picture, and she's entitled to get back out there. Was an equally hard choice between super like'ing it and swiping left.

@KhaleesiTargaryen Wonder if blokes do the cartoon-y animal face thing ? Is anyone on the thread going to admit to it ? Go on, you know you want to. It's pretty much every other profile I see ! I feel quite manly in the sense that I don't (he says, posting on Mumsnet).

Second dates all happening. Miss Bunker (that did a bunk) tonight and Miss Sphinx at the weekend.

Miss Bounce is lamenting lack of contact from me and worrying I don't like her, without having met, but it's looking like November before she'll be recovered. Not sure what to say there, I want to give her a chance and say let's try to pick things up again when she's in a position to meet.

Oh ouch, @HairyArsedMan, that really must have been tough to see straight away.

I definitely don't use filters, I don't even know how! The most I've done is made a pic b&w, but I had loads of compliments on that one.

Shit Hairy that must have been hard 😕

I seemed to attract the one-handed OLDers - had many similar messages to Jane. Not sure if anyone remembers from threads back in February/March the 'I want to flip you like a burger' charmer I had?! I'm very liberal and pretty much unshockable so they never bothered me, just irritating when you think you've found someone decent!

@HairyArsedMan Yep, I have seen men with snap chat filters too!
It's hard seeing faces you don't want to when you go back online-I've been there too. Luckily I swiped on Mr Ad the day after me and Mr SAS spilt so I never saw him on there, which I'm glad about.

Men seem to put on a selection of photos that seem to be a decade apart 😂.

Yes to the men using filters... I don’t get them at all. Especially the ones that are just airbrushed, so their skin looks a bit like playdo. Not a great look.

I’ve not been hugely bothered by the smut.. just delete immediately, but one guy did get me chatting and then slipped in, during a conv about what food we liked, that he liked eating Thai out.
I bet he was frothing with that one, very proud of himself 😂😂

@HairyArsedMan it’s worse when you see a photo that you were there for iykwim, and it has a memory for you too. I was deleting pics off my phone and came across some that Mr Fireman sent me when we first met. I just wanted to go back to that time and start again. 💔

@Jane1978xx I’ve seen more than a few with baby/childhood/teenage pics??? Why??

I’ve lost all the men in their 20s now 😂. I just gave them one word answers and they faded away.

@KhaleesiTargaryenb sometimes I just feel like messaging them to give them profile advice 😂😂

So he messaged to say his friends thought he was an idiot for finishing with me. The ones I've met. But he hasn't changed his mind. He said not to worry as I'll be seeing them again. And we can have sex with each other whenever we fancy it. ( there's your answer @HairyArsedMan) so what the hell is that?

I unpicked a lot of his reasons over coffee with a friend. I think he's just lost it. He's homeless and is living in his business as he couldn't afford rent. His business is not going to be a success in time. He's wasted his parents money. He just needs to go home. He has said in many an occasion that I'm the only good thing in London for him. So get rid of me and it's easier to go. I'm also wondering about the sudden focus on children because I don't think he really wants them. He'd struggle to cope with their chaos. I think he feels bad for wasting his parents money and wants to produce offspring for them as recompense. But he's not going to find a woman in London who will move back home with him and procreate. ESP as he's homeless and broke. (Yes a real catch) And he's bloody hard to have a relationship with. Not many would put up with his shit.

Ah I'm so tired. I think he just reached the point of knowing the longer we leave it the more painful it will be. I won't find another one like him. But (and apologies to nearly every single person on the thread) I can't face a 40 something, middle class, London, guardian reader dad who cycles. And that's my demographic. I want an unsuitable sex pirate.

And @HairyArsedMan I can't go on tinder and see him on there. It'll finish me off. But he will be back on there in a month or so. I'm not surprised it set you back. Horrible.

What do we reckon is the recovery time for 9 or 10 months? A month or so? After Xmas?

Oh and @JeSuisPrest it wasn't really me who is time poor. It's just as much him. He hasn't had a single day off since mid April. Works 10-7 every. Single. Day.

Ha @Peanuthedz you have described my ideal man!!!
I think the recovery time is so hard to judge. I'm not over Mr S yet at almost 5 months. Which is the same length as our relationship 🙈 I'm a lot closer to recovery. But still have bad days. I think some of that has been the loss of an imagined future. Feeling I'd chosen sensibly. Allowing myself to really feel. And then it was all lost. My insecurities bubbled right back to the surface.

Be kind to yourself. Spend time with friends.

I'm not sure I'd advise seeing him and sleeping with him. What will have changed if you do that? Does he know what he wants?

He doesn't know what he wants. He is surviving. Just. He wants me to socialise with him and sleep with him. He said he loves me. He's a mess. Aaargh.

Yes that was my ideal man. But I chat go back to that.

@Peanuthedz just don't let him mess with your head while he figures out what he wants.

An old iron I went on a date with in June before I joined thread tried to match with me on Bumble. (I have the free trial of bumble so can see who swiped right) I suppose he was too drunk to remember our date. He turned up an hour and a half late, steaming drunk, talked and shouted at over drinks while waiting for our meal then shouted 'will you tone down your right wing views and fuck a lefty' then stormed out leaving me with the bill. Couldn't swipe left fast enough, seems I'm not that memorable after all or just that good looking he was blindsided by my beauty. I can fool myself into thinking the latter

@Peanuthedz so that everything you have now without any commitment? Agree with @Sunshineandflipflops don't let him mess you about.

@Dancerinthemoonlight do you live in London and is he Scottish? Sounds a bit like one of my pre thread irons.

Yeah I know @Notcoolmum and @Sunshineandflipflops. It's not even that. It's like he's booming the relationship but still wants me.

Binning. Not booming. Or even bumming,

@Peanuthedz no and no but it sounds like there is a lot of them around. Really sorry to hear about you and Mr U. It's really hard to judge recovery time. I'm just over my ex who I split up with in February and saw Mr Carribbean in that time and went on a lot of bad dates. I thought I'd never get over Mr Carribbean but then something clicked in my head about a week after he ended it. Just take your time and when it feels right go for it. We are all hear for you.

@Peanuthedz in so sorry to hear your update. It's no solace really to go through it knowing it's an unsuitable long term match. The heart doesnt really GAF what the head thinks. I cant remeber what this bench me and some others are sitting on is called anymore, but it's got wine and junk food x

My update. Mr perfect still lives hundreds of miles away. Mr sailor is off sailing for a month but still texts hundreds a day. I'm cooling that down a bit now. Theres a limit to initial banter excitement. I dont know how ill feel about him till I see him again I think. And I'm not swiping. This is less a choice than just sheer can't be arsed. Still not sure what it is I want and saltysally's safe advice is ringing in my ears.....you kinda need to know what you want