Do I tell the husband about his wife?

[Bailey500]

Two weeks ago I found out my partner was cheating... its hit me very hard because we went through so much to be together and built the most incredible house/life together... Then a 25 year old instagram model came along... (im 34) We dont have children but were going to start trying in january, we are trying to patch things up slowly and my feelings are changing daily so not really sure what will happen. But have a burning desire to tell her husband, I have suffered so much and just think its unfair that he doesn't know and that she just gets away with being so reckless! Should I tell him?!

[timshelthechoice]

I'd have already told him. I'd have told him first thing. I'd want to know, wouldn't you? It's not fair on him. He deserves to have the same choice you do, to walk away from a cheating partner. Plus, his health might be at risk as his partner has not been monogamous.

[PaulHollywoodsleftbollockhair]

I would still let him know just in case this is a story she has concocted to stop you from telling her husband.If he confirms her account then you have even more to think about re trust issues and your marriage.

[Billben]

Most people will tell you not to. Keep your dignity and take the high road. But I fucking would. In a heartbeat.

Yep, so would I. And I wouldn’t feel an ounce of guilt about it either. It’s horrible when you are being lied to and everybody around you knows.

[ElizaDee]

It's probably a lie. Tell him anyway.

[WhenPushComesToShove]

Yes tell him

[Zoflorabore]

I wouldn’t be so quick to believe her op.

Do you know who he is?

[CacenCrunch]

The update is probably lies in the hope that you don't tell him. I still would

[Gemma1971]

I really do not understand people recommending you don't tell him.

This poor man has been done over by his scumbag partner and deserves to know she is leading a double life.

How on earth can it be better for him NOT to know? Is it ever better not to know? It's like burying your head in the sand while a hurricane is ripping your house apart. He deserves to know, he IS part of it all. She is his partner and she is cheating on him.

It is the MORAL thing to do.

[combatbarbie]

I wouldn't believe her either, but I'd certainly word it to her DH that you know they are now seperated....

[Bailey500]

My DH told her we had split, along with a load of other lies. She is actually recently separated so her DH isnt in the equation. Things have really done a 360. He made out it was a very casual thing and he was actually telling her to look at properties for them to live in... she is very hurt also.
Turns out he is a pathological lair and I don't know him very well

[Gemma1971]

Shit.

Possible this is also lies too though.. they are both liars after all.....

[Miniloso]

OP, do not listen to any more of his lies and get him gone. He will do this again, absolutely no doubt and in the meantime your life will be a living hell of anxiety and no trust.

[ISawyouinTescoyesterday]

Tell him anonymously.

[ThumbWitchesAbroad]

Then he needs to go, Bailey.

He's lied to her, he's lied to you, he's lied to you again because he told you it was one thing and it was something else - there's not much to salvage here.

Be grateful you don't have children yet - clean break, he can go and fuck someone else's life up now.

[saraclara]

There is always the possibility that she's lying to you. If he's hurt her too, she might well be paying him back here.

[saraclara]

Ah. I cross posted with @Gemma1971

[RamIt]

@AddictedProcrastinatorMan

I think if you polled every betrayed spouse on this forum, you'd get an +80% response that they would want to be told and were actually grateful that someone had the courage or spite in this case to tell them.

Look at how he's referred to even on this forum 'poor soul' and 'poor man'. Where's the dignity in that position? No one wants to be pitied and what is sometimes worse is the shame, humiliation and feeling stupid that the wronged party feels because everyone else knew. I know what medicine I would rather take.


Esther Perel's stance on affairs and monogamy is bullshit. I've coughed up phlegm more insightful than that crap she spouts though.

[Bailey500]

Nah she's not lying. he's come clean.... I said give it up, no more lies. He's now begging me not to leave. The fog has finally lifted over my brain from all the torment and confusion he has caused me the last few months

[user1479305498]

Yep, I think she should tell him . Let her get her knickers in a twist and feel sick . Your H by the way lost any right to demand how you deal with this . He wil probably be more worried he’s going to get some bloke wanting to knock his lights out

[Bumbags]

Read the thread @user1479305498


Sorry OP.
He sounds horrible.
Get rid and move on.

[Yadid]

Did she just message this back to you now?

[BumbleBeee69]

christ, imagine the OW giving you clarity... well done OP, you're in a better place today I think.

[Witchinaditch]

What are your motivations for telling him? To hurt her or so that he knows what she’s like? He may already know, as hard as it is maybe just try and move on with your life and take the high road. So sorry this has happened.

[Rachelover60]

Greyhound22
Tell him and ditch your cheating DH whilst your still young enough to find someone else to have your children with.

He will do it again OP thanks
...........
Quite agree.

[Witchinaditch]

Sorry just read updates! Ignore my post. So so so sorry he has done this to you. Wherever you go from here I wish you the best