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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Thinking of cheating on husband

194 replies

Isthischeating · 07/08/2019 08:14

I’ve nc for this.
We have been married for 7 years and very much love each other with a active sex life but I feel like there’s something missing.
A few week ago I met a man who is also married and we have been chatting which has now turned to sexing and sending pictures that have both of us planning on getting a hotel together. I’ve never cheated on him but this other guy just seems special. It would just be a once off and dh would never find out. I don’t know what to do

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 07/08/2019 08:47

Oh confused are you ?

Yeah yeah

absofuckinglutley · 07/08/2019 08:48

This will end in tears.

AzraiL · 07/08/2019 08:54

You are about to unleash the mother of all shit storms on your head and you don't even know it. Or you do, and you don't even care.

Wishihad · 07/08/2019 08:56

You dont love your husband, because you dont respect him.

What you sre doing is a dick move.

Original poster
Isthischeating · 07/08/2019 08:57

The need to be with this man is so strong that I don’t think I can help my self. The only thing stopping me from cheating is hurting my husband which is the last thing I want. Both of us have never cheated before and have said it would be a once off

OP posts:
Howconvenient · 07/08/2019 08:58

Gotta love the ' you are already cheating ' replies.
She might as well go all the way then, right? Ridiculous comments.
OP, tread carefully.
No one here is going to encourage you to cheat. Why would they? Nothing good will come of it.

Wishihad · 07/08/2019 08:59

Hhahaha both of us have never cheated before.

He isnt going to tell you he has is he.

I dont get this. You know this man is a lair. You know he is a shit that lies to his wife.

But assume he must be telling you the truth.

Ellabella234 · 07/08/2019 09:02

I don't mean this rudely but why on earth do you think it would just be a one off? That is highly unlikely particularly if the urge you're speaking of is so strong. You're really just going to sleep together once and then nothing? Not likely. You may as well end your relationship if you're truly feeling like this instead of hurting him and being unfaithful. It's never the right option to cheat. If you feel that way then you leave before you go ahead and do what it is you want to do. Rather then hurt the other person. You can't want your husband and truly love him if you're stating you can't stop yourself from cheating. Sorry, I mean that with respect but you can't.

Original poster
Isthischeating · 07/08/2019 09:03

He has nothing to lose by lying to me . I don’t think he should be judged as he has a problem marriage and you can’t help how you feel

OP posts:
Howconvenient · 07/08/2019 09:04

Sounds like you have made up your mind OP and that other people's advice and experience won't stop you.
Don't say you haven't been warned.
It is hormones taking and it is powerful and it is hard to think of something else.
But is marriage always supposed to be easy and smooth?
Don't we get into that contract with the promise that we will resist those strong urges?
If you feel your marriage is beyond saving then it's one thing.
If you love your husband though, a one off might lead to serious trouble.

isthismylifenow · 07/08/2019 09:04

I don't think you very much love your husband tbh.

Itsallgonewoowoo · 07/08/2019 09:05

It is not a once off for him. What you have is lust and fantasy not reality. It may be all consuming at the moment but the lie, 'i can't help myself' is bollocks, it's a choice you make, it may be hard but you make it, you're already excusing yourself. The sexting is already cheating and you will mess your marriage up at some point if you're doing this after just 7 years.

tenredthings · 07/08/2019 09:08

Ignore the pheromones ! Your desire is seriously clouding you judgement. Nothing good will come of this, just a huge amount of heartache and pain for all involved. Respect your husband, yourself and this man's wife and stop this now.

isthismylifenow · 07/08/2019 09:09

The need to be with this man is so strong that I don’t think I can help my self

So stop contacting him.

I think you are going to get together with him anyway no matter what.

Just don't post again after you have been found out as you can't stop seeing him, as it will never been just once, looking for sympathy about your big mistake.

If you feel that strongly about him, then leave your husband and then go ahead and do it.

Wizbetisanizbet · 07/08/2019 09:10

You are incredibly foolish OP. Your twue lurvvvee is going to hurt a lot of people but hey ho. Other people's feelings don't matter do they?

The thing is you are saying and doing what many have done before. You and the man you are cheating with don't have anything special at all and you can't see it.

QuickThinkOfAName · 07/08/2019 09:11

Are you 12?

You sound very immature.

You can't help yourself? Jaysus.

I only clicked on this as I'd just been reading a heart wrenching post from a woman 2.5 years on from her husband's affair. She finally found out the truth and she's devastated. Trying to piece together what to do for her daughter and her own financial security. Give it a read.

But I get the impression you've already made up your mind you're just trying to justify it with your 'can't help myself' comments.

EAIOU · 07/08/2019 09:12

How did you meet this man?

Is it attention? Something different?

You have to know the reason why you're looking elsewhere.

You have massively overstepped boundaries already. How far are you going to go before you stop seeing it as cheating??

Hes telling you hes unhappy in his marriage? 😂😂 standard! You'll do for a bit then it will be somebody else.

How would your husband react if he found out?

Wizbetisanizbet · 07/08/2019 09:13

Yes and don't go looking for sympathy when (not if) shit hits the fan. You won't find any. They'll be a lot of I told you so's.

Pinkbonbon · 07/08/2019 09:13

It wouldn't be a one off. That's like a kid taking a bite out of a wedding cake and going 'I'll just stop there cause if I eat any more I'll get in trouble' :/

Also you are assuming he would LET it just be one time. Often people who go after married people are narcissists looking for ego boosts (which explains the magnetism to him you are feeling), in which case, they won't just let you walk away, unscathed.

FckIt · 07/08/2019 09:16

The reason you want to do this is because it's new, it's different.
You need to own up to your husband about what you've done and how you feel.

yogafailure · 07/08/2019 09:17

@QuickThinkOfAName beat me to it - you sound like a kid

You are so defenceless and unable to help yourselves....therefore it will happen and you'll continue to justify yourself.

I was married at 22 OP after meeting at 15. Still together at 50. No worries about what I might have missed - you have so little respect for your DH you need to leave your safety net and just be honest.

xJune88 · 07/08/2019 09:19

Get a divorce simple. I've been with my husband 9 years and I'm only 25. 'Got together very young' is a shit excuse if you're not happy leave dont cheat. You don't love him or you wouldn't even be messaging someone else.

TerracottaLeggy · 07/08/2019 09:20

You are here so we will tell you what an awful person you are.

Whatever floats your boat

MummyOfTwo92 · 07/08/2019 09:22

Oh OP. You know it's wrong. You knew the replies you would get. Leave your DH.
OM has a problem marriage? Most men that cheat have a problem marriage if they think they can have their cake and eat it!

Wishihad · 07/08/2019 09:24

He has nothing to lose by lying to me . I don’t think he should be judged as he has a problem marriage and you can’t help how you feel
Of course he does.

If you dont feel special and like the only woman that could make him stray, you wont shag him.

When you realise you are one woman in a line of women that have fallen for his bullshit and not special at all. It will take the shine off. If course he has something to lose.

He is a lair. His marriage problems, the fact that he hasnt cheated should be believed. Because he is a proven liar.

His wife probably doesnt know what a liar he is. You do.

Sad thing is. You know and you are falling for it.