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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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To confess to an affair?

236 replies

Charly108 · 30/08/2019 08:22

Need some straight up opinions. Do you confess to an affair? Yes or no? Any experience?

If your partner suspects already (no solid evidence) but the affair is officially over, sex involved, feelings involved. 6 months. You name it Sad

Since March this year.

Shall I just leave it?

OP posts:
SerenDippitty · 30/08/2019 08:45

@MaMaMaMySharona I've read on other boards, google and opinions of others that it's best not to share the pain or guilt unless absolutely necessary.

That’s probably true if the partner/DH suspects nothing, there is no chance of them finding out and no chance of an STI. This is not the case here.

MamaBee3 · 30/08/2019 08:46

Would you want to know if it was the other way round? Especially if you suspected it.

Charly108 · 30/08/2019 08:47

@ShatnersWig I get that, I really do.

I know it's a grim situation, I really really do. I know I will probably get stick for saying this but please do not judge me as a bad person unless you have been in this sort of situation. It's horrible. I felt like I was going mad for those 6 months.

Mind pulled in 2 different directions on what to do. I do not want to put him through the pain of knowing- from what I have read it could potentially make things worse by putting him through that sort of pain but I know he deserves to know Sad

I wouldn't wish this feeling on my worse enemy.

I will probably get stick through this whole thread.

OP posts:
Charly108 · 30/08/2019 08:47

@MamaBee3 yes I would Sad

OP posts:
GinDaddy · 30/08/2019 08:47

I wrote this on the Paul Hollywood thread but feel it has some relevance here -

OP, you are going to be judged horribly on this thread because we seem to be stuck in a Victorian hangover of morality in this country. We love black and white tales where the other woman is the “harlot”, the partner is the “wronged person who can do no wrong”, etc. It’s why so many Daily Mail stories about celebrity separations get tons of hits.

But the reality is, it takes a very certain and clear individual to walk away from some relationships. Not everyone goes “I am not fulfilled here, so I will walk into singledom with confidence”. Often we don’t realise that we don’t truly want our current partner until we meet someone else. This is not me advocating immorality; I’m stating plain fact.

I think there’s more going on than whether you should tell him. You claim “he’d have you back in an instant” ; is there a power dynamic here which means you feel contempt for him, and his sympathetic understanding of you, enough to cheat? Does he fill your emotional landscape, or is he a “rock” for you to hang your life on, yet you remain otherwise unfulfilled?

Telling him gives him power which is important here. Cheated people deserve self determination. But if he says he won’t leave you, that’s not the end of it.

Ask yourself what cheating filled in your life (no not that, I mean emotionally).

Ask yourself whether the risk of unprotected sex was part of it. The thrill of closeness and reckless abandon with another. The “I don’t care about anything or anyone” feeling.

There’s so much going on here, but all I can say is I wish you well, good luck with everything, and hope you can find your emotional path. Flowers

Charly108 · 30/08/2019 08:48

@Coffeeandchocolate9 I will be doing that next week, yes. I have tried the online tests that get sent to your house but they don't bloody deliver to my area!! Sad would have preferred that.

OP posts:
ChocolateCakeAndRainbows · 30/08/2019 08:49

You sound very self centered. Every time you met that mna for 6 months you made a conscious decision to carry this on longer. You out yourself and your entire family in this situation and all you can say is how awful its been for you. Get a grip.

herculepoirot2 · 30/08/2019 08:50

I know it's a grim situation, I really really do. I know I will probably get stick for saying this but please do not judge me as a bad person unless you have been in this sort of situation. It's horrible. I felt like I was going mad for those 6 months.

It isn’t a grim “situation”. What you have done is a terrible thing. If that is “judgement”, then it is.

GinDaddy · 30/08/2019 08:50

@Charly108

The online tests are fine but it feels like avoidance of reality.

Go to a clinic in person, and do it (get your results) before you speak to him - there’s no need to dangle an extra dimension of uncertainty in this, unless you’re deliberately trying to hurt him.

ShatnersWig · 30/08/2019 08:51

Please don't be one of those people that on getting their tests results and discover they are 'clean' decide they no longer need to tell their partner.

Charly108 · 30/08/2019 08:51

Thank you so much @GinDaddy ...

This sounds awful so forgive me- the thrill of unprotected sex with someone you shouldn't and the sex you shouldn't be having is a thrill I can't even describe.

Anyone who has been in my situation would get that... I am not proud of this at all.

