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Original poster

To confess to an affair?

236 replies

Charly108 · 30/08/2019 08:22

Need some straight up opinions. Do you confess to an affair? Yes or no? Any experience?

If your partner suspects already (no solid evidence) but the affair is officially over, sex involved, feelings involved. 6 months. You name it Sad

Since March this year.

Shall I just leave it?

OP posts:
Worrynot1 · 03/09/2019 10:37

Affairs happenits a fact of life. if you can partition your life you will be fine. If it eats you up then confess and face the consequences which are usually devastating.

Banangana · 03/09/2019 12:52

I think advising that someone keeps an affair secret if their partner is happy and non the wiser is one thing. I disagree but I can see why people keep quite in those circumstances.

But where the cheater has been sloppy and the partner suspects I think it's reprehensible to actively encourage the gaslighting of the innocent party.

Hadjab · 03/09/2019 13:11

So we can’t judge? Are we also not supposed to judge rapists or paedophiles, who no doubt use the same justification for their actions? Because we haven’t been in their situation and it’s ok because they got a thrill out of it!?

For fuck’s sake, comparing the OP to a rapist or paedophile is fucking pathetic, you utter twat.

Hollanda40 · 03/09/2019 13:30

I guess my point is I realised things weren't ok and I was actually very close to cheating. I made that decision there and then to cut all contact with potential OM and I'm so glad I did.

Reading this thread put everything into perspective for me and it isn't worth it.

sleepynewmumxo · 03/09/2019 15:19

Affairs change people. My husbands infidelity has changed me, I've turned into a guarded cold person now.

Hollanda40 · 03/09/2019 15:35

I learnt maybe too late that you don't have to sleep with the person. When I started feeling guilty for spending more time with him than I should, that's a slippery slope tostart. I'm glad I ended things.

ScreamingLadySutch · 03/09/2019 18:28

Notice that the people who found out about their spouses affairs, are when the person got caught????

Then is the terrible pain. You are changed forever. It is the most traumatic thing that has ever happened to me (I caught him after years of lies). It breaks something.

Its over, don't tell. Don't break him for nothing.

But don't string him along, either commit to being with him, or leave. You are so young!

Purpleartichoke · 03/09/2019 18:30

Even if the sex was protected, your partner now needs STD testing. You have to inform your partner of the risk you caused.

Hollanda40 · 03/09/2019 19:25

OP you need to get tested. And if you're clear then leave your current relationship but don't tell him. If you're not, you have to tell him.

RJoneszy · 29/09/2019 15:58

@Charly108 I've just sat and read the whole thread...

I don't understand the 'DH' comments, you aren't married as you've said. It's terrible to do something like this DH or DP, doesn't matter. But I really hope you have told your DP and gotten a test.

I understand the 'thrill' but the pain it will probably cause everyone else. You will re-think that thrill if you knew, trust me. I don't know if my comments will help but just do the right thing....

RJoneszy · 29/09/2019 15:59

Agree with @Worrynot1 the consequences are devastating x

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