Dating thread 168: The things you choose to ignore/tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

[Ginmel]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you. 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

Reason, Season, or Lifetime

People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.
When you figure out which one it is,
you will know what to do for each person.

When someone is in your life for a REASON,
it is usually to meet a need you have expressed.
They have come to assist you through a difficulty;
to provide you with guidance and support;
to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually.
They may seem like a godsend, and they are.
They are there for the reason you need them to be.

Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time,
this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.
Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away.
Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.
What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done.
The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.

Some people come into your life for a SEASON,
because your turn has come to share, grow or learn.
They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.
They may teach you something you have never done.
They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.
Believe it. It is real. But only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons;
things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.
Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person,
and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.
It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

— Unknown

Yay @Sunshineandflipflops!! Whoop whoop 🙌

Excellent 1st date then Sunshine 👏

Yeah...I've not met anyone like him before. I wasn't sure how it was going for him as he was quite deadpan and wasn't great with eye contact at times but he is deadpan by nature (in a funny way) and texted me as soon as the date was over to say he was sorry he was so nervous but when I walked towards him, his jaw almost hit the floor

And yes @lifegoes...we certainly have.

Awww that’s so lovely!

Aww @Sunshineandflipflops that's really lovely! Mr Tall frightened the life out of me when we first met...he literally appeared from nowhere!

@kermitrulesok yay for 10 weeks of loveliness!

@shitwithsugaron how are you feeling about him now? I'd take his arseyness when stressed as a massive sign that that will be what he does. If he can't grit his teeth and avoid being an arse when it's new, what is he going to be like later on?

@Marlboroandmalbec34 imo you skills go out with suit. Ring the changes, and sometimes they're easier to get on with in person. Is he the first date since mr big?

@Aleesha1 it does sound as if he's being clear about what he wants. Try not to project on top of that what isn't really there.

(She says, well aware of living in a glass house right now)

@Neverexpected2 same advice to you, don't read into it what isn't there - in your case I think he's keen and if he leaned in for a snog and got a peck, might be feeling a bit silly to have misread the situation. Keep calm and carry on!

@supercali77 I didn't think I'd ever be silly enough to need to read it, but...

@lifegoes yikes that hit a nerve.

@jesuisprest what's going on with your chap?

I think I'm mostly caught up, apologies for anybody i have missed!

Can I ask a bit of a daft question about one of the thread rules? The one about you are the prize, and they should be trying to impress you. I've always kinda struggled with that one. I mean, we are the prize but so too surely are the ones we are dating? So.. we should also be trying to impress them, not just laying back hopeing to be showered with gifts and love notes (and a mix tape for sunshine!) ... ? Is the rule just to remind us that it should go two ways?

I think I must have just dated too many shitty men if so. I'm used to being taken for granted a few weeks or months in. I just think that's normal

@Coffeeandchocolate9 It wasn't me...i've never had a mix tape (but would LOVE one...give me that over flowers any day)!

Thanks for the info about cold sores (and yes, that's what I meant, I reverted to an Americanism there).

I am quite run down and stressed lately, so it's not a huge surprise I've got them, I just felt quite embarrassed telling him. He didn't seem too fussed until I made an off-colour joke about it being a good thing we only kissed on the mouth. I think he then thought about possible complications and it made me feel a bit yuck.

Also I look horrendous now and feel a bit self conscious. Blah.

@Coffeeandchocolate9 I always read that as a two way thing. I think if the person is right then you want to do nice things and treat the other person right. That rule definitely helped me with a couple of my irons.

@coffee I just take 'the prize' to make sure that you don't do all the chasing or compromise who you are. The other person should feel the same and it should be mutual. If it isn't, then there's something missing. My take anyway.

@Ndotto the IRL was only a brief encounter. We're talking 3am in a club (which I'm waaaay to old to be in, but it was first time in about 12 months). We just connected, hardly talked, danced a bit, exchanged numbers and we'll be meeting up later this week hopefully. I only know her name, and the area she lives 🙂. I've not met anyone in a club/pub for about 24 years 😂🙈

I see the "you are prize" @Coffeeandchocolate9 as more don't lose sight of that. Don't become worrying over how they see you, or chasing them for validation. It's more a positivity outlook.

But maybe others see that differently.

@Coffeeandchocolate9 tbh I'm binning him and probably Mr Casual. Both breadcrumbing me in their own ways and it's not enough. Especially after reading everyones positive stories where the bloke is head over heels after the first dates!

@Coffeeandchocolate9 None of us is clever enough to have not been silly at least once ;)

@Marlboroandmalbec34 Honestly after Mr Big I reckon you're gonna have a case of post-climax anti-climax - so everyone's going to sound like a potential waste of time.....maybe just go? He might be better in person (I recognise how unlikely that usually is). I totally get the 'Don't fancy anyone, chat is horseshit' syndrome though.

@Marlboroandmalbec34 I went on a date on Friday with someone and I wasn't really feeling it. Although there was no chemistry, I'm glad I went as it meant that MrSAS wasn't the last person I had been on a date with and I had a nice evening still.

Maybe I'm being a bit negative here about OLD because actually, I don't habitually fancy everyone I meet IRL either! In fact hardly anyone.
Otherwise, I'd just be going around like a female Sid James leering at everyone in the street and at work . So I guess the attraction rate is the same and at least in this case I can cautiously assume they are single!

RickDeckard still impressed! Cannot remember when I last went to a nightclub until 3am!

anyone think it's worth paying for any apps? I have likes on Ok Cupid but wondering whether worth it

Glad it went well @Sunshineandflipflops and I wish you well on the next few dates. I had a similar reaction on every date with MsM&M ...

We had a long talk last night. Won’t divulge stuff that should remain private but my recurring thought today was how much we covered and yet how much there was to go. There was such an enormous sense of loss from both of us. I’m sure it would have made no sense at all for an impartial observer that two people who care deeply about one another with such great connection had ended up in this position. And yet there we were.

I didn’t think I could do justice to any kind of friendship in my current state, but said I will revisit that as time and my feelings move on. I won’t be able to resist or avoid seeing how a bit of her work comes to fruition on Friday, but after that I have to somehow put her out of my mind.

So I’m going to be drinking in The Quandary for the time being, feeling like somehow I just lost something bigger than I’ll ever find again and wondering what to do with myself. I have plenty of personal ambitions and plans to work through and will enjoy the time with my son and I just hope those will erode my sense of loss here.

@HairyArsedMan Jeez i missed that there were any issues going on!!? Sorry to hear that

@Aleesha1 If they like you that much they can send an intro message.....and you can actually read those so. I don't reckon it's worth it

Aleesha1 - On OkCupid they should put the likes in the double take queue eventually. Paying does accelerate everything on most apps, and I think the introductory offers are worth a go so you can get a real view into who the guys are behind the likes. But chances are that if it was anyone you fancied you’d have liked them already and have matched anyway.

@HairyArsedMan yes you are probably right. I've had messages but no one id be interested in.

Sorry to hear about your situation but I'm lost as to why it's fallen apart? You both seem enthralled so what's the issue and can't it be fixed? Good people are hard to find so isn't there a way forward?

@supercali77 Just got the call last week out of the blue that she wasn’t feeling it. Communication hadn’t dropped off, affectionately messaging the evening before, so it came as a huge shock. Agreed to leave some space before talking about it after some shocked messaging; still can’t point to a single flaw in how we related to each other, we did nothing but good for each other when we were together.