Dating thread 168: The things you choose to ignore/tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

[Ginmel]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you. 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

Reason, Season, or Lifetime

People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.
When you figure out which one it is,
you will know what to do for each person.

When someone is in your life for a REASON,
it is usually to meet a need you have expressed.
They have come to assist you through a difficulty;
to provide you with guidance and support;
to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually.
They may seem like a godsend, and they are.
They are there for the reason you need them to be.

Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time,
this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.
Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away.
Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.
What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done.
The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.

Some people come into your life for a SEASON,
because your turn has come to share, grow or learn.
They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.
They may teach you something you have never done.
They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.
Believe it. It is real. But only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons;
things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.
Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person,
and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.
It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

— Unknown

168 is open!

@sunshineandflipflops woohoo! Sounds good!

Thanks for the shiny new fred @ginmel
And pleased to report that the firm boundary doesn't actually appear to have made a difference to the enthusiasm being shown hahaha

Checking in to shiny new thread...hope this one starts more positive than the last! I'll start Mr Tall and I have been seeing each other over 10 weeks and we're still going strong! It's easy and there's no pink/amber/red flags at all. We are matched perfectly and I keep pinching myself!

Good luck to everyone...onwards and upwards!

Thanks ginmel - for everything - and I do have to say I love the way you close threads, always makes me laugh

Sunshine very pleased to hear you had a great evening!

Hello all! This one feels off to a positive start

Thanks all 😊
I've always been ambivalent about people after a first date but I knew I liked this one before we even met.
He's just told me he really likes me!

Calm down Sunshine...calm down.

And thanks for the new thread @Ginmel x

Hello everyone 😊 I've been lurking for a little while... Fairly new to OLD after seperating almost 3 years ago. It's an absolute minefield! So far for me, it's been an odd few people I can have a good chat with, but mostly weirdos... Help!

ginmel great new thread! Thanks for not kicking me 😂 and super duper thread title.

coffee that’s the best thing about this thread. If your not ready your not but we are here regardless.

sunshine happy dancing here for you.

Welcome ticket

I have a good feeling about this thread. We’ve got this dating crew!

Goodnight lovelies 😘

I'm here too. Let's hope this thread is more positive than the last one!

So I start on Ok Cupid today, lots of interest but sods law, my first date post breakup messages me again via there. I found him quite obnoxious when we first met but I kissed him anyway that first day. I think essentially it was sexual tension. However he is clearly only wanting sex from me and we didn't meet again because I realised he had others on the go and was discussing me with them! He messages me today and after an evening of him pursuing me, he wants to meet for drinks this weekend. I won't be having sex but probably another kissing session. Given all the issues with my casual bloke not really giving me what I need, do I go this weekend when it's basically another casual thing?

I have to add, he has been a good distraction despite having 'wrong' tattooed to his forehead

Whoop new thread. I've arranged a 2nd date with Miss MI6, and Miss Eyes... Both I got on really comfortably with and it just felt fun. I did meet someone IRL while out at the weekend with friends. Not planned at all, but there was some serious flirting going on and we exchanged numbers and have been chatting a bit the last few days. I'm calling her Miss Pixie.

Still not 100% sure how I feel about multi dating. But, seeing as it's such a numbers game online, I'm thinking it's going to be similar on the dates too. Although to be fair, I'm not looking for anything serious, unless it's Miss Right. Main thing at the moment is just have fun, and I am the prize (although deep down believe that everyone is 🙂).

Thanks for the thread @Ginmel loving new rule 13. 😉 feel a little honoured it got added in and to the title

Yay! Found you all!

Thanks for the thread. Loving the addition of a new rule. I think you added no 12 too. Another great rule. Also like the reason, season, lifetime. I mentioned it on the thread but never knew there was a poem behind it.

So I'm currently on holiday. Mr B messages every day and has a hotel planned for the weekend when I get back.

After realising I didn't like he thought of him dating or sleeping with other people I've said we need to chat when I get back. If doesn't change him being highly unsuitable long term. But I think if we carry on for a while it would have to be exclusive as I realised I don't share. And it's not nice if I'm multi dating. Worried he might read too much into it so will need to be clear.

