Narcissistic boyfriend

[whattodo12345]

Hi....just wondering if anyone has any experience with this?

I'm a total paranoid wreck but can't seem to get out?

The longer you stay, the more damage you will suffer. Research this topic and leave him.

Get some counselling and read about narcissistic men. As PP said, the longer you stay, the harder it gets and they don't improve.

If it's anything like this... leave. Refuse to walk on eggshells forever.
www.bbc.co.uk/news/stories-49022703

Narcissists aren't capable of having relationships. They have no empathy or ability to feel emotion. Emotions they show aren't real, it's just mimicry they have perfected over the years. Leave. The longer you stay, the worse the damage will be.

You can get out. Lots have before you. The best way is cold turkey, no contact. Delete, block, don’t answer door. Another way is to manipulate your way out of their lives by making yourself boring and inattentive. They only want you as you serve as their narcissistic feed. If you stop listening, crying, reacting, answering, needing them they will get bored and look for another. You only get one life. How much more of it are you going to waste on this fake fucked up twat? Only you know.

Yes and I wasted 3 years of my life ignoring my instincts and the stuff right in front of my face.
I became so confused about who I was as I didn't trust myself/my decisions anymore.
Getting out is hard but you won't regret it long-term.

What's your housing situation - do you live together?

Get away. Get out. He will never, ever change.

YouTube Dr Ramani or Dr Les Carter.

This youtube, especially from 8 mins 50 seconds to 16 minutes? I PROMISE YOU EVERY WORD IS TRUE

Do not get married. Do not get pregnant. Leave him, the pain of leaving and being single is less leaving him than staying.

I am sorry you are going through this.
He will not change. He can't and doesn't want to, never will.
Get out now or he will destroy you.

No we don't live together!

The thing is I keep reading about it and 1 minute I think it's describes him to a T and then the next minute I think no he's not as bad as the articles say!

I broke up with him about 8 weeks ago and omg the lengths he went to to get me back has really made me believe that no one else could ever love me like him....

But all the promises he promised he is already back tracking on....

I really love him and believe no one can make me feel as loved as he does me 😢

Or is this all part of it?

@whattodo12345

You need to get out of the mindset of is he narcissistic / why does he behave how he does etc, and just ask yourself if you feel happy and secure with him.

If not then you don't need an 'official' reason to break up, being unhappy and questioning everything as much as you are is reason enough.

I hope you can walk away and look forward to a future with someone who doesn't lovebomb you, hurt you and then lovebomb you again.

You'll live your life awaiting the next cycle of this and it will destroy your self confidence and your security.

Please don't think he is the best you can do - being single is better than being with someone who makes you feel confused, and often feel shit about yourself

To an extent I still believe nobody will make me feel as wanted as my abusive ex - When he was on best behaviour only.

It's fake, they do it to keep you around when they think you're on your way out. And then they go back to being themselves once you're hooked again.

From someone who has been there OP, this isn't passion it's manipulation. If someone loved you as much as you think he does (and I thought my ex did) they wouldn't make you feel shit half or more of the time or let you believe they were your only shot of happiness.

Thanks guys!

I'm really trying my hardest to get out and knowone understands how actual hard it is!
I never ever thought I would be in this situation! It's horrible!

It says to go cold turkey....which I tried to do before....but then he posts letters threw my door....and sits outside my house until I speak to him....

I'm such a people pleaser I can't bare to ignore him when it's me that's making him hurt so bad ☹️ I just want to help him when he's crying and writing these heart felt letters to me! ☹️

Ok so he stalks you when you leave him. That already shows you that he has no respect for your boundaries. God forbid you should leave him, why would anyone want to leave such a perfect specimen as he believes he is?

Look, narcissists can charm like no-one else. When they're nice, you feel like the sun is shining on you.

But he doesn't love you. That's not because there's anything wrong with you. It's because narcissists can't love anyone properly.

