Today I am going to be told about his new woman

[MedusaMomma]

I feel so desperately sad right now. I had been with my current partner for 15 years. We were happy, he was a good man. We didn't really argue majorly and he told me he loved me everyday. He recently turned 40 and he changed. We have a son together and i recently had a termination that i regret because he flipped out when he found out I was pregnant and left me that day. He never went out because he was such a family man and he spent all his time with us. Since he left our son who is autistic has become with drawn. He wouldnt tell me where he was staying until last sunday when he told me he was sleeping on a female friend from works sofa... Yeahi know what your thinking. I desperately wanted for us to work on being there for our son and he came home for a few days then again he text me saying he wasn't coming home. He also blocked my calls. I just can't cope. I know there is something going on and yesterday i flipped and found a way to message him and i yold him he needed to be there for his son. He texted me this morning to say he needs to talk. I am still blocked. I can't cope anymore. I have no friends or family. I can't cope with the hurt and betrayal, caring for my son and the loss of the child i should havd kept. I feel so desperate and don't know what to do. I don't know how im going to cope when he calls to tell me he is with this woman. I just feel so bad

What a scumbag.
You will cope. Hope you get good advice. [Flowers]

So sorry your going through this.
You need to concentrate on you and your son not you p.
You both need to talk and discuss the future.
Reading between the lines I expect your relationship is over.
Sorry about how your feeling about the baby but it will pass and you must stop beating yourself up.
Tbh I think you are better of without him.
Best wishes to you and your ds.

Im just scared because I'm on my own. Im not eating or sleeping and i feel like its a dream. We were talking about getting married and its just unreal. I just can't do anything but feel sick to my stomach.

You stay strong!! Hold your head up high and keep putting one foot infront of the other. You have nothing to hang your head in shame about he does. This is a hard time but just keep to your routine, don't overthink, what will be will be and you will get through this you will not die from this xx

I'm really sorry he's done this. Absolutely unfair on you and it's not your fault. I know how horrific it is to know your ex is with someone else and that crushing devastation you feel.
Get good advice on finances and concentrate on the future for you and your son. I know it's so hard to just get by each hour and it's easier said than done but you will feel better when you know to go forward with everything non relationship wise.

I hope the chat goes ok. x

I have to wait till 8pm before he calls. I know what hes going to say. I asked him out right so many times and he said nothing is going on they are just friends. He also said he has been staying on someone else's sofa. I don't even know these people. He always said he didn't get along with the people from work and had been looking and applying for new jobs. We have a joint bank account and he said he will still pay the rent and all the bills. It just seems zo unreal to me. Hes acting so cold which is so unlike him. Last time he saw his son he hardly interacted with him and he usually is such a good dad. My sons birthday is next week and I just don't want to face him. How am i supposed to put on the happy face knowing he's doing what hes going. I keep thinking about Christmas and all those things. It literally was just the two of us that made all this special for our boy. I don't know if I can do it by myself. I dont see why i have to do all the donkey work and he can turn up when it suits him and leave after an hour

Your emotions are going to be in turmoil and you are going to need a lot of support.
I would go to the G.P and see if they can refer you for counselling, you can self refer but it takes more time.
I would look into financial side of things, seeing a solicitor or look at any benefits you can claim.
Are you in any support groups for your little one with Autism?
I would start backing off with the contact, he has treated you so badly. Sounds like he's having a midlife crisis.
Go low contact for the sake of your son.
Start healing yourself, you have been through a lot. You need lots of love and hugs.Dont blame yourself for the termination, you were under a lot of stress.
Concentrate on you and your son.
Let him have his midlife crisis, but you will remain strong and dignified. He has shown his true colours and you deserve so much more.

You have a joint bank account, take all the money out incase! What a nob he is being, coward.

Wait to see what he has to say.

I know everyone else has already told you whats going on even though they don't know you or him. Perhaps he is with her perhaps he isn't. You said he flipped when he found you were pregnant again, sounds like something has deeply affected him. The idea of being a dad again may be too much. I know men aren't allowed MH issues especially if it affects others but sounds as if somethings not right with him.