OP posts:
HelloCanYouHearMe · 30/08/2019 08:51

I kept it quiet, but ended the relationship with my DP and then OM

I have no idea what OM did, other than there had been conversations between him and his DW about the state of their marriage.

They are still together so I can only assume that she doesnt know.

Charly108 · 30/08/2019 08:53

@ChocolateCakeAndRainbows I don't mean to be self centred but yes it is a self centred thing. It's also selfish to cheat, it's such a selfish thing as you aren't thinking about the other person. I really felt like I was in a bubble for 6 months.

I am booked in for my test next week at my local GP

OP posts:
PooWillyBumBum · 30/08/2019 08:59

You need to tell him about the unprotected sex. Even if you come back “clean” you could’ve still transmitted something.

Be honest, OP. Turn this - and yourself - around.

Myriade · 30/08/2019 09:00

Several questions you need to ask yourself

1- what do YOU want? To carry on with your current DP and build a solid relationship with him or was the affair about the fact you don’t actually want an ever after life with him?

2- you say your DP suspects something. What do you mean? Is it suspecting = I’m totally sure about that but have no concrete proof or is it suspecting = might an inkling, feels a bit insecure but feels huge to YOU because of your own guilt/fear if been found.

3- why do YOU want to tell him? Is it because it will be for his own benefits t or are you actually driven by your own needs. Need to try and calm that guilt down, unable to look at yourself in the mirror etc...

I think the first question is essential. If you dint know if you want to stay in that relationship or not, you are going to find it extremely hard to know what to do

herculepoirot2 · 30/08/2019 09:01

This sounds awful so forgive me- the thrill of unprotected sex with someone you shouldn't and the sex you shouldn't be having is a thrill I can't even describe.

Sick in my mouth. Little bit.

WitsEnding · 30/08/2019 09:03

Tell him, he already suspects and deserves to know he sensed correctly.

Don't understand previous comment, how could you have transmitted something if you test negative? Might you have spontaneously recovered?

GinDaddy · 30/08/2019 09:03

Hi @Charly108 thanks for your reply. I have been in your situation and I get that. It nearly lost me everything.

Can I share my experience please, not as some explaining judgy thing but more because it is on topic?

I had a rough childhood at times. My dad walked out. I spent my whole teens and adult life afraid of commitment and love. I too loved that feeling you described above, of feeling wanted and the thrill of the illicit.

However my girlfriend didn’t sign up to that. They didn’t sign up to a life which said “use me as a rock and secure focal point, while you explore everything else you need to emotionally fulfil you.” That wasn’t in the agreement.

You can enjoy these things all you want, and I never ever judge. But in the end you can’t run from yourself, and that other person, your partner, will be there, looking at you, trying to understand the void between you, the secret you won’t share. Or they’ll have no idea, and carry on regardless not understanding why you’re irritated with them, or distant, or whatever.

It just makes for a wholly unsatisfying life as I find it. I can’t say enough how much true inner fulfilment, whether it be health, psychotherapy, or just finding the right partner - all these are preferable, and more sustainable than the thrill of the above

Good luck and go well

MashedSpud · 30/08/2019 09:03

What ended the affair?

Did he decide to stay with his wife?

WitsEnding · 30/08/2019 09:04

...I wouldn't walk out if you both want to stay together though, can't see how that benefits anyone.

MamaBee3 · 30/08/2019 09:05

@Charly108 well then I think you know what to do. You will look like a dick no matter what but will be a lot worse if they found out from someone else further down the line.

Myriade · 30/08/2019 09:05

Btw regardless of whether you decide to stay or not, to tell him or not, I would have counselling to have a look at the relationship and what was driving you to seek someone else.

I agree with @GinDaddy, things are never as simple as ‘you made your choice’ and having a better understanding of the dynamics of your relationship as well as how you feel about your DP and the OM etc... will help you move forward.

GinDaddy · 30/08/2019 09:05

@herculepoirot2

Is that going to help the OP? Or did it make you feel better...

Charly108 · 30/08/2019 09:06

Thank you so much @GinDaddy

OP posts:
wildcherries · 30/08/2019 09:07

the thrill of unprotected sex with someone you shouldn't and the sex you shouldn't be having is a thrill I can't even describe.

The above is beyond juvenile. Get a divorce if you want to chase a thrill. Jesus.

You should definitely tell your DH. He deserves to have the chance to find out about his health and about who he's really married to.