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Original poster

Are there any truly decent men out there?

318 replies

LemonFritz · 02/09/2019 13:25

I thought I had an amazing husband, minor flaws and human, but wonderful. Turns out he is not.

Are there any truly decent men out there who are considerate, genuinely view women as equals in all ways and are not porn addicts?

OP posts:
Missillusioned · 02/09/2019 13:28

Not many no. And the ones that are, aren't single.

Herocomplex · 02/09/2019 13:29

Ah Lemon that’s miserable, you sound as if you’ve been let down.

Is there anyway back for you as a couple or is it the end?

Have these 💐 from me x

NewMe2019 · 02/09/2019 13:33

Yes. He's taken I'm afraid. DP shows me nothing but kindness and respect at all times. I know I'm truely his equal and he would do anything for me and would put my needs first. I do the same for him. From what I've seen, DP's friends are similar.

My ex is a decent man as well. Just not suitable for me.

Sorry someone you thought was decent turned out not to be.

Orangepearl · 02/09/2019 13:38

No. My opinion of then has got worse the older I have got.

So many say ooo my husband is wonderful and they are all glowy and gushy and then they announce they are splitting a few year later as they’ve been swapped for an identical younger model.

Sexnotgender · 02/09/2019 13:38

Yes, but he’s mine so you can’t have him!

hellsbellsmelons · 02/09/2019 13:40

I'm sure there are..... somewhere.
I've never found one though and have given up all hope of doing so.
Happy and single and very happy to stay that way!

JollyAndBright · 02/09/2019 13:40

There definitely are, my DP is a pita sometimes but he’s a genuinely decent, wonderful man and I wouldn’t change him.

Zaphodsotherhead · 02/09/2019 13:41

It depends what you want.

Some women want a steady, reliable, non-exciting man who will always be around but this kind often lacks initiative and the ability to surprise.

Some women want a man who's exciting and spontaneous and fun, but they can be hard to live with on a day to day basis and often forget to pay the bills on time.

Some women just want a man who's nice to look at!

Every person has their good features and their bad, the trick is to pick one who complements your good and bad. And even those ones are prone to running off with younger models, so...

NabooThatsWho · 02/09/2019 13:41

I don’t think there are many.
So many are selfish, sexist, lazy around the house, uncaring, sex pests, untrustworthy .....

Yes, there are some men out there that would be a brilliant partner, but unfortunately they are snapped up quickly.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a man hater. I have plenty of male friends. I just don’t think many men are willing to put the effort into their romantic relationships.

ButterflyOne1 · 02/09/2019 13:46

Absolutely there are, my DP is one of them.

He has so much respect for me as do I for him. We're a partnership and equals despite our differences in some respects (eg I earn way more than him however he is amazing at DIY and does most of the cooking).

I'm sorry your husband turned out to be a pig but don't rule all men out.

SistersOfMerci · 02/09/2019 13:46

I think I have one of the good ones, he's not perfect but then neither am I.

We did meet and marry in our 40's though so we already had a very good idea about what our relationship boundaries were and what we would and would not accept.

We both do stuff around the house, he does most of the cooking, we have separate bank accounts and I have my own income.

I did have two previous though that turned out to be absolute arseholes so I was well versed in shitty male behaviour.

WhatNowDH · 02/09/2019 13:49

Not many, I don’t think. My dh is what I’d consider to be a Good person. But he’s been brought up with incredibly sexist views and can’t seem to even realise that a lot of what he does is indeed disrespectful. I genuinely don’t think he does it maliciously and does try to adapt his behaviour when I call him up on it. He’s a work in progress.

WhatNowDH · 02/09/2019 13:50

Although actually I consider my BIL to be thoroughly good and a real feminist ally.

HeadLikeAFkingOrange · 02/09/2019 14:11

Yes there are, but they have DPs/DWs.

The way it seems, all the kind, caring, considerate men have (of course) been snapped up, and what's left on the shelf is why I'm staying single.

Sorry, probably not what you wanted to hear OP! Grin

SlightlyMisplacedSingleDad · 02/09/2019 14:31

No, of course not. There are also no decent women. Or [insert further prejudices of your choice]

WalksWithDinosaurs · 02/09/2019 14:32

A question I ask myself frequently!! and so far- the few that do exist are already taken, and by usually lovely people!!

not what I you probably were hoping for OP!!! I'm sorry! but hopefully we will both find a good one eventually!!!

user1479305498 · 02/09/2019 14:45

Oh and some of the relatively considerate, kind ones can well be porn addicts too. I know from experience. Finding the combination of all of it along with no interest in porn and solvent and decent looking is like the holy grail. One of my friends who has a lovely long term partner says that she absolutely will not ever look at his phone, computer etc because it’s guaranteed to ‘break the spell’ and mentally ruin it for her. . She’s probably right.

ShatnersWig · 02/09/2019 14:47

Of course there are. Otherwise, as a man, I would take your statement rather personally to heart.

I had a girlfriend treat me like shit once. Did I assume all women were evil? Of course not.

PennyPittstop · 02/09/2019 15:13

I don't think the perfect man or woman exists. It's more a case of finding someone who you find attractive enough to want sex with who has similar values and wants from life to you for you to get along well with most of the time. Did I mention that I don't think the perfect relationship exists either? Every relationship will always need to be worked at in some way. We all have flaws, it's more a case of working out what flaws you can accept in your partner and which are deal breakers for you.

Animum2 · 02/09/2019 15:17

Mine is lovely, he loves to cook and we mutually share the household jobs, he's also very loving and like to make sure I'm ok and obviously vice versa Smile

whysonice · 02/09/2019 15:22

Sorry mine also taken! Must be a few single ones lurking around though 💗 xx

Heatherjayne1972 · 02/09/2019 15:48

If anyone finds a single one
Send him my way

Reallynowdear · 02/09/2019 15:52

There doesn't seem to be many.

crappyday2018 · 02/09/2019 15:56

You only have to read this forum to know the answer! I'm sure there are some decent guys but, it depends on what you consider decent.

I'm sure some of the posters on here gushing about their wonderful partners/husbands may have different boundaries to other people so never assume anyone has a perfect relationship. What they consider 'amazing' might be different to yours.

I have a jaded view sadly as I've had no luck with finding one. I don't think that means you should give up though.

And before the men start moaning, yes we are well aware there is probably a shortage of decent women too but that isn't what the OP asked!

Mytimeoneday · 02/09/2019 16:05

I sometimes wonder this but the decent blokes i know have been with partners for 20 years or so, and maybe lack in other ways like not great with money etc. The other is with a really beautiful, partner and he clearly puts her on a pedastal after waiting years to be with her. They have a great life. I could only dream of someone like their partners!