Are there any truly decent men out there?

[LemonFritz]

I thought I had an amazing husband, minor flaws and human, but wonderful. Turns out he is not.

Are there any truly decent men out there who are considerate, genuinely view women as equals in all ways and are not porn addicts?

I'm not naive about that Fandabby, I do think there are men who aren't interested in having their heads turned though.

It’s so interesting. Both the single females & single males in my friendship group, say exactly the same thing.

Personally i think at lot of humans are bloody awful full stop. Lots of posts here relating to infidelity yet there are a great many posts on MN by women saying that know of lots of women who are unfaithful. 2 of my 3 sisters were unfaithful to their husbands. Way more posts about narcissistic mothers than fathers etc

I’ve met of lots of women who are bloody awful and loads of men to.

I've had one really shite partner. The 3 other serious ones have all been genuinely wonderful people, including my husband. All three could/can drive me mad but as far as being respectful/feminist/hard working/loving they were amazing. It's really awful to assume all men are shits deep down, you know they're people like us don't you??

I've just ended it with a guy who I know will be some woman's idea of the perfect decent man. He's loyal, decent, hardworking, solvent, would no more be unfaithful than he would fly to the moon, good in bed, kind...

He's just thick as a brick and thinks knowing nothing is a good thing, and lacks any form of emotional intelligence. For a woman who never wants a conversation of any depth whatsoever, or a hug or a cuddle that doesn't have sex writ large all over it...he's perfect.

Mine is decent. He was single for ages because he's a shortarse and got filtered out of searches on OLD sites. I snapped him up, I know a good thing when I see it ;-)

Define "decent".

@LemonFritz yep there are and I'm very happily married.

So as baseline decent ...
Not a cheating type
Not abusive
Doesn’t have wanking death grip
Is generous (shares his chips, I’m not talking sugar daddy)
Doesn’t have an overbearing mother
Has a bit of intelligence
Likes a bit of culture
No substance addiction issues
No serious ex issues
No serious financial issues

That was for Peter the painter who asked someone to define decent

Well I have managed to find a decent one but he’s by no means perfect. He doesn’t watch porn at all. He works hard. Isn’t interested in other women. Is great in bed. But he can be a bit snappy and stroppy and I wish he was interested in exercising lol.

I think the issue here is people just have different expectations and standards. You only have to read an edition of Take a Break and some women shows a pic of their ‘amazing ‘ partner and he looks thick as a brick, like at some point he would knock seven shades of shit out of you, and to me is bloody gross, now I’m not knocking it as this women finds him amazing , so good for her,— but I just know that he wouldn’t be ok for me, even if he was kind, not into porn and respected women. It’s a very fine balancing act of lots of aspects

gorris I'd need and have more than a bit of intelligence and culture. I need to be able to discuss relevant issues with someone eho has an in-depth awareness, not a gcse in current affairs or whatever it may be. I need someone who wants to go to the theatre, someone who understands literature.

So my idea of a good man will differ from others. Your other things on the list go without saying.

Same @sistersofmerci
But I think that’s why I’m single 😂
So I’m just giving the bare bones of acceptable to illustrate that even if I compromised to the bottom level, I still can’t find all of these qualities existing simultaneously in a real living man

For 24 years I thought I had one of the good ones. I think he thought he was one of the good ones too. Turns out we were both wrong

That’s sad graffitiqueen .
Devastating isn’t it.

@gorrisandhorace unbelievably devastating. Can't see how I can trust anyone ever again. Thought I knew him. How naive.

Graffitiqueen it’s the worst

for you too gorris. Agree with everything you and fandabby have said on here.

Yes, I married him 42 years ago!

I have an amazing one.

Bur there are very few around

SistersofMerci - I thought I could put up with lack of intelligence for a while, and it wasn't too bad as we never really talked about anything at any depth anyway (because of lack of emotional intelligence). It was the almost pride in not knowing! I'd mention the English Civil War and he'd say 'never heard of it', and not really care.

Everyone has their cut off point. Not so much lack of knowing, but no interest in finding out or learning more is clearly mine!

I think the issue here is people just have different expectations and standards. You only have to read an edition of Take a Break and some women shows a pic of their ‘amazing ‘ partner and he looks thick as a brick, like at some point he would knock seven shades of shit out of you, and to me is bloody gross

I was in a waiting room last week and picked up an old copy of Take a Break (couldn't resist). Story after story of women talking about their gorgeous partners.

Beauty is definitely in the eye of the beholder.

No one is perfect. It really comes down to what imperfections you are prepared to put up with

The ones still around in their 30s and 40s though, yes, probably something wrong with them.

I’m not sure this is true really. There are lots of reasons why people are single in their 30s or 40s. Some of them are nightmares, but lots of them are not.

It’s perfectly possible to meet a totally shit in your late teens or twenties and find yourself single when you’ve realised there’s no hope of it ever working out/you being anything other than miserable. Would that mean there’s something wrong with you?

My fiancé came out of a 14 year relationship amicably at 38. Nothing wrong with him or his former partner they had just grown apart. He then stayed single for a year and we met and eight years later we are very happy 👌