Dating thread 168: The things you choose to ignore/tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

[Ginmel]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you. 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

Reason, Season, or Lifetime

People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.
When you figure out which one it is,
you will know what to do for each person.

When someone is in your life for a REASON,
it is usually to meet a need you have expressed.
They have come to assist you through a difficulty;
to provide you with guidance and support;
to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually.
They may seem like a godsend, and they are.
They are there for the reason you need them to be.

Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time,
this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.
Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away.
Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.
What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done.
The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.

Some people come into your life for a SEASON,
because your turn has come to share, grow or learn.
They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.
They may teach you something you have never done.
They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.
Believe it. It is real. But only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons;
things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.
Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person,
and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.
It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

— Unknown

If anyone gets blepharitis I can recommend the following

1. Eye heat pad
2. massaging
3. cleaning eyes with diluted Johnson baby shampoo

Ignore the expensive blepharitisotions.
Have never had this before. It has 3 days to resolve itself. (date with Mr U on Saturday)

Blepharitis solutions

@notcoolmum The only sense I can make of it, which might apply to your situation too, is that it is tied to the feeling of not being ready, more than it is tied to yours and his suitabilities. When you are not ready, for whatever reason, the person you are not ready for becomes an issue for you and that runs interference over the underlying attraction.

I do accept it entirely, and will get on with things and carry forward all those good things that happened to me.

That's the way @hairy

Sorry you’re hurting hairy

Good call with the message sunshine

So I havnt heard from Mr Suit since 6pm yesterday. We had agreed 7.30pm tonight but hadn’t agreed where. Do I message him? I’m not massively feeling it so don’t want to chase really but know I need to get back out there

@marlbs You really don't sound interested in him and I don't think it's that nice for anyone to see someone just for the purposes of getting back out there. I'd cancel.

I’m so sorry Hairy

@Marlboroandmalbec34 This happened to me the other night, i didn't message and stayed home. He was waiting for me at the bar, so don't assume that because he's not messaging in the run-up that he won't actually turn up

@hairyarsedman I'm so sorry, that really sucks. 3 months do seem to be the stage where it goes tits up if it's not going to work out long term.

MissH and I are done. She's not in a good place right now, lots of stress in her life which she is unwilling or incapable of letting me get close enough to support her.
Since I got back her moods have been up and down like a yo-yo, and after she came round briefly last night and may as well not have bothered, I told her I was changing my plans and going out with my mates for my birthday tomorrow instead. She said it was probably a good idea as she's in a shit mood.
I've suggested she take some time for herself and talk to me when she's in a better place. I'll be here for her as a friend if she needs me, but that's all until she's in a position to actually let me in and I accept that may be never and/or we may have moved on.
I do still feel sad about it (not like I was a few weeks ago though) because when it was good it was great, but I'm a very open person who wears his heart on his sleeve and I've realised I need somebody similar and MissH isn't that.
So back to the apps again!

supercali he won’t turn up as we haven’t discussed a meeting place.

I think you're right * (as always) I’m not feeling it at all and it’s not just re Mr Big. I’m not finding him that interesting. If he contacts me in the next 30 mins I will go but if not I will cancel!

Ah @Ant330 I'm sorry to hear that but I think you're doing the right thing. I know I wasn't ready to call it a day with MrSAS the first time, despite advice to the contrary but I was ready this time and have found it much easier so hopefully you will too.

Don't hang around for her to change how she communicates because it's unlikely she ever will and you're absolutely right, you need someone who matches your style better.

Happy birthday for tomorrow - hope you still manage to have a great time x

@Ant330 sorry to read that. You gave it the best shot possible and if you hadn't given her that second chance I think you'd have always wondered. No doubt those stunning irons will still be around. Will you contact miss tiny?

@marlbs why wait? Take control of the decision.

Ah Ginmel Blepharitis is the pits. Keep at it with the heat pads!

Happy birthday Ant - sorry to hear your bad news! Also Hairy - I wasn't here for the full story but sad it didn't work out

I've just remembered am supposed to call someone tonight and now I can't cos my daughter is going to be with me all evening and that would be weird. Also he never messages me, just asks me to call so have lost interest!

Bah

Sorry ant

Oh maybe I should just bloody message to confirm and go. I have nowt on and a few days ago I was enjoying messaging him it’s just slowed down a lot!

Ant sorry mate. I think you have made the right, although painful, decision.

@supercali77 just seen your question regarding Mr Bucket...no I haven’t asked him yet about how he sees our situation I’m so worried that the answer won’t be good and I don’t know how I’ll bounce back from that. Lots of rl stress and he’s my one escape from reality every so often. As soon as I ask, we’ll be done.

I’ve asked him if it’s still on. We will see if / what he replied!
Gotta get out there! He might be the man of my dreams, he might cancel and I will go to my friends for a wine, he might say yes but not be right for me but the hot bar manager might ask me out!!! Rolling the dice peeps!

@Ant330 I’m sorry to hear your news. Hope you’re ok.

@FMFL This is where I was at with MrSAS. Too afraid to ask the important questions but left in perpetual uncertainty. Until he ended things anyway

@FMFL please remember rule 12 and 13 love. I know it can be hard, but taking control yourself of the situation will help you in the long run. Xx

Aargh @sunshine yes I know...asking him won’t change the eventual outcome, I’m just delaying the inevitable. Bit like ripping a plaster off. He’s been chatty last few days (mainly sex related though...which isn’t screaming ‘relationship’ to me) and I’ve just been enjoying his attention. I will ask him tonight. I’ve said it now so will do it. Will keep it short and to the point, so I’m not leading him to an answer. Dreading the response

Thanks @lifegoes x

I’m drafting yet another message to him...struggling to keep it short, emotionless but not too sharp. I don’t want to come across as too hard, this question may come out of the blue for him, so do I explain why I’m asking? Or just hit him with it?

@Ant330 I'm sorry it didn't work out with Miss H but at least you have it a second chance and you won't be forever wondering.

@sunshineandflipflops I'm so glad you have met someone you like. I hope it works out.