Can hear neighbours next door and feel like there’s a huge gap in my life

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I’ve posted before about this and have NC in the past. I hope it is ok to post about this again.

Today has been so nice. I’ve hung out my washing and cleaned the house, had my tanning done and my nails, sat in the garden reading my book and drank wine with friends.

All day I have been thinking I wish I had a family. I wish I had a child to pop into the paddling pool and buy ice cream for. I can hear my neighbours playing with their kids, parents chatting about whether they can afford a holiday. I’m sitting in my beautiful home, with enough money to do what I want with, totally and utterly lonely.

What’s the point? I don’t even need this money, I have no kids to care for or think of. No husband to buy a birthday present for.

It’s my birthday in a few days. Again I will be sitting with family feeling like something is missing...my own family.

I feel so shit. Has anyone got any words of advice? I guess i am just looking for a kind word or maybe a kick up the backside to put things in perspective. I know nobody can say anything much to change it, so I hope i is ok to post.

Just feeling rubbish and like there’s a massive gap in my life.

Well how old are you op because that’s the crux of the matter.

Sorry posted too soon, what kind of job do you have? The people I know who have ended up in long term relationships have met either through education of work. I also have friends who have married through OLD, two of them one happy and one not happy.

Happy birthday! I can wallow a little around my birthday, get myself a bit down. I think you have to focus on what you HAVE got/achieved. How old are you? Sometimes big birthdays make you feel like you ought to be X/Y/Z. Things will change. You may well meet someone, have children.

If a partner and family is what you want then I'm sure you can achieve that whatever your age.
Are you going out and meeting people? Have you tried dating agencies, starting new hobbies to meet people, singles holidays where you might meet someone?
There's no reason why you can't find someone you get on well with and can have a meaningful relationship with.
Obviously, your age and fertility does determine whether you can have biological children of your own. Sadly there's no real way around that one. However, if you found a partner who already had children then you could still potentially have a wonderful relationship with those children too.
I know there's no magic wand or guarantees but don't give up on what you want OP. Work out ways to achieve what you really want.

I’m going to be 35. I feel like my chances are over of meeting someone let alone having kids.

I never thought at 35 I would be relying on my parents to be there for my birthday. I love them a lot but I wish I had a husband and a little one with me too. I find it so hard.

I know there are lots of options and there is a lot in my life to be grateful for. But without a family I know I will always feel I missed out. It matters to me more than anything.

The worst part is that I do date, I just never have any inclination of wanting a relationship with someone. I have even dated people longer to try and see if something develops and it doesn’t. My last relationship ended a year ago to this day I just realised! It seems so easy for other people to fall into new relationships.

Do you live in an area predominantly occupied by young families? Could you move somewhere more exciting?

I met my husband just before my 36th birthday, just over 5 years later we were married with 2 children. It's not too late

Oh gosh, please don't write yourself off at 35! I'm about to turn 39 and I'm expecting my first child. There is still loads of time for you. xx

Jesus! I thought you were going to say about 60! You have a whole wonderful life full of opportunities ahead of you!

You don’t need a husband to have children. Have you thought of other ways of becoming a mum?

Look at Meghan..at your age she didn’t have a husband or family but look at her now! Your life can change so quickly OP

Last year I met up with some old school friends. We were all turning 40. One woman had her birthday the next week, she has a successful career but was so unhappy about being single/not having any children. Fast forward a few months, she met someone, is engaged and pregnant! Friend honestly thought she would be alone forever but within a year her life changed dramatically!

Wow - I thought you were going to say you were in your 60s! 35 is no age at all. And you sound lovely. The right person will be out there, it's just about finding them. Don't right yourself off

Don't write yourself off at 35.
I had my children at 37 and 40.
It sounds like you need to change where you are meeting potential partners. There must be someone out there you really click with.
What really interests you? Is there somewhere new you can go to socialise? As a PP said even moving house to a new area with more opportunity for meeting new people.

I do live in an area mostly with families yes. But I love it here and don’t want to move. I work in a big city anyway so that helps. I meet people online from a range of places.

I don’t want a family on my own. I know that it is possible and lots of people do, I just would always want a husband and wouldn’t feel I was doing right by my child if I had them and was still on the look out for a man.

Every time I date there’s no spark, at least for me. Even when I date them longer and give it more chance. So many people seem to just click with someone and that’s it!

I am sorry you feel this way but you have not missed the boat at all. You sound like a really nice person, and there is nothing wrong with being careful about relationships. It means you’re more likely to make good choices.

You can always have a baby alone? I know someone who has done this and she is deliriously happy. She has her own home and can afford to be a solo mum. She did it because she wanted a child more than anything. Some people want a partner more than anything and would rather wait for a partner. But that being said, you aren’t old anyway!

Goodness I could have written your post myself. Exactly the same boat. We’re still young and have time, OP. Just gotta get out there. Not sure if you find this as well, but this is the issue for me - I can’t even find one semi decent to go on a date with!

Oh no OP you’ve got me worried now as I’m 36 and just split from a LTR. Also desperate for a family. It’s so hard. But how long have you been dating? If you really want something then you will find a way of getting it!

I’ve been dating a year now. I have had one small 4 month thing in this time that I ended.

I’m just fed up. I feel like I will never find someone where it all clicks. I don’t want to live my life alone but it looks that way.

I meet nice people online to be honest. I just don’t feel like I want to meet them again and even if I do i can tell I’m not really into it!

Mum here. My adult child, after breaking up with long term partner, met a lovely person on Tinder. I met the person and thought. Mmm very nice but not quite a perfect match. Then my adult child met a second person. Lovely and, I thought, a good match.First grandchild expected soon and they met mid thirties. Perhaps you are expecting too much from the people you meet? What do you think is lacking in the men you date?

Three things missing in your 4 month relationship were....?

I'd e delighted to send you a card if you PM your details. Technically I've got relatives but I might as well not. They abandoned me and even when they could have had contact they kicked me in the teeth again.

I wish my kids had aunties, uncles, cousins, grandparents. I'd adopt them if I could .

I appreciate its a little different for men but I was in a similar position. I met DW (as she became) when I was 37 and married her when I was 42 -- it took a little longer than it should have due to double redundancy and family deaths in the interim. We now have two DDs 14 and 12.

A female colleague and friend similarly met her DH at 36, married him at 37, and now has two DDs who are 7 and 6.

So don't despair. You only need one person.

I had my son at 37 OP. But tbh, most days it's really hard having a child.

There is no such thing as "popping them into the paddling pool". You've got to put sunscreen on them, get them pool ready, pray they don't shit in the flimsy swim nappy, fill up the paddling pool then when you put them in, it's too cold or has grass in it or some other bullshit that means you don't get to sit down.

It's easy to imagine parenthood as some lovely thing you're missing but being a parent is hard and it's a thankless task that never ends.