Dating thread 168: The things you choose to ignore/tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

[Ginmel]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you. 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

Reason, Season, or Lifetime

People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.
When you figure out which one it is,
you will know what to do for each person.

When someone is in your life for a REASON,
it is usually to meet a need you have expressed.
They have come to assist you through a difficulty;
to provide you with guidance and support;
to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually.
They may seem like a godsend, and they are.
They are there for the reason you need them to be.

Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time,
this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.
Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away.
Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.
What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done.
The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.

Some people come into your life for a SEASON,
because your turn has come to share, grow or learn.
They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.
They may teach you something you have never done.
They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.
Believe it. It is real. But only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons;
things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.
Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person,
and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.
It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

— Unknown

@Marlboroandmalbec34 Toot toot! Exactly, might not happen, might be pants, might be fun.... Bants if nothing else

@FMFL I was gonna ask if he was in a hot phase and that was why you were second guessing the message. This is how you get hooked. Cycle of cold to hot makes you eventually grateful for crumbs. You cannot get full on that crap, and ime he will go cold again. Which, let's be fair, does not reduce stress at all. Good for you, ask the question. Be willing to walk away. You might not win the man, but you win respect. Better than sex to me these days hah! (It has to be, i'm getting none haha)

Good luck FMFL I’m a bugger for not asking and then regretting it when I do!

Someone tell me to get out of my PJs and laptop and meet MrVintage. I really CBA.

@FMFL 'I'm curious....what is it you're looking for? NSA sex, casual dating, a relationship?'

Something like that?

@WhatWhyWhen get out your PJ's woman! Go meet that man.

@supercali I am looking for a relationship. I think what he’s offering is casual dating/nsa. And yes you’ve hit the nail on the head...he’s blowing hot at the moment...I know it won’t last

@WhatWhyWhen get up and go!

@WhatWhyWhen GOOOOOOOOOO GET READY.

@FMFL I know this feeling you have right now. You want to hang on. Just incase, you want to cling to hope. I've been there. But from both sides. I've been the woman that hung on, it didn't get any better. I ended up Ill with worry and anxiety. Not knowing what I did wrong when he went cold. Happy when he come back strong. In the end it ended horrifically. I hated myself that I didn't end it when I should have.

Fast forward 8 months. I didn't like the way a new guy was treating me, it was causal. But still felt on his terms. Quiet then suddenly hot. I told him straight and walked away. He came back and I took him. 3 weeks later went back to his old ways. So I just blocked and walked off... Why?! Because I've learnt causal or a relationship. I will not allow a man to play games, compromise my standards or mess with my mental health. And if I don't like the way he treats me, I'll either tell him so or just NC. I can honestly say, I feel so much better knowing I took control and said nope. This is my line and I'm not compromising it for anyone.

So I hope that helps a little with why I think it's best you take control xxx

Ok so a little update from the last thread, haven't been online much.

So MrC and I met on Tinder and had an amazing first date, with 3 subsequent good dates. Both seemed equally into each other. He went a bit distance after date 3, we sort of scaled back a bit and I straight up put it to him that maybe it wasn't working etc. He agreed and we agreed to just be friends as genuinely, we get on very very well.

Went round after that and just chilled out. Went over another time and it all sort of got a bit smoochey and stuff (we were both a bit drunk). Cue next day regrets from him.

We met up last night, nothing happened but I just feel weird about it all. I really like him, weirdly he's not my type at all and isn't what I'd consider that attractive from my POV but we just get on so fabulously. We end up texting most nights for hours. He always asks me to meet up (I never suggest). I've told him that I have an attraction to him and he's maintained he's absolutely not ready for anything but doesn't know what will happen in the future. It sounds odd, but I genuinely feel if we kept seeing each other as friends it would end up being very good and we'd get together. I know that sounds unbelievably ignorant and naive but it's the biggest deepest gut feeling I've had for a while.

I'm absolutely happy to be friends, as we get on like a house on fire, but aware that if my feelings develop as we spend time together that I'll have to address them and maybe give some distance. He's okay with that, and understands, which helps, but says he loves spending time with me and always texts me to say how much he's enjoyed it

Consequence is that any OLD I've done (I've had two date since) sort of pale in comparison to how me and MrC are together. I suppose this is natural. Just a bit stuck as to how to proceed 😂

I'm fine to those that asked thank you. I know it was the right but difficult decision, thankfully she understands it's the right decision for her at the moment as well although we are both sad that we've ended up here.
I'm still looking through rose tinted glasses, as it just feels like a difficult time in her life has got in the way of something that felt bloody great at times. However I know I'll look back in the months to come and realise that our communication styles were just too different. I'm looking forward to that realisation arriving.
Sunshine no I won't be hanging around for her to change as it may never happen. I shall be following your lead and hoping for similar success!
Ginmel no I won't be contacting MissTiny again, I think that would be disrespectful.

@Ant330 I didn't mean re dating. If she sees you back on the apps she may well doubt your story. Just thinking from her side.

@HairyArsedMan 🤗 that sounds really painful. 3 month hurdle is awful.
Any- i would contact miss tiny. You were upfront and honest and now things have changed. Don’t want to look back and wonder what if..
@Marlboroandmalbec34 well done. Best to know
@WhatWhyWhen get ready! Answer then loo update
@FMFL honest response is best for you in the long run.
@Ginmel get well soon

@Ant330 Sorry to hear the second attempt fell flat, it’s a shame, such a shame that it didn’t bring forward openness. But as a wise pal once said to me ‘people don’t change much at our age mate’. If you can, enjoy your birthday.

@lifegoes thanks you, your post really resonates with me.

Nige not judging as I have an ex iron I would do just that with given half a chance, but that way madness lies and you will stop yourself meeting someone else just as amazing.

He is firmly in head fuckery territory, I’d tell him you need to not until he’s ready.

Oh and I’m in the bath getting ready you massive bullies

If it’s a disaster it’s all your fault.

@WhatWhyWhen I tend to agree. It's not like he's complimenting me and trying it on with me (quite the opposite) but it's just this deep down feeling I have which I can't shake. And you're right, it's going to prevent me from meeting someone else. I went on a nice date the other day with another guy and he seems lovely but I just can't muster the enthusiasm. Perhaps I need to take a break from it all

Actually further to that I think he's saying he's not ready but is stoking other irons so to speak. There is a lot of online activity. I think it's best I just pull out 😂

nige run like the wind.

I am sat in my dressing gown. Need a kick up the bum to go meet Mr Suit 😁

@Marlboroandmalbec34 Did he confirm?

Marlbororough I’m up dressed and at the meet, if I have to get out of my PJs so do you! Get ready!

Thanks Hairy birthday will be fine, I knew I'd have more fun with my mates than with her if she was still moody 🙄
I know I've said it already but sorry it didn't work out for you as well, sounds like a gut wrenching bolt out of the blue!
Ginmel hadn't crossed my mind that she'd look at my profile again but good point, I'll just word carefully so she knows it's not an underhand attempt for a 2nd chance.

Obligatory loo update...

... I hate you all 😂 I should be home in my PJs!

He’s lovely, funny, good looking AND NOT FROM HERE. He set his profile to be “available” in my local area for a week.

Will report back when I politely escape.

@whatwhywhen noooo....does he live far away?

@Ant330 welcome. It's difficult because she may still be interested and therefore wonder why you haven't asked but equally may want to steer clear. Depending on her initial reply, you could offer to take her out for a drink if she's ever in your area as you clearly gelled but still make sure she knows it's not underhand.

Considering how little she's dated online she may actually still want to meet..