Do I tell the husband about his wife?

[Bailey500]

Two weeks ago I found out my partner was cheating... its hit me very hard because we went through so much to be together and built the most incredible house/life together... Then a 25 year old instagram model came along... (im 34) We dont have children but were going to start trying in january, we are trying to patch things up slowly and my feelings are changing daily so not really sure what will happen. But have a burning desire to tell her husband, I have suffered so much and just think its unfair that he doesn't know and that she just gets away with being so reckless! Should I tell him?!

[Collision]

Oh @SherbetSaucer

Why don’t you read the thread? 🤷🏼‍♀️

[SherbetSaucer]

I would tell her and then I would instantly off-load him! Don’t have a child with him, it will end in tears!

[combatbarbie]

I've no doubt she has been hurt but you only have to look at the other thread running to see how batshit some people can be about lying to get out of a hole

[MrsNotNice]

BentlyandPalmers

Spectacularly

[BentlyandPalmers]

Oh I seem to have missed four crucial hours of thread 😁

[BentlyandPalmers]

I would tell him and anyone else she knows that you can get to. Can you put it on her Instagram page? Is that legal?

Then I’d walk out.

[Bailey500]

@combatbarbie he finally came clean and admitted it all. She also said I could contact her ex if I wanted to as their split has been amicable. She is a very genuine nice person who has also been hurt at the hands of this monster...

[combatbarbie]

How do you know that though, she could just be feeding you so you don't tell. I don't doubt he's spun her lies too though

[Bailey500]

@ConcreteUnderpants Oh and she was actually separated from her husband so there was no need to tell him in the end

[Bailey500]

@ConcreteUnderpants it turned out he had lied to her also, he had said he was single, getting divorced and wanted to be with her... he told me she knew all about me and that she was a man chasing home wrecker... He had played a lot of things down and after speaking to her I realised the true extent of everything. Yeah things took many different turns after my original post!

[Miniloso]

@ConcreteUnderpants

Unnecessary and pointless comment.

[ConcreteUnderpants]

Im confused.
At 2pm you were trying to work things out with your partner, by 6pm you've become BFF's with his mistress and going to end it with partner.
Is that right or have a missed a week or so of updates?

[hellsbellsmelons]

being told I was paranoid
That is the worst bit.
THEY are fucking around and you are going insane and they make out you are even more insane which sends you crazy.
Something I was trying to get across to someone in a previous post about telling people.
You literally 'lose your mind' 'go crazy'
Then the fog clears and hey - you were right all along!

[ScreamingLadySutch]

@Bailey get him to live with his parents, and then fill the house with lodgers.

Whack the rent into your mortgage to reduce it. You also get tax relief on rentals.

[Bailey500]

Thanks @jingsmahbucket after weeks of thinking I was going mad and being told I was paranoid I finally have my beautiful intelligent mind back!

[JingsMahBucket]

@Bailey500

I am not ready to move out or him move out, I feel the sudden change will make me do something I regret... like ask him back because im lonely and miss him...
I feel fully in control right now and emotionally stable and don’t want to change that.

I’m really glad you wrote this @Bailey500. It shows you’re somewhat in control of your mind and emotions. You don’t have to kick him out now but maybe ask him to move into a separate room in your house so you put physical distance between yourselves. The physical distance will help you create mental distance and mentally detach much more easily. You can’t think straight if you’re still sharing the same bed, bathroom, etc.

If anything ask to move to a different room with all time limit of say 6 weeks to 2 months and then he moves out. That could give you enough transition time to get used to not thinking about his presence, needs/wants, etc.

[hellsbellsmelons]

Also that sort of job probably gives you lots of interaction with people inc. women at their homes etc.
Indeed! Never date an electrician either!!!

[GilbertMarkham]

Im 34, no kids.... can not imagine having to go through dating again and starting all over

You're young.

When you're older you'll realise how young you were. When you're older you'll realise how ridiculous that thinking was. You can date, with a sensible outlook, and find someone.

[GilbertMarkham]

Also that sort of job probably gives you lots of interaction with people inc. women at their homes etc.

[GilbertMarkham]

A gas man? I was expecting some sort of 50 shades style Mr Grey. How has he bagged himself you and an Instagram model?

I've seen men with confidence and a bit of blarney/charm - who are not even conventionally attractive - get women left right and centre.

Besides already having a partner makes sone people very relaxed and confident with the opposite sex, cause they have nothing to lose (unless she finds out and ends the relationship - which they prefer to think she won't, and many times are correct in that). . and nice things to gain in terns of sex with a new person, excitement, ego boost, fun etc.

[GilbertMarkham]

*put

[EL8888]

Personally l would. I would want to know if my husband / wife was cheating on me

[GilbertMarkham]

Turn your anger onto him.

He's the one who owed you loyalty. She did not.

I wouldn't be having kids with this man, no way. If you knowingly have kids with a cheater, you could well be back on here (like the other women who ignored infidelity and other things) in the future in a worse position. You could meet a guy who doesn't cheat on his (long-term?) partner and have kids with him.

I have a toddler and having a child has out more strain and stress on our very long-term relationship than I ever would've believed possible .. how do you think hes going to behave if that's what he does when you don't have all that responsibility and stress and potential for arguments and resentments.

24 year old Instagram model "came along" - you make it sound so passive on his behalf. It wasn't.

Who's going to "come along" next?

[Kaddm]

Don’t have kids with this man whatever you do. Once you have kids you will be in a much worse position. I know the house and dog complicate things, but not even a fraction of how much children do. Seriously get rid and don’t let him ruin your life.

[Bailey500]

I am not ready to move out or him move out, I feel the sudden change will make me do something I regret... like ask him back because im lonely and miss him...
I feel fully in control right now and emotionally stable and don’t want to change that.