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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Thinking of cheating on husband

194 replies

Isthischeating · 07/08/2019 08:14

I’ve nc for this.
We have been married for 7 years and very much love each other with a active sex life but I feel like there’s something missing.
A few week ago I met a man who is also married and we have been chatting which has now turned to sexing and sending pictures that have both of us planning on getting a hotel together. I’ve never cheated on him but this other guy just seems special. It would just be a once off and dh would never find out. I don’t know what to do

OP posts:
Isatis · 07/08/2019 09:24

Don't be so bloody silly.

Isatis · 07/08/2019 09:29

The only thing stopping you from cheating is hurting your husband? Not the prospect of hurting the other man's wife? Not your marriage vows?

And, face it, it wouldn't ever be just once, would it, unless he turns out to be a lousy shag?

Original poster
Isthischeating · 07/08/2019 09:31

I know it’s lust and I don’t want us to be together in any other way.
Overall we haven’t had sex yet so I don’t think we’re cheating yet just close to. I posted to tell people and in a way I think I wanted to be told I need to stop myself before someone gets hurt. I kinda wish my dh was doing similar as it means I can to tbh

OP posts:
SparklyMagpie · 07/08/2019 09:32

The problem in your marriage is the fact your husband has a cheating wife

Original poster
Isthischeating · 07/08/2019 09:32

He will hurt his wife not me Iam not makeing him do this

OP posts:
MummyOfTwo92 · 07/08/2019 09:34

The fact that you wish your DP was doing similar means you don't care about him 🤦🏻‍♀️. Why the fuck would you want your DP to be doing stuff with another women?!

It's blatantly clear you don't love him. So please do him a favour and LEAVE him.

ThatCurlyGirl · 07/08/2019 09:34

Oh grown up OP.

You say you've name changed so presumably you use Mumsnet. So you must have known the response you would get.

Picture your husband finding out about this - really picture the moment he is heartbroken and can't believe it of you. Make it real in your head and not a fantasy.

If you still want to go ahead then you're being really, really selfish and cruel.

If you want to shag other people then don't be married, it's not rocket science.

If you meet up this guy does provide what you think is missing, how on earth do you think you won't be even more drawn to him?!

You just want to have your cake and eat it too. As I said, grow up.

Isatis · 07/08/2019 09:37

He will hurt his wife not me Iam not makeing him do this

Well, he can't do it without your co-operation, can he? Unless you think he would just grab the next available woman, in which case your self-respect must be at rock bottom.

Wishihad · 07/08/2019 09:43

Of course you are hurting his wife.

If your OM was in the street abusing his wife and asked you to join in and you did. Would you say you arent causing her harm because you arent forcing him to do it?

Having an affair is emotional abuse. Its lying and hiding and causing emotion al damage.

You are part of doing this to your husband and the OM wife. Like he is doing it to his wife and your dh.

BettysLeftTentacle · 07/08/2019 09:43

he has a problem marriage

Of course he does Hmm Spoiler alert! They all do!

Grow up OP. You want to shag other people outside your marriage? Get a divorce and do as you please.

Orlandointhewilderness · 07/08/2019 09:45

FFS. Your poor husband. Do the poor guy a favour and leave him.

PhilCornwall1 · 07/08/2019 09:49

Some people really are thick and like to ruin everything don't they?

StumpyinSomerset · 07/08/2019 09:49

Of course he has a problem marriage

Not.

He's telling you this because he wants you to believe it so he can get you into bed.

You might not be making him do anything but you're certainly enabling him.

If you really loved your husband you wouldn't even think of doing this.

If you're not happy in your marriage then leave/divorce. Then give yourself some space. And only then find yourself another man - a SINGLE man.

B00kworm86 · 07/08/2019 09:50

You're a knob.

P1218120699 · 07/08/2019 09:54

I've been on the receiving end of this type of betrayal and I cannot put into words the pain it causes. I'll never see this person in the same light again. Do your husband a favour and leave him. You claim to love your husband, but you don't love him enough if you can do this to him.

Original poster
Isthischeating · 07/08/2019 09:58

I do love him and want to grow old with him. Iam well aware that doesn’t make sense but it’s true. I haven’t thought about his wife but maybe I should

OP posts:
MhysaMhysa · 07/08/2019 10:00

These posts always amaze and disturb me.

Any type of cheating is bad, but there is something extra malicious when someone thinks and plans it, knows exactly what they're doing.

Throwing away 7 years of happy marriage over lust? How can that be worth it? Grow up OP, if you can't control your urges, let your husband go and find someone who will respect him and crack on.

AnneKipanki · 07/08/2019 10:02

block

P1218120699 · 07/08/2019 10:06

Why makes you so sure this man is even telling the truth? When my ex partner cheated on me he admitted that he told the other woman we were having problems (we weren't) he also admitted that he went for someone who was already married as they would be less likely to speak out of fear or ruining their own marriage. Don't be so gullible!! Even though you claim to love your husband, I don't think it is possible to do that to someone you truly love/respect which is why I ended my own relationship after being cheated on. We were very close with a good sex life but we couldn't recover from his unfaithfulness.

NoBaggyPants · 07/08/2019 10:08

If you don't think you've cheated so far, why not share your messages with your husband?

Original poster
Isthischeating · 07/08/2019 10:12

I think cheating is different for other people some people will think this already is cheating others not.
But I think I better stop before someone gets hurt

OP posts:
bubblesforlife · 07/08/2019 10:13

Leave your husband.
Don’t cheat. You can never come back from it.
The grass is not always greener on the other side.

Honestly, this gives me anxiety. It’s not just you and this male your sexting, it’s his wife, his family, possibly children. One night of hanky panky is not worth the trouble you will cause for years to come if you cheat.

You can’t have your cake and eat it.
Shame on you.

SouthernComforts · 07/08/2019 10:17

This is clearly a goady wind up, don't feed em.

Shouldershrugger · 07/08/2019 10:21

Not going to bash you op. I actually get you.

Its exciting to be noticed and desired by someone new. You can love your dh but sometimes that's not enough.

Every so often we need a kind of reboot, just to freshen things up. Its not always easy, seeing as tho we get bogged down with the realities of life.

This new guy is a breath of fresh air for you. He's made you feel about yourself and you've probably found a new side to you. The interaction just makes things shiny and feel good.

Its not wrong to have banter or flirtations.

But what would you do if your dh did find out? Don't take it for granted that he'll never find out. Things will change in your home. That's a given.

Not telling you what you to do. Its your decision at the end. But amidst all this excitement, try to comprehend the possible repercussions.

Good luck x

Happymum12345 · 07/08/2019 10:22

As someone who has been cheated on, don’t do it. The effects last a life time.