Dating thread 168: The things you choose to ignore/tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

[Ginmel]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you. 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

Reason, Season, or Lifetime

People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.
When you figure out which one it is,
you will know what to do for each person.

When someone is in your life for a REASON,
it is usually to meet a need you have expressed.
They have come to assist you through a difficulty;
to provide you with guidance and support;
to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually.
They may seem like a godsend, and they are.
They are there for the reason you need them to be.

Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time,
this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.
Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away.
Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.
What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done.
The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.

Some people come into your life for a SEASON,
because your turn has come to share, grow or learn.
They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.
They may teach you something you have never done.
They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.
Believe it. It is real. But only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons;
things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.
Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person,
and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.
It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

— Unknown

@Aleesha1 doesn't the fact he isn't a nice person help make it an easy decision?

My biggest issue is I don’t fancy anyone on old! Never yet matched with anyone and thought wow! Never swiped anyone either left or right that I have considered massively attractive. Even Mr Big I didn’t find attractive until I go to know him.
I need chat and to know a bit about someone to feel an attraction. Which is pants really as I start convos and then think nah!

Glad Mr B is been better (and obvs that his dc is turning a corner hopefully)

Strongly considering cancelling tonight’s date with Mr Suit. Chats boring me. I am not feeling any attraction. Only really going for something to do and need to start getting over Mr Big

sunshine Yay!

Great update, and a super positive start to the thread. These things certainly seem to go in cycles...

Aleesha I echo what NotCool has said. Two casual things do not equal one proper relationship - particularly if you already know he's not right.

Rick go for it. You are a long time dead...

No update from me. Back to no dates, and no matches, but not down hearted about it.

@Ndotto Not sure when i'm seeing him again at the moment but hopefully soon

@Notcoolmum I guess part of me hopes it's a front but what was that saying, when someone shows you who they are, listen. And it's screaming that he just wants sex and doesn't give a toss about me!

@Marlboroandmalbec34 Aw, I'm exactly the same! I have never had that instant 'WOW' either and it took me a few dates to really fancy MrSAS. Mr Ad is just so my cup of tea in personality and he is nice looking too so I feel a bit like I've struck gold! I swiped on him because I liked his profile (he mentioned music - sold) and he had a really warm face.

@Marlboroandmalbec34 I hear you there. I'm never attracted to someone just by looks. In fact all the men I've dated or had relationships with, it's been about their personality. How well we get on via conversation. So OLD is really hard for me. I can always tell by the first few lines In a convo and then I'm out. I'm more out than in these days.

Morning all. Thanks for the shiny new thread ginmel.

Date with MrSea last night was good. He looks like his photos and we chatted easily. However I'm not sure if hes interested or not 🤷‍♀️ usually on a date i know which ones fancy me as they either say or theres the odd touch of hand, sitting close etc but there was none of that. To be fair the seating arrangement in pub (separate chairs) probably didn't help but there was an option when we went indoors of a bench type seat at one point and he chose a chair again. He dropped me home, didn't come in or anything as had long drive home, but he took his seatbelt off and leant in for a kiss but as I wasnt sure how he felt I just sort of gave him a peck type kiss as would have felt really stupid if I'd gone for a snog and he was merely being polite 🙈

So I texted when in to say lovely night and thanks for lift. Nothing back but knew he was driving. This morning I've woke to my usual "morning xx" text from him. Nothing about last night 🤦‍♀️

If he wanted to see me again I'd like to to see if anything there but not sure where I stand on this one 🤷‍♀️

@Neverexpected2 I think if he messaged this morning then he's probably still interested.
Is he a little shy do you think?

I wouldn't read too much into the bench/seat thing. I think I would find it a bit awkward having a conversation sat to the side of someone, did he sit on a seat opposite you? So he could face you?

Supercali - an admin task is exactly how it feels, you're right! My job entails an absolute ton of being politely interested in people professionally so it comes naturally to me to strike up a conversation online, but I was actually starting to think, 'hang on, I think I've just found myself another unofficial, unpaid job here!'

I'm with Marlboro - I don't fancy anyone online much either, certainly not instantaneously just from a photo (well, maybe three but they were so clearly after hookups it put me off). At my age, so many men look like potatoes that anyone averagely attractive with hair and good teeth, and not 10 years actually older than I am got a match, but after a few messages, I still wasn't feeling we would be more than friends. That isn't to say I might not like them if I met them but I am also very time-poor and a bit ambivalent about the whole thing, so I am really only responding to the ones that have my attention.

My other problem is I have a teenage daughter who is always around (never stays at my ex's) and would be horrified at the thought of me online dating, so it's all rather clandestine and god knows how I am going to meet up with these irons (I also work full time so am busy in the day when she is out)? I certainly won't be telling her about anyone unless it really progresses, so visits to my house are a no unless she's staying at a friend's. Does anyone else have this issue?

I haven't really thought this through have I?

Hugs to Aleesha and Coffee, hope you work things out! Hi to anyone I haven't mentioned, it's so busy on here I'm finding it hard keeping up (and I am meant to be in work now, so should not be online at all...)

Nice new thread, yay!

Feeling a bit shit this morning, unfortunately. I've come up with some massive fever blisters on my lip. It's embarrassing, uncomfortable, and Mr Joker is worried he's caught something from me now. We kissed a lot on Saturday night.

What are the chances he was exposed? Ugh. I feel horrible.

Ok Bumble advice, what's people's views on slow chatting on Bumble. One message yesterday, one today. But seemingly friendly. Was going to delete but got message today. Does that sound weird? I understand if at work but rest of evening?

notreally he sat on chairs next to me at an angle to me so yes we were facing each other.

I like to know where I stand so have messaged to ask if he wants to meet up again at some point or not. That should clear it up 🤣

@MoreNiceCereal By fever blister do you just mean coldsore? Most of the adult population in the west has the coldsore virus, it's just that the majority don't actually 'shed' e.g. have break outs. The chances of him getting it now and suddenly having coldsore outbreaks is rare. Important to note though - the oral virus can be passed to the genitals. It's rare. An ex of mine got coldsores and it was just one of those things that you don't go down on someone if you have an outbreak

Zovirax works like magic on cold sores. I don't have them but my ex flatmate used to swear by it

morenice this is my specialist subject sadly as I got one down below post rape.

From spending lots of time with clinicians, coldsores are something over 80% of the population carries, they can be passed even without an outbreak but more likely during, which is why everyone has them!

The only difference is most people don’t get symptoms unless their immune system is run down (hence getting 1 post rape I probably already carries the virus but just got I’ll/damaged/run down).

Orally everyone has them, genitally if someone has slept with more than 2 people they’ve already been exposed statistically and probably carry it. The virus just lives in us quietly and most people never get a symptom. It’s the stigma that’s the issue rather than the virus.

So your iron honestly already carries it, tell him the facts and if he gets arsey then that’s very telling on him! You can (and I do) take suppressants to make sure you don’t get active coldsores or pass the virus but it isn’t necessary, I only do as I couldn’t handle it due to what I link it to if that makes sense?

Mr Ad has told me he logged out of OLD last night. I know it's early but again, honest and after finding out MrSAS was still on them a few weeks in, I did a little inner 'whoop'!

My ex DH used to suffer badly with coldsores if run down or stressed (which in his job was often) however despite being with him 21 years I never caught one so I'd guess the risk to your iron if you didn't actually have them when kissing him is negligble

Yay! Happy news Sunshine

Great news sunshine 😁

All been there and done that.