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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Thinking of cheating on husband

194 replies

Isthischeating · 07/08/2019 08:14

I’ve nc for this.
We have been married for 7 years and very much love each other with a active sex life but I feel like there’s something missing.
A few week ago I met a man who is also married and we have been chatting which has now turned to sexing and sending pictures that have both of us planning on getting a hotel together. I’ve never cheated on him but this other guy just seems special. It would just be a once off and dh would never find out. I don’t know what to do

OP posts:
Funghi · 07/08/2019 11:38

You sound like you have a lot of time on your hands.

Robin2323 · 07/08/2019 11:41

You're just bored.
Put in the 'difficult' effort and spice things up with dh.
Send him a saucey picture.
Reclaim your relationship with him.
Plan a mini break.
Romantic get away.
Appreciate his good qualities.
Read up on how to improve your marriage- and then follow the advice.

There is nothing more exciting than making love yourself to the
Man you love (even after 25 years)

Fromablokespoint · 07/08/2019 11:52

So you met this special man (who is having marital issues) a few weeks ago and have now progressed to sexting and talking about getting a hotel room? I assume you are quite special as well because he has never done this before Hmm

You have no respect or love for your husband, don't put the poor bugger through your shitty little quest for a bit of fun. Gain a bit of self respect and sort your life out, if you're bored either have a conversation about it or leave.

Or alternatively as husband will never find out then go for it!

Utterly loathsome attitude, utterly self centered and utterly fucking naive.

Just fucking grow up.

Littlebluetinofdorcaspins · 07/08/2019 11:52

If you’re not a troll, you’re being naive and rather stupid.

This will be the thin end of the wedge. It won’t just happen once. It’s all about the excitement of the unknown, the thrill of the chase, the frisson of doing something a bit dangerous.

You don’t know this person - he’s obviously a liar and a cheat. He could have STD’s. He could blackmail you after your ever so glorious shag - threaten to tell your DH. He could be a rapist or a fetishist.

To think he hasn’t done this before is ridiculous.

You’re going to ruin your marriage. Serves you right but you’re dragging your husband and your fancy man’s wife into the mire with you.

But, you sound as if you’re going to do it anyway.

AgentJohnson · 07/08/2019 12:09

I don’t know if you’re spectacularly naive or just don’t care. Ask your H how he would feel? Break it down for him like you have done for us l, by saying it would be a one off and that you are missing out etc.

Marrying young doesn’t entitle you to cheat.

If you’re not new to MN then you should know the utter devastation that cheating does to the one on the receiving end of the dishonesty.

Scratching an itch doesn’t stop it, it just encourages more scratching.

AgentJohnson · 07/08/2019 12:12

Why don’t you discuss an open relationship with your H? Or are you only one allowed to get your rocks off with a third party?

Everafter1 · 07/08/2019 12:18

He has nothing to lose by lying to me
Seriously? 😔 that comment is pitiful.

You say you only want your husband, yet you'll let someone else's have a go?

Stay classy!

Middersweekly · 07/08/2019 12:22

It’s narrow minded to think that people who are married or in love with each other won’t look elsewhere. If that was the case why do many people have affairs or ONS’s with no intention of leaving their partner?
The person who said it’s a void is correct. It’s usually how the person feels about themselves which causes people to stray.

Don’t do it OP the fall out will not be worth the risk.

isthismylifenow · 07/08/2019 12:24

You say you think you want to stop.

Then you say you only want to sleep with him once.

Oh please. Hmm

YouJustDoYou · 07/08/2019 12:27

Don't debase yourself doing such a horrible thing. If you're that desperate for another penis inside you, be an adult, tell your dh what you're feeling and at least then the poor man will be able to make a choice, rather than having it made for him and being put at risk at contracting and STIs from you.

ACPC · 07/08/2019 12:30

You are just bored and craving attention. Stop this now and put more effort into your marriage.

