Dating thread 172: from developing a rhino hind to finding love in the unusual places...the rollercoaster of dating!

[CodLiverOil556]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

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Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item. 😘

I remember with Mr Cath Fach we ended up on the back seat of his car on the first date, it's always been like that 😂

Chemistry with Mr G has always been like that, too. First date took about two hours from meeting him to sleeping with him. Lucky for me, we get along in a lot of other ways to. Unlucky for me, he lives in another country. Blah.

LDRs are hard @MoreNiceCereal.

There's always been loads of chemistry with MrSG too. Ridiculous amounts of it. I held out on the first date but there was no way we were not DTD on the second. We went for dinner and then decided that we should go home because we weren't going to be able to be appropriate in any public place.

But plenty of people have had experiences where their desire for someone grew as they got to know them. It can happen.

More it sucks, such a shame for you. LDR are in deed very difficult.

Cath Fach and I do get on well in lots of ways too, I think it's purely his life stage atm, it's one of those right person wrong timing things I think. Ah well, such is life.

I'd probably have a good time with Mr Hendricks like that too, and I'm giving it a go... It's obviously different to with Mr Cath Fach who I'm really comfortable with now. Although we had that very quickly. Still won't let him have the lights on fully though 😂

Thanks for the commiserations. I'm mostly ok with it, I think if we lived nearby I'd probably jump into the deep end with him and go too fast, so his physical distance keeps me grounded. This is my first relationship since splitting with my ex of 20 years, I'm not counting fwb! So it's probably just what I need. That's my logical side saying that anyway!

More enjoy it for what it is, it's quite nice not having them in your face all the time I think. I definitely need my own space as well.

Well I have Friday night with Mr Cath Fach all planned out 😉

Hi All
I haven't been contributing to threads recently, but have been following everyone's progress. I normally only come here when I need a hand hold or a head wobble. And here I am again!
This is a long tale, so be prepared! I was in touch with a guy from the elite singles site earlier in the summer and we got on really well. I liked him but for other reasons (me being an idiot at the time over someone else) we didn't get to meet up. I texted him afterwards and apologised and said if he wanted to get in touch again that would be lovely. I didn't get a reply and didn't really blame him.
Roll on 3 months .. he texted me out of the blue. Asked if I was still single and if we could get back in touch. I was delighted and we've been in constant touch over the past 4 weeks - lots of texts and phone calls. Really good conversations - I gave him a potted history of my disastrous OLD experiences and he shared some of his. He promised me he would not mess me about .... see where this is going!
We've both been busy the last few weeks and didn't get to meet (we live 2 hours apart), and so had arranged to meet this Sunday. I was really looking forward to seeing him.
Reader .. he has disappeared. We were texting Saturday evening and I said I'd call him when I got home - he was fine with that. When I called it went straight through to voicemail and I've heard nothing since. I texted on Saturday and Sunday night and left a voicemail yesterday .... nothing!
I feel completely and utterly crushed - I cannot believe I've been taken in again by another man who has spent weeks chatting to me, sharing stories, contacting me constantly (not the other way around - apart from this weekend I probably only called him 2/3 times in total) and then disappearing off the face of the earth. What is wrong with these people? I know I over invested, but it was really hard not to!
I've deleted my profile from all apps - I can't go through this again and need to take a rest. I'm just not sure what to do here - I know I should just walk away but I'm still in a state of utter confusion.
Sorry for the looonnnnng post - I needed to get some of this out!

trustmygut what a horrible thing to happen. No wonder you are confused and hurt.
I would want to know why he has done that. But it doesn't sound like you're going to get any answers.

One possibility - he's lost his phone? That's why it keeps going to voicemail.

Thanks @Echoelephant - it went to voicemail on Saturday evening, but it rang normally yesterday. I could see that my text from Saturday was read yesterday, so phone is definitely working.
I'm more annoyed at myself for being taken in - I can't believe how naieve I am in my dating life - I'm so tough everywhere else!! My confidence and self esteem have been totally shattered by OLD - it's been one ghosting after another!

That's horrible! So sorry he did this to you, @trustmygut.

Thank you @MoreNiceCereal, OLD is definitely a jungle! I live in the west of Ireland so the pot of available men is so small - maybe I should consider moving!!!!

Sorry to hear you've been messed around trustmygut - I dont know what is wrong with these people and how they can be so callous and just not have any balls 😡 I may still be bitter having recently done on me after seeing a guy for 6 weeks 😡

That's awful @Neverexpected2 - what a coward! I would be livid if I were you!

