He was definitely doing what I think he was doing, wasn’t he?

[ArgumentativeAardvaark]

DH went to bed before me this evening. He has a heavy cold and was coughing a lot and generally miserable. Our bedroom is above sitting room and has a wooden floor and squeaky bed so I could hear every time he tossed and turned. After about half an hour I noticed the noise getting more rhythmic....I guess he stoped turning and just concentrated on the tossing...

Eurgh. We haven’t had sex in weeks (toddler, illness, tiredness etc- our relationship is fine). I feel sad that he did that instead of asking me to come up to bed with him, and pretty grossed out to be honest. I know he was probably just trying to get to sleep but.... eurgh.

(I am not averse to a bit of self- pleasure myself but only when alone in the house).

But would you honestly wanted to have sex with a man with a heavy cold who can’t stop coughing, even if he felt up to it?

Seriously? Who cares. Maybe let him know you could hear it from downstairs so he's more careful next time but no reason to feel grossed out.

You’re seriously saying that a grown adult, in their own house, when in a room by themselves, should refrain from having a wank until the entire house is empty?!
I can understand being sad that he didn’t ask you to join in (although if he has a heavy cold I’d probably be more thankful!) but having an “eurgh” reaction? I don’t get that.

I know this isn't AIBU but you really are. I don't know any man who doesn't masturbate.

He had a wank? In his own house? In his own bed?

Outrageous

Why are you taking it so personally? He fancied a wank so he had one.
If the floor boards weren’t creaky you’d have never known.
Take a page out of your DH’s book and get a grip.

You're offended and grossed out that your poorly husband had a private wank, probably for comfort and to get himself to sleep? That reaction in itself is pretty weird within an actual marriage, but to then post it on the internet rather than talk to him about it is just the oddest thing I've heard for a while.

You’re jealous of the relationship between him and his cock? It existed before he met you and will be there if you pre-decease him. Accept it.

If you felt left out, you could have joined him upstairs.

Honestly, it’s not a slight. Just because he doesn’t masturbate under the same conditions you do (empty house) doesn’t make him wrong.

If you want sex, let him know.

Loool

You're not serious?

I would not dream of talking to him about his private masturbation, nor would I tell him about mine. That’s the point- I am uncomfortable that I knew what he was doing, and slightly embarrassed for him I think.

Some really lovely people haunting this board in the dead of night- reminding me that he’d always be able to fall back on wanking if I died is particularly helpful

How vigorous can it be? To squeak the floorboards? Sounds a bit too vigorous to me!

None of your business. You carry on as normal, like you would if you heard him on the loo. It isnt shameful. Forget it and get on with your day

I am uncomfortable that I knew what he was doing, and slightly embarrassed for him I think.

That possibly says more about you than about him. Masturbation is perfectly normal & healthy!

Blimey.

I can't imagine being upset because someone had a wank. Why are you embarrassed for him?

He's your husband not your dad or your son! (When I could understand the discomfort).

I would not dream of talking to him about his private masturbation, nor would I tell him about mine.

Why not?

That’s the point- I am uncomfortable that I knew what he was doing, and slightly embarrassed for him I think.

Embarrassed?

You have some weird issues around sex if you are embarrassed that your DH had a wank

It was just a wank. I wouldn’t read too much into it.

I'd be more bothered about fixing those floorboards and bed tbh

Jesus. Some people are uptight. You’re ‘uncomfortable’ and ‘embarrassed for him’ because he had a private wank in his own house? Some people make life hard work for themselves!

Try to think of it as a big white poo op.

If the lack of sex bothers you then initiate it.

Aardvaark I would feel a bit weird about it to. I assume DH probably does masturbate, but I don't know that he does. I prefer not to know. But as others have said would you have wanted to have sex with him sneezing and wheezing all over you?

I absolutely refuse to believe that the average married couple chat regularly about wanking. And I know that he doesn’t like it when I hear him on the toilet- he has told me this.

He probably didn't feel like having sex, he was ill!

Ahh, the man is just giving himself a little treat. He’s poorly. It’ll have helped him sleep. Think of it as a couple of spoons of Night Nurse. If he’s not well I can’t imagine he’d have the energy for a shag and would you really want a snot ridden man going at you like the clappers?

I absolutely refuse to believe that the average married couple chat regularly about wanking

Well my exh categorically denied ever doing it - who knows if it was true but he was quite uptight around sex generally.

I've always discussed it quite openly with boyfriends 🤷‍♀️