Give yourself a chance of a real relationship.

Oh and he isn't hurting. He's angry and thwarted and he's manipulating you.

" believe no one can make me feel as loved as he does me 😢

Or is this all part of it?"

yes it is part of it. Its called idealisation and love bombing.

You are addicted to a FANTASY. So how do you deal with addiction? You go cold turkey. Let him be someone else's problem.
Block, delete, etc.

Oh wow. He stalked you into getting back with him! You have to get out. Do not marry or have a baby with this man. Your life will be hell. I promise you. Once you are tied to him you will regret it bitterly and you will effectively have ended your freedom/mental health. Do it now while you can. Go strict no contact. These types of men cannot be dealt with.

How have you come to the conclusion that he is a narcissist, OP?

How long have you been going out with him?

BTW, you say he makes you feel 'loved'. But a true narcissist is not capable of love. You know that right?

Write down all the abusive things he has done..put them in your fridge or on your phone and when you weakened look at them.

Most people spend years in the idealise, devalue, discard phase but each cycle gets shorter. You have to look at the facts in good light rather than his words.

What has he done to hurt or upset you? When it's bad how does he make you feel?

Been there, took me nearly a month of no contact for the fog to lift after he was gone too, but after that I was totally over him and couldn't believe I'd tolerated what I had.

You need to get tough. He puts notes through your door and sits on your doorstep!? Report it as harassment to the police.

Seriously sometimes it takes that to get them to leave you alone. But once he's gone you'll be able to think straight again in time and the anger will set in too which helps massively.

Just know this - he hates you. Hates you. And he wants to destroy you. He is a bloodthirsty leach so why let himanywhete near you? He sees any kindess or compromise as weakness and will attack you all the harder.

You need to be tough. End it, contact the police if he won't take that for an answer. Block all contact.

@BaloneyBar

I have been researching online and it does describe him well but not fully! That's why I'm wondering if he will change....as I really wanted things to work ☹️

He has cheated on me in the past so now I don't trust him anyway....

When he makes me feel special...it's the best thing....but tbh most of the time he is miserable and I'm always wondering what I have done wrong.

I need to get out dont I 🤦🏻‍♀️ reading this as I write it is making me realise....it's just so hard as I really wanted it to work 😢

Yes it’s horrible, I’m so paranoid and jealous all the time. Everyone is telling you to just leave him, but is not that simple! Good luck

You aren’t a people pleaser, your someone who doesn’t value themselves. Harassment and stepping over someone’s boundaries isn’t love, love isn’t supposed to be destructive.

The only power this man has over you is the power you’ve surrendered to him. You aren’t helpless. You need real life support to understand where your chronic lack of self worth comes from.

Afraid I'm inclined to agree with you, he is certainly manipulative and obsessive.

And a cheat to boot.

The thing is, the good stuff is just an act. You don't love him, you love the character he portrays when it suits him. I guess its like saying you're in love with jack sparrow when actually you've never even met Jonny depp. OK maybe not the best example xD

But the real parts of this guy u have seen - they are scary. Don't you think?

You need to get away and to protect yourself.

@whattodo12345

That's why I'm wondering if he will change....as I really wanted things to work ☹️ He has cheated on me in the past so now I don't trust him anyway.... When he makes me feel special...it's the best thing....but tbh most of the time he is miserable and I'm always wondering what I have done wrong.

Oh my love it doesn't matter if he's an 'official' narcissist or not, can you not see how AWFUL this relationship is if you feel like you say above?

Please want more for yourself than this. I do and I don't even know you!

You know this isn't a healthy relationship and you know you should leave, you need to follow through. I get it - it's the fear or not meeting someone who makes you feel special in the future. But I finally realised that the worst possible thing is being made to feel insecure, on eggshells and confused forever.

Please try to summon all your courage and get out. Imagine if you had a daughter being treated this way - you'd tell them to leave right? Love yourself just as much