I still miss Mr S. it's been almost 3 months since we split now and probably 6 weeks since we broke NC and I accepted it was over over. When does the pain stop? We were only dating for 6 months.

I think I learned a lot of what I do want in a LTR from it. (Most of which Mr B does not offer!). As well as some clear red lines of things I won't accept again. It would just be nice not to hurt anymore.

shitwith I hope everything is Ok. I'd hate to be snapped at like that. Although I can see how stressed he must be. Any news on his son today? X

@Aleesha1 if you have a casual thing that's already not meeting your needs do you want to engage in another? Obnoxious doesn't sound good tbh.

@ginmel cheers for the thread!

@Coffeeandchocolate9 it doesnt suprise me to hear he came on stronger as a result of you stepping back. Have you read the thread bible? 😂 mr unavailable and the fallback girl? I dunno if his issue is general unavailability but some of what you've said rang bells so it might be helpful

@FMFL what happened with mr bucket? Did you send him the message?

I have got an absolutely dreadful cold turning into a chest infection. Gah! Date on friday and reeaaaallly hoping I'm not hacking my lungs up over a soft drink

@Notcoolmum the selfish me likes the attention of someone actively pursuing me (which no one does) but he literally just wants sex. If he were a nicer person, perhaps it would be an easier decision!

Hi all - this thread is so fast! Can barely keep up with you all but it is excellent bedtime reading . And Ginmel i think you are my new hero, I love your 'take me as you find me' attitude. I say this as someone who spent a week choosing a profile pic.

Whatwhen was fuming on your behalf about your London chap, weird behaviour indeed. Hope you have put him out of your mind now. Twunt.

Very happy for you Sunshine. When are you seeing Mr Ad again?

RickDeckard you met someone IRL??? You must he younger than me ... I do not know one real man who is not married - or weird as hell. Does your IRL lady know you do OLD?

Shitwith hope you are ok xxx I agree, sick child situation is the worst but if it were me I would not push away anyone who was trying to be kind. When my mum died I was more hurt by the people who tried to avoid me to 'give me space'. I just felt abandoned and like I should be ashamed of my sadness. It's definitely a case of 'it's not you, it's him'.

Ticket I am also very new to OLD and my experiences are very similar to yours. Am cautiously inching along with a handful of non-weird irons moved over to WhatsApp. I will name them if we progress beyond this weekend.

I am on the verge of deleting POF (hid profile after mere days) and wondering what protocol is for kindly leaving irons I have discounted. Been chatting to a few who seem nice people but I just don't fancy them that much from the pictures and it seems I am shallower than I thought . Do I just disappear or is a polite 'sorry I've decided OLD is not for me' note in order? Then again I don't want to over invest in the few I have left ... one in particular intrigues me but he lives miles away and I have so little free time

@Ndotto I never chat to people I know i wouldn't be attracted to...what's the point really? A simple 'I'm coming off here, take care' should suffice. For any you feel like talking to further...maybe drop them a line and say you're coming off if they want to chat further heres your number for whatsapp?

Tbh I'm of the mind that the strategy of multiple irons (you're not that interested in ) to stop over investment doesnt actually work. I've tried it myself. It just becomes an admin task and I still over invest in those I am interested in

I have to agree with you @supercali77 I also worry that I'll be treating the others like shit as my head will still be invested in the "main one"

@Notcoolmum it just takes time. Each day gets easier. It's also stopping yourself in the thoughts and changing them. If you allow yourself to wallow, it just feels worse.

Bit like the elastic band trick on your wrist. When he comes back into your head, you pull the band so it triggers you to stop. But if you can control it yourself. Even better. Saves the pain on your wrist.

Really trying to push through the barrier of poor conversations and just not my type people on OLD. Spoke to one guy yesterday on POF. Who declared he'd been following me on twitter for years and couldn't believe his luck that he'd found me on POF. I felt a bit stalked so I've just decided to end that convo.