OMG, this was my exact scenario, inc. the abortion about 20yrs ago.

I don't have a crystal ball for you OP but I can tell you that in my case, yes there was another woman (work colleague).
Ex left and I had to carry on and cope. Honestly? It was shit initially and I lost about 3 stone and looked anorexic for a while but....within about 6 months, things slowly began to improve and 2 years later I met my DH, quite by accident.
We now have a child together and I really couldn't be happier.

I occasionally think about what the baby might have been like but I'm perfectly ok with it now and it doesn't floor me anymore.

Also, when ex discovered I was seeing someone else, he tried to get back with me saying it was all a dreadful mistake. Sure it was.

Tough titties to him. I had happily moved on and didn't need him in my life.
Ex is with someone else now but he always looks miserable when I see him.

I don't know if I can do it by myself
Stop thinking like this OP.
You absolutely WILL cope.
You absolutely CAN do it by yourself.
We all think the same but we all get there.
It is unfair - we are left to do 95% of all the work with the DC and they swan in and behave like Disney Dad for 10 minutes and fuck off again.
We have to deal with the fallout. We have to deal with the tears and the tantrums.
It does get better OP - I promise.

You do NOT have to put on a happy face for anyone - other than your DS.
You plan something nice for your DS birthday next week and your disgusting, lying, cheating Ex can plan his own thing another day with him.
He does NOT get included in your family time any more.
Don't allow that.
It will mess with your head and confuse your DS.

You now need to be strong - well.... you need to fake it at least.
No begging. No doing the 'pick me dance'.
Disengage, get some distance, cold superiority.
Only discuss your DS and access.
He doesn't get to know about you and your life.
Come across as independent right now.
You don't need him.
Being needy and clingy and whiney right now, will just put him off further.

Do you have any family or friends around?
If you do then please reach out to them.
Sooner rather than later.
Keeping it a secret kills you from the inside out (trust me - I know)
Family and friends will get you through this so do not put off telling them (just in case - blah blah blah)
He's made his decision.
Accept it and do what you need to do for YOU!!!!

I know its sounds strange but i don't have anyone. I just dropped my little one of at nursery and hes hitting and running away. Stuff he has NEVER done before. It makes me so infuriated because I can't even leave this house any longer by myself to do anything. Im just so angry right now and absolutely devastated

Hi OP, please listen to what @hellsbellsmelons said!

You must be going through hell right now and nothing anyone says will make you feel better. All you can do is put one foot in front of the other and get through each day. You will get through this because you have a son to focus on and he needs you right now.

Hard as it will be, you need to cut him off and don't let him swan in and out whenever he fancies. He is putting you through hell so do not let him decide he's made a mistake, because he will do this again. If you can, tell him straight away that you want to sort out proper access arrangements and maintenance. Get the finances in order and let him see that you are strong and independent (even if you're faking it).

He is NOT a family man because if he was, he would not have flipped out at your pregnancy. He has behaved like a disgusting human being and you don't need that in your life

He flipped out because of money and because he didn't want another child that may have problems. I wish i had just followed my heart. I had to go on my own miles away to a clinic and finish the treatment at home by myself. Ive never felt so alone as I have been. I used to have a good job, I had a good body and took care of myself. I had such a difficult pregnancy that i was sick all the time and from 6 months i couldn't walk. I piled on the weight and I have struggled to get rid of it. Im 41 now. I do try to make myself look nice but my priority was always my son. We were together through such hard times and he had always supported me and was always there for me. The house im in is in such a state because we had water problems and the floor was giving way. He started sorting all that a few weeks ago and it just looks a mess and because I can't do anything about it its going to get worse and im just feeling like its absolutely everything at once.i used to have a beautiful home and family. And no every aspect of my life is a total mess

Not that you truly want to but actually you don't have to do 'all the donkey work'. Pack a bag and next time he shows up,you leave. He can take care of your little one for a few days.

