Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To confess to an affair?

236 replies

Charly108 · 30/08/2019 08:22

Need some straight up opinions. Do you confess to an affair? Yes or no? Any experience?

If your partner suspects already (no solid evidence) but the affair is officially over, sex involved, feelings involved. 6 months. You name it Sad

Since March this year.

Shall I just leave it?

OP posts:
Bubsworth · 30/08/2019 08:23

Confess. Your DH has a right to make an informed decision on who he is spending his life with.

HennyPennyHorror · 30/08/2019 08:24

I'd leave the relationship if I'd felt compelled to shag someone else.

How can you live with that??

AloeVeraLynn · 30/08/2019 08:24

No you dont leave it. You tell the truth and deal with the consequences.

HennyPennyHorror · 30/08/2019 08:24

Bub she doesn't say it's her DH. Might be her partner.

envelopeofpubes · 30/08/2019 08:26

Your partner deserves better than you. Tell them and let them get on with their life without you in it.

Original poster
Charly108 · 30/08/2019 08:26

No DH.

Thanks all .. Thanks

OP posts:
ShatnersWig · 30/08/2019 08:26

Leave your partner but tell him why you are leaving him, that you no longer love him and you realised this when you found yourself with another man's dick inside you.

Or at least tell him you've slept with someone else repeatedly so that he can make the decision of whether to stay with you and/or to go and get himself tested for STIs.

Both of those sound the fair and decent thing to do. If you can manage a bit of decency towards someone you supposedly love(d), as you've failed on that front since March this year.

Original poster
Charly108 · 30/08/2019 08:27

@envelopeofpubes that's easy to say pubes.... WinkGrin

However my partner wouldn't leave me.. I know he'd beg for me back. If it's anyone leaving it would have to be me to do the right thing. I just know it.

What a mess....

OP posts:
HennyPennyHorror · 30/08/2019 08:29

Well since it's all so one sided why bother even worrying about it.

welliesarefuntowear · 30/08/2019 08:29

If he already suspects then you have to tell him. Anything less is gaslighting and cruel. I know, I've been in your partners shoes.

herculepoirot2 · 30/08/2019 08:30

You seem to be in a good mood. Hmm

Should you come clean? Well, yes, probably - a 6 month affair is a terrible thing to do to another person and he deserves the right to make a decision in possession of all the facts.

MaMaMaMySharona · 30/08/2019 08:31

I don't think you're going to get many people on here telling you to keep it to yourself. The fact you're even questioning it shows that you're feeling guilty.

Original poster
Charly108 · 30/08/2019 08:33

@ShatnersWig thank you... I love the way you put it but how else can you put it... Sadit was unprotected as well. That's why I need to tell him...

Thanks for the comments need to hear them.

I never would have thought 5 years ago this would of happened.

If you've slept with someone else not your partner or DH it's a blur...

OP posts:
herculepoirot2 · 30/08/2019 08:34

If you've slept with someone else not your partner or DH it's a blur...

Probably easiest to think of it that way. It helps you to avoid taking personal responsibility for lying, betraying your partner and putting them at risk of serious STIs.

Grim.

Original poster
Charly108 · 30/08/2019 08:34

@herculepoirot2 I promise I'm far from
a good mood. Ive only just brought myself up from the past few weeks as I have been so low.

OP posts:
Original poster
Charly108 · 30/08/2019 08:35

@MaMaMaMySharona I've read on other boards, google and opinions of others that it's best not to share the pain or guilt unless absolutely necessary.

I am pulled in 2 directions. If it's over it's over. My hearts telling me to come clean. I just wanted others opinions that's all.

OP posts:
MashedSpud · 30/08/2019 08:35

You don’t love your partner. Maybe you feel you do but you don’t if you had a six month long affair.

You need to think about what’s best for you both. You both deserve people you love and he doesn’t deserve the deception.

ShatnersWig · 30/08/2019 08:36

it was unprotected as well. That's why I need to tell him...

So why the fuck are you here asking whether you should tell him? Not only did you cheat on him but you've potentially risked his health too?

ShatnersWig · 30/08/2019 08:37

Putting aside things like marriage vows, love and basic decency of course it's absolutely necessary - you might have given him something! FFS

Bubsworth · 30/08/2019 08:38

Oh wow unprotected as well?!

Wrong on so many levels. But you don't even seem remorseful on your comments.

Amanduh · 30/08/2019 08:39

Well boo fricking hoo. It’s been so hard for YOU, cheating on DP and possibly infecting them with all sorts. Just lovely.

Blueoasis · 30/08/2019 08:39

However my partner wouldn't leave me.. I know he'd beg for me back. If it's anyone leaving it would have to be me to do the right thing. I just know it.

How do you know? Maybe he doesn't want a cheater for a partner. Maybe that's why he wants to know as he suspects it so that he can find someone loyal, and probably not to make the mistake of marrying you if he was planning to?

Tell him. He deserves to know. You had sex with another man, unprotected as well. Tell him, if only for his health so he can get checked.

PicsInRed · 30/08/2019 08:40

You have to tell him as he suspects and he deserves not to think he's going crazy.

jesuschristwtf · 30/08/2019 08:41

Look - I’m not going to tell you how awful you’ve been - you’re going to get it in spades on this post and you know how you’ve been toward your partner is low.

Do the right thing - tell him and walk away. Sort yourself out.

Coffeeandchocolate9 · 30/08/2019 08:42

..... you ARE of course, already booked to go get STI tested, yes?