Do I tell the husband about his wife?

[Bailey500]

Two weeks ago I found out my partner was cheating... its hit me very hard because we went through so much to be together and built the most incredible house/life together... Then a 25 year old instagram model came along... (im 34) We dont have children but were going to start trying in january, we are trying to patch things up slowly and my feelings are changing daily so not really sure what will happen. But have a burning desire to tell her husband, I have suffered so much and just think its unfair that he doesn't know and that she just gets away with being so reckless! Should I tell him?!

[Melmam]

I would 100% tell him. Hope your ok op

[booboo24]

I completely agree it needs doing as nicely as possible (ie give enough away that he believes you but no glory details). Remember this may be a total shock to him too x

[Greyhound22]

Tell him and ditch your cheating DH whilst your still young enough to find someone else to have your children with.

He will do it again OP

[Minionmomma]

Wouldn’t you want to know? As awful as it is, aren’t you better off knowing than not? That way you’re not living a lie.

[BlueEyedBengal]

She's going behind his back trying to get away with it he does need to know as she's braking the trust he has in her so let him know before it goes on for longer than it needs to

[81Byerley]

All you people saying "Tell him", are not thinking about the poor man who hasn't actually done anything wrong, besides being married to a cheat. The problem is with her, not him.
What would you hope to gain from telling him? If you need to punish someone, it should be the couple who have caused you such hurt. If you can't get past this wish to hurt her, then tell her you are thinking of telling her partner. The uncertainty wouldn't be easy for her to deal with.

[hellsbellsmelons]

making him the only person out of the 4 who has not caused an pain.
Yeah - making him the only person out of the 4 who will come across a schmuck when everyone else knows and he is the last to know.
The only one out of the 4 who has no idea that his partner is a liar and a cheat.
The only one of the 4 who will have no clue, go on and have a family and then find out she's done it again and then ruin all the kids lives as well.
It's really not the way to go.
He deserves to know.
Poor bloke. He can make the right decision for him once he knows the facts.
Don't let him be the last to know.
It's fucking horrendous.

[RamIt]

You risk achieving revenge at the expense of this guy, making him the only person out of the 4 who has not caused an pain.

He's the only one out of the four who still believes his marriage means something. Ignorance is NOT bliss, he deserves to know.

However, providing him with undeniable proof is the best option, then he can make the decision for himself.

As for you, no kids? Run, run for the freaking hills. It doesn't get better, you don't get over it, it's always there.

Most people stay for the kids, they white knuckle through the years either hoping the cheating fucker will die young or divorce once the kids are older.

[Bailey500]

OMG I FEEL SICK, I JUST MESSAGED HER SAYING " ARE YOU GOING TO TELL YOUR HUSBAND OR AM I?"

[loutypips]

Hmmm i would want to tell him, but I'd be worried that he might not believe or turn nasty.

[AzraiL]

I would tell him. He's innocent, yes - but I wouldn't choose to let him live with someone who had cheated on him if I knew the truth. He deserves better.

Then I'd give husband the boot, because so do you.

[SeigneurLapindeGrantham]

Without a doubt I would tell him and I don't think it would be in the least spiteful to do so. I know if I was in his position I'd want to know.

[strawberryslushy]

Tell him

[Gemma1971]

It's not about revenge. The poor soul has no idea he has been cheated on - or maybe he knows something is up or off and he is trying to put two and two together and you tell him and he has has the missing piece of the jigsaw.

I would want to know, definitely. He is living a lie. She may be sleeping with other men... and putting him at risk. You are doing him a favour by telling him. He is in the dark, poor soul. What he chooses to do with that information is up to him.

[WizardOfAus]

Well that escalated quickly.

[betrayedandwobbly]

I was told about STBX's affair by the OW's DH.

He was the only person in the whole sorry mess who had the decency to tell me, and thus let me decide what sort of future I wanted. Not just be lied to be absolutely everyone.

('My' OW was someone who I thought was a friend. I can assure that being the last to know is hell. And the longer you let someone remain that way, the worse it gets)

[PerfectPeony2]

Yes, 100% tell him.

[olivetreelane]

Op, seriously if your DH has done this to you before you've had children then I wouldn't be the only person to say you'll be watching his every move when you're pregnant and coo'ing over your newborn when he has a track record of cheating on you.

I know you say he's doing all the right things too but it's been 14 days!

Did he tell you out of guilt or did you find out?

Yes I would tell the husband too. I believe that anyone who is being cheated on has the right to know, if possible, so they can make their own decision to leave.

[Beerincomechampagnetastes]

Yes yes yes
Tell tell tell

Poor bastard.

Hope you’re ok op

It’s good that you gave ow the option. Remember you didn’t do this, your cheating dh and ow did.

[ElizaDee]

I have suffered so much and just think its unfair that he doesn't know and that she just gets away with being so reckless! Should I tell him?!

Yes. He deserves to know the truth. And she deserves to have her life fucked up too.

[hellsbellsmelons]

Well done OP.
It would be better coming from her but if you don't hear back then give her a deadline.
Make sure you have proof as well, as a PP has said.

It really is awful not knowing.
Knowing in your gut something is wrong but not being able to prove it.
Feeling like you are going insane and you've no idea why.
Unless you've been in this position you cannot possibly know what it feels like to 'know' but not know, and then when you do know, knowing everyone else knew and didn't have the decency to tell you..... Well it's fucking nauseating. Trust me!

[Yoyoyo912]

Has she replied?

[combatbarbie]

Oh OP you've just given her the head start to make you look like a nut case spreading rumours. Id have gone direct to him.

[hellsbellsmelons]

Oh and you'll get a panicked phone call any minute from your DH pleading with you not to tell him.
He's protecting her.
He's still invested.
Don't let him talk you round on this one.
Tell him that he deserves to know that his 'D'W is a liar and cheat and you won't allow him to go on oblivious to this fact!

[combatbarbie]

Or she will massively mimimise, ie it was just a kiss, a drink, i felt sorry for him yaddy yaddy yada