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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Thinking of cheating on husband

194 replies

Isthischeating · 07/08/2019 08:14

I’ve nc for this.
We have been married for 7 years and very much love each other with a active sex life but I feel like there’s something missing.
A few week ago I met a man who is also married and we have been chatting which has now turned to sexing and sending pictures that have both of us planning on getting a hotel together. I’ve never cheated on him but this other guy just seems special. It would just be a once off and dh would never find out. I don’t know what to do

OP posts:
PicsInRed · 07/08/2019 08:21

I’ve nc for this

Yes, doubtless from a very busy account.

yogafailure · 07/08/2019 08:23

Hmm aye okay then

WineOrGin · 07/08/2019 08:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Isthischeating · 07/08/2019 08:27

I’ve been a member for a little while now and Iam sure Mumsnet will back that up. Is this really out of the ordinary that I’ve been accused of trolling

OP posts:
StumpyinSomerset · 07/08/2019 08:27

Oh yes,he's so special that he's prepared to cheat on his wife.

If you feel there's something missing from your marriage,talk to your husband and try fixing it,running off to have an affair isn't going to help. It's more likely to destroy your marriage.

aufaitaccompli · 07/08/2019 08:28

Cake and eat it Hmm

Original poster
Isthischeating · 07/08/2019 08:28

Yes I love my husband very much but we married young and I’ve felt like there’s something missing. I can’t stop thinking of this other guy

OP posts:
BettysLeftTentacle · 07/08/2019 08:29

What’s missing from your marriage is your love and respect for your husband

Goodnightjude1 · 07/08/2019 08:30

You don’t love your husband if you’d even consider cheating on him.

End of.

CursedDiamond · 07/08/2019 08:30

You’ll get a lot of moralistic replies to this, which are right, but won’t help much. So I’m going to respond differently from my own experience.

You think you can contain it and DH will never find out. The latter may well hold true but the formers is much harder. You will, eventually, if not in the initial excitement, feel guilty and this will feel awful. Especially as this is planned an calculated - it’s not a spontaneous failure of self control.

Ask yourself why you feel driven to this if there’s nothing wrong in your relationship. Explore whether there is. And if it’s not that, consider whether monogamy isn’t for you abd if an open relationship is a better fit.

I found the attraction for the OM very overwhelming, and struggled to keep it to ‘just once’. I found the won’t kings helped: reading all the heartbroken threads on here and imagining my partner finding out, and seconsly telling one person in real life. HAvjng to admit it took the mystery and everything excitement out of everything.

MummyOfTwo92 · 07/08/2019 08:30

Why would you cheat?
Your poor husband!
If you feel like something is missing talk to him don't just go off and get in to bed with another man. Your husband deserves more than that. If you aren't happy bloody leave.

bloodywhitecat · 07/08/2019 08:32

You don't treat people you love with such disrespect and callousness, so leave. Then find whatever it is that is missing.

firstimemamma · 07/08/2019 08:34

"I met a man who is also married and we have been chatting which has now turned to sexing and sending pictures that have both of us planning on getting a hotel together."

Sexting and secrecy. You have already cheated op.

howdyalikemenow · 07/08/2019 08:35

Don't do it. Simples.

Original poster
Isthischeating · 07/08/2019 08:35

Since meeting the other man I can’t stop thinking of him and fantasise all the time of being with him.
We have already crossed a line with dirty pictures etc so in a way I’ve already be unfaithful. I do love my husband and still want him just unsure why I feel this way

OP posts:
Banangana · 07/08/2019 08:36

You've already cheated on your husband.

Wearenotyourkind · 07/08/2019 08:37

What are you hoping to achieve with posting this? What is it you're looking for?

BuckingFrolics · 07/08/2019 08:37

Don't do it. You'll enter a world of lies, that way you up. A life where you are only half present to your children, parents, husband. Where you're pulled in two places, and happy I'm neither. Where the guilt grows daily, and you feel worse and worse about yourself. Where you run the risk that when it all blows up, as it will, you feel all too acutely how stupid you have been and what you have risked. Or lost.
You will be damaging your life - every aspect of your life - as surely as if you injected yourself with heroin.

Allthedays · 07/08/2019 08:38

This happened in or family many years ago. The cheater didn’t manage to keep the secret from her OH and ended up telling him as it was eating her up. Scarred the guy for life. He was so upset. They tried to make the relationship last, but couldn’t. It was so heartbreaking to witness from the sideline

MummyOfTwo92 · 07/08/2019 08:39

@Isthischeating how would you feel if your husband was doing this with another women?

The grass isn't greener on the other side

BuckingFrolics · 07/08/2019 08:40

Eat you up not way you up

pelirocco123 · 07/08/2019 08:40

The fantasy rarely lives up to expectations
At the moment all this makes you feel wanted and special , the reality is its almost impossible to keep emotions out of this and afterwards you may find you wont be able to act as though nothing has happened
Added to this its very likely this other man has done this before and will be actively seeking other women , and has an in built radar for finding vulnerable women .
Its either going to end with you both leaving your partners because it is a real attraction or more likely you are going to be very hurt when you realise you dont mean anything to him and you are going to struggle with your real life relationship

InDubiousBattle · 07/08/2019 08:40

Imagine finding similar pictures on your dh's phone. Imagine how he would (will)feel should he find the ones on yours. Imagine him telling your family and friends about what you've done. Imagine losing him forever, because that's what you're risking.

Whatever it is that makes you think you could resist doing it a second time, summon it now to not do it a first time.

Icepinkeskimo · 07/08/2019 08:44

How would you feel if it was the other way around OP? If you picked up your husbands phone and found all this out?
The grass is always greener on the other side, and have you stopped to think you may not be the first woman this new man has done this with anyone else? He is not wonderful, but right now he is exciting, because you are looking outside your marriage for a thrill.
Wake up and smell the coffee, your on very dangerous ground.

Wizbetisanizbet · 07/08/2019 08:45

You are already having an affair, an emotional one. It sounds like you are in the limerance phase where you can't stop thinking about them and you are questioning your feelings for your husband.
It's not love. It's hormone driven lust.
What do you hope to achieve?
You fuck the other guy and then what?
You get found out and that's two families destroyed because of selfishness.

You are following the cheaters script Op. Your relationship with the other man is not special, it's tawdry.

I might sound harsh but sounds like you need someone to give you a straight 'what the fuck are you doing?' .

Talk to your husband, nip it in the bud now before you really hurt people.

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