ItsWitchingTime · 07/08/2019 12:51

You've already hurt your husband though haven't you. Whether you class it as cheating or not, you've shared intimate pictures with another man and gone as far as planning a night in a hotel😑

You only have to look at the relationships board to see how hurtful this is to partners, the amount of ops whose partners have broke their hearts and destroyed them because they took a 'crush' a step further.

Yes its fine to have your eye turned, christ we're only human and nobody is perfect but there is a BIG difference between fantasising and acting out. If you're incapable of keeping your fantasies as that then leave your partner, at least then their one less person in the world with a broken heart and trust issues.

forumdonkey · 07/08/2019 13:19

Imagine when your DH walk's in the door tonight he's found out everything. He's seen all your messages. He's read all your secret, sordid messages arranging to shag this bloke. He tells you to leave and he's seen a solicitor and has started divorce proceedings.

You might think that you're being careful therefore it'll not happen, but the other man might not be and his DW might find out and she might take thing's into her own hand's

If imaging that doesn't fill you with concern or you think it's still worth the risk, then fill your boots you deserve all that is coming to you

Original poster
Isthischeating · 07/08/2019 13:28

I never thought I would be they type of women to cheat. I’ve told him not to contact me again I plan on telling dh in a few days when he’s not a stressed

OP posts:
Funghi · 07/08/2019 13:32

That’s quite the turnaround.

Between this and the lost engagement thread, MN seems to offer the fastest resolutions these days. Are we short on pages or something?

ThatCurlyGirl · 07/08/2019 13:33

What are you going to tell your husband OP? Glad you've told the guy not to stay in touch - block and delete so you don't get tempted.

SunshineCake · 07/08/2019 13:43

I'm so embarrassed for you. I hope your husband leaves you and find someone who is mature enough to have an adult relationship.

Original poster
Isthischeating · 07/08/2019 13:50

Me and the guy both have children that’s why

OP posts:
ItsWitchingTime · 07/08/2019 13:58

Look, I know this is sticking the boot in but I'm so fed up of seeing posters heartbroken because of their partner who pulls out the 'it was only a message' 'I'm telling you because I care' card expecting the poster to just smile and nod and carry on like nothing has happened.

You should of thought about your children before this, thing, started. Whether your telling your partner because you want to have an open and honest relationship or because you want to be smug about stopping it before it became physical you need to be prepared for the possibility of your partner walking out on you and he'd be entirely justified in doing so.

Snog · 07/08/2019 14:14

Why not discuss this with your DH rather than on Mumsnet?

ThatLibraryMiss · 07/08/2019 14:16

I plan on telling dh in a few days when he’s not a stressed

Why? So he can be miserable too?

Shut your mouth and keep it shut. Live with the guilt; it's yours. If you tell you have a good chance of destroying your husband's trust and your family.

user1479305498 · 07/08/2019 14:19

Listen OP, I cannot tell you how hurtful it is when a crush/infatuation gets out of hand, it doesn’t even have to involve sex. In my Hs case, he was stupid enough to write about it and I found it all many years later quite by chance. I know it upsets him that he senses the disappointment / heartbreak I feel by his actions even though we are still together. What you have done so far is very wrong, but cut it now before it gets worse if you do value your marriage. I loved my H a great deal and he tells me he did too, he can’t rxplain why he did it, just a lot of time with that person, a lot of personal issues with a dying mum and a business with issues and yes, he enjoyed the buzz. It did however come back to bite - if you do love him, please look at what’s missing, and try and work at that or decide to leave.

NewMe2019 · 07/08/2019 14:45

Chinny reckon OP

Lilzpk · 07/08/2019 14:49

Now revealing that there's two sets of children involved, OP that's just nasty. It's people who act like you that cause the most heartbreak to families, you've already gone beyond what I would be able to forgive or feel compassion for. I think you should tell your dh that it's not working out, him and the children don't need the burden of what you're risking for the family. They don't need to know the extent of the break in trust that's implied all of them

GimmieTheCoffeeAndNooneDies · 07/08/2019 14:55

Why not well your dh how you feel? You never know, he might be up for a three some! And don't forget to post the details on here!

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