I've been doing old for a year now having come out of a 21 year relationship where exdh cheated on me. I've come to expect the worst and if people prove me wrong it's a bonus but so far on old nobody has proven me wrong 🤷‍♀️

@trustmygut Just seen your update. That is a really shit thing to do.
Remember this is on him. You've done nothing wrong.

I've recently had a similar experience. But I managed to confront him in person and let him know exactly how ghosting me made me feel.

And I agree with Neverexpected2. Nothing surprises me on OLD any more. I don't trust anyone on there any more because of past bad experiences.

Having joined the thread I was meaning to keep up and post but have had a stupidly busy week & unwell mum..
I am so sorry to hear that’s happened to you trustmygut and *neverexpected2’, that’s really shitty behaviour.
I am going on a date tonight with someone from Match...I’ll call him Mr Car, and another on Saturday-Mr Music. Also chatting to 3 others..thankfully I’m not in work this week.
I’ve just been advised what to wear by my 15 year old & her friend and am feeling quite nervous...

I've been lurking and reading, and wondering whether to post.

I'm in the final stages of getting divorced, but still sorting finances and child arrangements. I was married (or with) exH for 20 years, and he finally moved out 6 months ago. Part of me feels like it's way too soon to be dating, but another part of me really wants to. So I started OLD, and after a few bad first dates (and being stood up) I have now been dating someone for about 2 months. The only thing is that with distance and me having my children all the time (except EOW) it's really hard to meet up.

Also, as you might guess from my name, I have Aspergers which makes dating a minefield because I am very bad with body language and interpreting the indirect communication from language. I am also fairly awful at working out how to communicate what I'm thinking and feeling.

My main question to you all is, how do I bring this up? I am worried about getting things wrong and messing up. I've already touched on the fact that I can go on at length about things I'm interested in and bore people - so to let me know if I'm doing that. How do I bring up things like having currently no idea what he's thinking in terms of wanting things to become physical (so far it hasn't, really, except one good night kiss).

I'm learning a lot from the thread already, so I will keep on lurking and trying to work out where things are going for me. Is it ok to just bring it up and try to have a direct conversation?

Good luck undecidedsofa, look forward to hearing how you get on

@aspiedating I'd just say it, plainly. "I don't do non verbal cues, can you work with me on that?" but then we're an ASD aware household due to 9 year old very verbal but no nonverbal cues or social awareness unless practiced and prompted/scripted. I've been called blunt myself 😂

Best of Luck @Undecidedsofa! Despite my setbacks, I'm a hopeless optimist and believe there is someone good out there for everyone!

@trustmygut agree with others, very shitty thing to do. I find some people just like the chat/ego thing but obviously when you had set a date, he panicked. Loser. It's not on you at all, there are normal people out there.

@trustmygut that sucks. It's why it's better to meet quickly rather than chat for weeks.

Elite singles? Blimey. I don't think I'd be allowed on there...

So yeah I got back on the horse. I got tired of feeling down. Things were never going to last with mr U. We had a lovely time but it had to end sometime. And I'm quite relieved not to be someone's sounding board. And to keep soaking up his stress and misery. So I've accidentally got a date tomorrow. I went on happn I think I mentioned. I've liked literally 3 people and was very sporadically messaging one in a jaded and uninterested way but we have some shared history and we both got interested and it quickly spiralled into a date. Even though I wasn't that fussed but he asked. Then we swapped SM this evening and dear god he's completely up my street. Plus he's bloody gorgeous. I've gone from feeling vaguely irritated by having to go out on a winter evening to fretting in advance about what the hell to wear as he has a particular style which isn't that dissimilar to mine. He's in fact possibly the most suitable date I've had. In fact I'll call him mr suitable. 😁 so yeah. Two weeks of grieving, 3 days of being on the floor. That's ok, that's doable for a 9 month relationship. And although it's a bit soon I keep thinking about @Sunshineandflipflops and @KermitRulesOK who got straight back in there.

Oh and I'm not chatting to any others. I cannot he bothered with wasting entire evenings chatting to random strangers. If we don't fancy each other I'll take a gentle stroll round London and collect a few more happeners and selectively pick one or two.

@Peanuthedz Good for you!
Yes, I did get straight back in there and he is on his way over right now. He's paid £40 to get here on the train to spend 10 hours with me before he gets the train back in the morning to work 😊

Whoo hoo @Peanuthedz! Well, date night tonight and MrM will be here in 30 mins! Am so bloody excited!