Anyways, make sure you take out your contributions to the joint account (or more if you like) as you cannot rely on his word to keep paying your rent.

I'm sorry but it does sound like he has been seeing someone at work and the news of another baby has made him realise he wants the affair woman. Basically, he lacks a shred of moral fibre.

Hes just text again saying he will call me at 4.i can't reply because im blocked. I just feel like ive spent the past 15 years with a man i dont know. He can't even talk to me face to face it seems. I just want to hurt him the way he is hurting me and I know there isn't anything I can do.

So he is allowed to contact you but you cannot contact him?? sod that. I'd block him too which will force him to have to come round and face you in person. If he is such a good Dad he will want contact with his son.

I just want to know whats going on. I've not eaten or slept in days through worry. Once I know, I know and if he has left me after all this time to be with someone else he will be blocked and I will start being a bitch because my son needs routine and I know he won't do it. He used to read him to sleep every night and since he left he hasn't wanted to have stories and I can see he's sad. When he came back for two nights he read him stories and he was happier now he's back to being sad. I can't explain it to him because he doesn't understand. I have to see him get upset while he isn't here. I tried to tell him that his son needed him and thats why he blocked me because I was using our son as a weapon
I just can't win

Take the wind out of his sails by pre-empting him... and do it with aplomb.

Tell him you already know about his other woman and that whatever love and respect you once had for him has been destroyed by this knowledge.

Tell him your ds is struggling to process his df's absence and that his contact with his son must take place outside of your home to avoid further confusing him.

Tell him you expect him to have ds every other weekend from early evening Friday to Monday morning and one overnight stay in the week, say Wednesday early evening till Thursday morning.

Tell him that you will celebrate ds's birthday on the day and he can make arrangements for his celebration the following day or other date.

Tell him that in future ds will have two celebrations for events such as Christmas, birthdays etc and that school/nursery holiday care will be equally shared between you.

Don't rant and don't beg. Be sure to sound unemotional and detached and do your utmost to give an Oscar winning performance - you can go to pieces after the conversation but on no account should you let him know that you are anything other than in control of this situation.

Don't give his ego the satisfaction of having two women fight over him; the fact that you don't intend to be brought into the fray will astound him and it could be that the shock will make him realise what an utter fool he's being - don't hold your breath for this awakening as it may take some time to permeate his dense brain.

You sound so very down and, while this is understandable, please know that when you are emotionally on the floor the only way is up and you WILL rise again.

Am I correct in assuming that you're not married to this callous piece of work? Is the tenancy of your rented home in joint names and why isn't the landlord making good the damage caused by water ingress?

Get an old cushion. Draw his face on it or pin a photo of him to it.
Jump on the cushion, punch it, stab it, and don't stop till it's utterly destroyed. Find another cushion or pillow tomorrow and rinse an repeat until your anger has left you.

NEVER openly reveal your rage to him. There will opportunity aplenty to discomfit him, but in the meantime draw comfort from revenge being a dish best served cold.

I will never ever let my son stay with him overnight. Thats simply not going to happen ever. Ive already told him i know what hes doing. I grew up around scum bag men thats how I can smell a rat. Even though he bloked me i messaged him another way so he knew i knew what he was doing. My house is rented from a dodgy cash in hand landlord who wpuld kick me out before doing anywork. It was my exs fault about the water damage and he left it to long to sort it out

Hes texting again asking if its ok to ring me at 4.....I'm absolutely terrified of what I'm going to hear..... I gotta look after my boy through all this and i feel like im breaking

I said for what he is going to say he should be telling me face to face and he text saying he will leave it till later then. Im heartbroken

You definitely are strong enough to deal with this OP, however much you feel like you aren’t. I second the PP saying pin a picture of his face to a pillow and beat it up

Text back (if able) 'we have a son that needs routine so we need to work something out asap. No 'later', either get over here and explain yourself so we can sort this out or font bother coming back and we can sort contact out through a lawyer.'.