Thinking of cheating on husband

[Isthischeating]

I’ve nc for this.
We have been married for 7 years and very much love each other with a active sex life but I feel like there’s something missing.
A few week ago I met a man who is also married and we have been chatting which has now turned to sexing and sending pictures that have both of us planning on getting a hotel together. I’ve never cheated on him but this other guy just seems special. It would just be a once off and dh would never find out. I don’t know what to do

If this is real, I can only say what a fool you sound op. I can guarantee that the OM would not be describing you as special. He might be enjoying the thrill, but you probably mean very little to him, compared to his family.
As you have sent pics, there is a very good chance they’ll be shared somehow. For instance, when my DH got a new device and set it up, all of his pictures got shared around ‘the cloud’ and ended up viewable by me on my phone. This is how I came to learn that my husband has a very boring habit of screen shotting images of decking and potted plant arrangements. 😴
It could be that the OM wife sees them and decides to inform your DH. So I guess that yes, you do have to continue with your plan to fess up.
How utterly disgraceful of you to treat another person in this way.

Look up the difference between love and limerance.

Pull yourself together.

And fix your marriage. If isn't not fixable, leave before you start anythign new.

I wouldn't. The guilt will kill you. I had an affair last year. No sex but kissing flirty messages topless pictures exch

Shit hit the button to soon. Topless pictures exchanged. I feel disgusted. My husband knew about him but doesn't know the extent of it. I'm not going to tell him because I know it would be the end of our marriage. We have been married 13 years and hes the only man I've slept with

And?

You can't have it both ways. A. you are special and he's never done this before. B. It's not you hurting his wife.
If he is breaking his vows JUST for you then yes, you are fully a part of this, if you weren't there he wouldn't be doing it, so therefore his wife wouldn't be being deceived. However I suspect you are one in a line and therefore not special to him. Those two statements don't match up.

Do the decent thing. Leave your poor husband then you can have as many seedy afternoons in hotels as you want

If you do go ahead I hope your husband finds out

Have you blocked and deleted other guy and carefully thought through why you want to tell your partner what's happened so far.

Don't just do it if to appease your own guilt, only do it if you know he would want to know in order to make an informed decision about your marriage.

Also consider how you will tell him. The words you will use. Don't just blurt it out and put the onus on him to react well or in the way you want. If he wants space give it to him.

What a fucking mess you and the other guy have made and you haven't even shagged.

Yet.

He’s probably a player.. it’s possible he enjoys talking about meeting for sex but when it comes to actually going through with it the excuses will start flowing. Hope so anyway.
Don’t be taken in by him.. block, delete and have no more contact with him.

I feel very foolish just now trust me. I have blocked and deleted him. Am debating telling my husband as it will only hurt him but I think he would want to know. I hope someone has reported me so Mumsnet can say I ain’t a troll

I doubt you being a troll is the issue here

If you've blocked and deleted there really doesn't seem much point in confessing to your dh.

Learn and move on.

Hurting your dh for a fantasy gone too far is not going to help your marriage.

Some men can never move past this.

We all make mistakes.
Put all your energies in building up your marriage.

Do not tell your husband.
You have had a lucky escape here. The guy is probably a player. They usually are.

No one thinks it is going to happen to them until it does. It can be a shock. No one ever thinks they are going to be this type of woman until it happens to them.

There is only one way this will end. Badly.

You've already cheated. I would leave my husband for doing this.

Nobody's perfect!

If you tell your husband be prepared for a long road ahead.

The trouble with your situation is it's occurred out of complete selfishness. According to you, you love your husband, you have an active sex life & you only want him. Your head hasn't been turned because of marital problems caused by your husband. There's never a reason to cheat but it's especially bad to wreck your family just for the sake of it. Jeopardising another family too.

This will not only make him question a lot about you, but he'll question himself. Unfair. What reason are you going to give him?

There's not any real reason for meeting this man. If you could be lead by this guy for just about nothing, what's stopping it from happening again. That's the way I'd be looking at it.

Let's hope you don't have the wife knocking at your door.

A Love/lust/ limerance affair is like a drug addiction - can give you a taste of heaven but drag you into hell. And at first it feels wonderful and you think you can cope and no one will be harmed. And it will take everything from you in the end - your family life, home, children and relationships - might never recover. But although it can destroy lives, it never starts out that way. It starts out just as you describe OP. It ends in lies upon lies and the deceit erodes intimacy.

The thing is that already your relationship with DH will have changed - all this obsessing about OM won’t have gone unnoticed - and you’ve crossed a line that very many if not most relationships wouldn’t recover from.

I don’t have any clear advice - but I think you need to weigh up what’s actually happening-and what you actually want. You can’t just blurt this out and expect no consequences. Unless you would both like to open up your marriage then it could be very damaging. But then if your DH doesn’t know this side of you then will you always be hiding from him?

"Since meeting the other man I can’t stop thinking of him and fantasise all the time of being with him"

Grow up? Have some basic self control? You are not a leaf tumbling in the fucking wind - you are responsible for your choices.

Your husband and children deserve better.

His name doesn't begin with G by any chance does it???

I’ve decided not to tell my husband as it will only cos pain and I met this guy though his work so he sees him most days ( I’ve got no reason to see him again ) I know what I did was shitty and believe me It won’t happen again.

And no not g

You are spot on. Don't tell him. There's really no point. Over the years stuff like this will fade. It won't if you tell him. It'll always gnaw at him. You're not a bad person no matter what the black and white thinking on here is.

Perhaps if you spent less time sexting, less time on Mumsnet, and paid more attention to your poor husband, you might get somewhere.

As someone who is having an affair I'm understanding but also a little confused by your reasons for considering it.

You sound in love, good sex life and there's still this need to fulfil the fantasy and passion of sleeping with this guy. I think you need to work out what is driving it. It will happen again I think.

And yes, cheating once and then never doing it again is hard. It can be addictive, and you may find it hard to have a life without the fulfillment it brings into a life lacking many virtual elements.